Why Do People Like Dragging Up The Past?

So once uopn a time I had a boyfriend and tbh, the way things ended still makes me feel really sad because he was my first boyf.
I lost my virginity to him and it got really bad because after the breakup I wasn't even allowed to keep that to myself - he went around telling everyone who wanted to listen that we had sex , and about all the times we had sex and where we did it.
So the truth is I never planned on having sex with him, I think I just got carried away and basically all this happened between the end of first year and the beginning of second year. And I'm still dealing with the fact that my ex basically used me to get over his ex. But what upsets me the most is the fact that I'm hurting really badly as it is, and for some reason, the people who know about it always try to use it to bring me down in one way or the other.

Yesterday we had a get together and basically I only went because there was food, a lot of the people there had pissed me off in one way or the other, so I wasn't really talking to any of them and I certainly wasn't out looking for a fight. And we'll be graduating soon so I thought I could just go hang out with them for a few hours. When i got there, I was watching tv along with some other friends of mine, some people were talking and some were watching tv. And i saw this reall stupid advert , so I laughed and said "Haha, that's stupid", and this apparently set off one of the other girls who was talking because she thought I said that to her. But when she asked me, I was like No, i was just watching an advert. So obviously I didnt concern myself about it because I honestly wasnt even listening to anything else going on in that room.

But then later, when I left, my house mate, (who was at the get-together) basically told me that that same girl decided to make a snide comment about what happened between me and my ex some minutes later when I wasn't in the room. And according to my house mate it was basically because the girl in question felt i had insulted her so she decided to insult me as well.

The main problem here is just that I am sick and tired of people bringing it up all the time. I never bring up anyone's past even though I know a lot, and I woudnt do that just because I THOUGHT someone had offended me. I know people will say suck it up and own your deeds but its really really upsetting because all that happened, is i went out with a dick-head and no one is ever going to let me forget about it.

I am really , really frustrated because I now have issues trusting those around me. I can't see myself going out with anyone anytime soon because I've been so badly burned I dont think I can ever even trust any boy again. How am I supposed to move on when they keep talking about it and using it to insult me for every little thing ? It's like trying to take one step forward and everyone is saying no we want you to stay in that pain you're feeling. I'm trying to move ahead and they try to push me down a little bit more.

Another really annoying thing is that everyone seems to think that what happened to me is my fault because I didn't do enough "research" when I started going out with him. In other words, I was supposed to go and talk to all his friends and all the people who knew him in order to make sure he was a good guy. Even if they knew , they wouldn't have told me because obviously they wouldn't want to ruin his chances of getting laid! And even the people I did ask weren't able to tell me anything , maybe because they didn't want to, or because they didn't know, it doesn't matter any more.

I'm just finding it really difficult to forgive and move on and it sickens me that when people look at me they don't see me, they only see what my ex said i.e she had sex in so - and - place. I know I cant do anything about how they see me, but I really, really don't know how to get over this kind of thing.

Reply 1

TizzWazz

Like you said, you are graduating so you can move somewhere. Dont ever see them again and go off, have fun and make new friends. If your friends insult you like this and/or mention this incident while knowing you hate it, they are not truly good friends

Reply 2

Tony_Soprano1

people like to feel superior due to their own sad lives.

Reply 3

SpySapper

We were on a break!! - Ross from friends... sorry I didn't even read what you wrote OP, I just had to put that in :smile:

Reply 4

Boogaloo_Shrimp

tl;dr
but in answer to your question, sometimes you wanna spite someone in an argument, and their past mistakes are the only material you have *shrug*

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Boogaloo_Shrimp

tl;dr
but in answer to your question, sometimes you wanna spite someone in an argument, and their past mistakes are the only material you have *shrug*

And that seems fair to you?

Over an insult that wasnt even an insult because it wasnt even directed at her?

Maybe you do that kind of thing, but thats not on. It wasnt even an argument for crying out loud. It was a simple matter of "Were you talking to me or not?" And I wasnt talking to her so how was it an argument?

Reply 6

Boogaloo_Shrimp

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry, I think you missed the part where I said I didn't read it and was only replying to the title?

And no, I don't think its fair, or should be encouraged, but I was merely suggesting one of the reasons why people bring up the past.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

i think i know who this is lol!
if im correct... :biggrin:

yay suffer you miserable bitch!!
if not, oops! but i did the same to my ex and the only reason it was a big deal, was because she made it a big deal, act like you don't care and noone will bring it up!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Boogaloo_Shrimp

Errrrm . . . when and where did you say that?

Because basically unless you are talking about the " tl;dr " then yes , I didn't know what that meant and therefore ignored it because I thought it was irrelevant. But may I remind you that if the topic was the only thing which was meant to be read, then we wouldn't have to make lengthy posts. I'm just saying. :s-smilie:

Anyway thanks for clearing that up.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

i think i know who this is lol!
if im correct... :biggrin:

Why would you do that to someone else?

I don't know if I'm the one you're referring to, but if you cheated on someone and the person left, does that really make it okay to expose your sex life with them seeing that you're the one in the wrong? :s-smilie:

BTW, ; out of curiosity, how old are you?