Miryo (Offline)  

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Axion

I really didn't like it to be honest. I don't like Tyler's music and this is just his type of style.

You should advance your rhyme scheme rather than it just being a monosyllabic structure. The structure isn't great either. You should write in either 4 or 8 bars. If you count the beats 1, 2, 3 and 4 that's 1 bar.

The content's really just generic angst as well. You should find your own lane, but if this is genuinely how you feel then...

I liked the 'being commercial comes with a price' though.

I would argue the opposite personally. I've been to their gigs and they seem fully supportive of what they sing about. I've seen Lowkey perform down at Occupy too and he seemed pretty clued up. You have to remember, in some circumstances it is very difficult to do what you believe because the sanctions placed upon you. At least they are spreading a moral message unlike rappers like Lil Wayne et al.

Anything you enjoy. It depends on what sort of rap you want to write though and what is close to you. Party bangers, political, emotional? Right now I am listening to a lot of Lowkey and Logic, they're good English rappers. American, my personal choice is Evidence, check out Greives too. Both good American artists.

Urm, vocab. Read stuff and look up the meaning. Use a thesaurus (sp) and look up the meanings.
What are you studying (I presume you are because you are on here)? There should be a lot of words new to you when doing academic learning so try and apply them.

Express feelings in a different way. For example, I was in a mood the other day with people's attitudes and my own depression. It may give you inspiration; you may not like it. If you destruct other rhymes you will develop a better understanding of how to constuct rhymes.

Everyday’s a masquerade
Your face all screwed up
cast in jade
Feel remorse for the way you strayed
The worlds chewed you up
You’ve been played

The last section is the best. The rest of it is just cliche anger rhymes. Try throw in some methaphors and so on to bring complexity to the feelings you are expressing. At times like this I feel like I should have gone into teaching.

Only if you want honest criticism - I won't be a dick.

Yeah throw them over bro.