And it was a dildo attached to a mechanical panty you lock onto yourself before the product functions. And it happens to have rusted, the device won't stop, she couldn't take it off, and was forced to uh... wait until the battery ran out.
Life is a noun, not an adjective (in that context anyway). It's difficult to play around with without changing the meaning significantly, but there's no need to change it in that instance. I'm pretty sure it won't sound stupid. It's just another overblown, unwritten PS rule. Perhaps if you gave the full sentence it might help more? Actually, don't do that- might get plagiarised!