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Thread title: Sex gives me epilepsy?

I have those lights that turn on and off when you clap

but when I'm having sex with my gf the clapping noise makes the lights go on and off really fast (she's quite chubby so there's a slap each time) and really turns me off.

I don't know what to do, I'm worried I might get epilepsy but I don't want to give up sex

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Thread title: Clap clap clap sound during sex

(Original post by Dr Mehdi Pak)
I don't know whether this is normal or whether its the result of my excessively baggy scrotum or my technique or what, but whenever I have sex, my balls have an irritating habit of slapping against my partner's rump. This makes an exasperating clapping sound, that really puts me off. My imagination, sparked by this sound, leads me to imagine that my mother is in the corner clapping my sexual performance, which whilst making me feel like a boss, does also completely turn me off. How can I tone up my ball sack or change my technique to stop this clapping noise?

Extras

Old Cambridge man: Good afternoon Gaurav Vishwanath Patel Guru Dev ji Singh

Me: wagwan brudda, how r u cuz?

Old man: I beg your pardon.

Me: Beg? Man ain' charity ye blud, but here's a pound, greggs is round da corner bwoi.

Old man: Greggs? WHAT?

Me: Nigero, do u wan' man 2 work out the area of ur pasty, u fat...

Old man: NIGERO? I'm white.

Me: So is dis niggaz spunk bro.

Old man: Excuse me?

Me: Out da door, first door on ya left, da bog, make sure u use tissue to wipe that fat arse of urz m8.

Old man: Well, this has been a rather interesting interview, do you have any questions?

Me: ye cuz, r u naturally bald or does no hair make ur hed look perfectly spherical?

Old man: I'm sorry...

Me: No need to apologise pussio, man jus' working out the volume innit; 4/3 x.

Old man: Well, you do know some Mathematics, then?

Me: ye blud, man from BIRMINGHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ye, my mum makes bare rotiz n ting ini; area of a chapati =

Old man: Right, that's fantastic, you'll hear from us within a week, probably a day.

Me: I got an offaaaaaa????????????????????? Say kasmeh bro, can I kiss that bald shiny head of yours?! Or do you wanna sleep with me bro?

Old man: No, that's fine, thank you.

Me: Sure? My penis is bare massive. When you rotate it, around the x-axis, the volume of revolution is enough to make your (1/cosC) mum scream (complex number - root of -1) want more...

Old man: It's really fine. Very nice to meet you Gaurav Vishwanath Patel Guru Dev ji Singh.