The Student Room Group

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Scroll to see replies

Original post by TotoMimo


I'd love to open up the floor now to all and any input here into this very diverse topic, to hear perhaps your own stories or any input or advice you can give myself, my peers and anyone else potentially developing one of these insidious conditions.

All my love to everyone and the absolute best of luck in your own daily battles, regardless of what they may be!


You may want to check out http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/ - which is specifically for men with ED's, also bodygossip are a fab charity working on body image and self esteem. There's a great website called somethingfishy which has forums for ED's.

I'm 'recovering' from bulimia, which I wholeheartedly believe is a very different pathology to anorexia in a lot of respects, and there's huge debate in the psych community about it...but meh.

Anyhoo point is I've been on group programmes, intensive therapy and know a lot of people struggling with anorexia and the resounding thing that everyone always comes back to is that if you want to get better you have to commit to change, you have to figure out why restricting is so important and then figure out a way to let it go. It's not easy, by golly it's not easy... but ultimately you can recover. I know two people who've recovered fully from anorexia and no longer have any symptoms, I also know one who's recovered fully from bulimia. It is possible.

If you're not accessing secondary level psychiatric services at the moment, then talk to your GP to get an assessment from you Community Mental Health team, most counties have some form of ED help and if they don't they'll transfer you to somewhere that does. I used to go to STEPS in Bristol and cause I lived outside of the county the NHS paid for me to have a taxi every day... support is there you've just got to fight for it.

One of the most helpful ways to start though is to make a 'food and feelings chart' - it's the first thing they'll ask you to do if you seek treatment for your ED anyways so you can get started now.

It involves creating a table on a sheet of paper, with columns for TIME, WHAT EATEN, WHERE EATEN, WHO WITH, LEVEL OF HUNGER and HOW YOU FEEL. Try and keep track of everything as specifically as possible - including stuff like chewing gum and drinks - essentially everything you consume. If you do it over a period of time you'll be able to see patterns you can work on. There's also a really good book series for self help mental health called 'Overcoming' look on amazon for 'overcoming anorexia' - it's essentially self help CBT although I would highly recommend seeking someone professionally to deliver CBT/Therapy as it helps to be held accountable by someone who know what they're talking about.

Best of luck, you can get through this. also whoever negged you is a dick.

xxx
Original post by Vixen47
There's this guy I like who feels the same way about me. I'm scared of starting a relationship with him because I wouldn't know if/how I'd tell him about my ED. I'm trying to convince myself I don't like him because I'm petrified that he'll be 'put off' me if he finds out about it

Has anyone ever been through a similar thing?
If so, how early in the relationship did you reveal your ED to them?


I tend to drop it in casually, vaguely early on. Just mention it in conversation like it's not a big deal, because it isn't really it's something you struggle with but it's not your identity.

I found it's easier to tell them early, that way a) you'll know if they can deal with it (some people can't but that's their problem not yours) and b) you don't risk them 'finding you out' - which having been through that - bf of four months waiting outside bathroom door for me following hearing me purge - is not pretty.

I generally start off with referring to it as 'problems with food' rather than medical terms, and then graudally ease in... 'uncomfortable with food...' etc. There's also BEAT which has resources for people in relationships with people with ED's that you can show him if he feels overwhelmed.

You should tell him, but dont make a big deal out of it - you are you, your ED is just an evil voice inside your head that has it coming at some point! don't let it dictate your openness with you bf

xxx
Reply 2002
Original post by Antiaris
You are being so brave, you need to keep it up to keep living. I can't really say what you look like, but you are probably going through a bad dysmorphia moment. Cheese isn't bad (unless you're lactose intolerant.) Pasta isn't bad. The only thing that is bad is what is going around your head. Ask yourself which is worse, having anorexia or having a potato? Puts things in perspective and is an easy shove in the right direction.

Also; Jesus, how many eating disordered Toms are there?!

You're a Tom
Toto is a Tom
I'm a Tom
One of my friends who developed an ED was a Tom
Another person I know who was ED in the other direction was a Tom....

EDIT:

Also mentioning I had a very weak moment today too. I kept insisting I needed to have food, kinda pushed to the side and ignored. Ended up going a little gaga later.

Me


Key is to get over it an move forward.



.


Thanks Antiaris. It does kinda put things in perspective. Don't know whether it's body dysmorphia really. Pics may help (apologies for the wind-swept roamer look going on) :rolleyes:
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/album.php?albumid=4040&pictureid=15135
I just can't understand why there's such a difference between the me in company and me alone. I can eat for England if someone's there with me, when left to my own devices food's quite clearly my enemy. It just kinda highlights the fact that even though I have mates elsewhere, in uni I feel so alone. Lunch is just hell. Part of the reason why I'm staying at home, can barely trust myself to cook.

Spoiler


And I really don't know how to move forward. Right now there is only me, and the food, and the work (uni), and the walk to the work, and sometimes this or a whine to someone. There never really feels time for anything productive or-well, fun!
But I have to work. I have to do well, my grades are pretty much how I've justified my self-worth in the family since time immemorial. It's nigh-on impossible (like shaking, can't sleep at night from the guilt, choking sensations) to lower the bar.

If I were you with needing to eat and being pushed aside, no-one can physically prevent you from getting something. If you want it enough you'll get it, there's always a way. Although sometimes it helps not to be placed in the centre of things, helps us to remember everyone has a struggle to fight and it can't all be done by someone else.
You're right though, there seem to be a lot of disordered-eating Toms out there! All the more reason to stand together against this, eh?

ED aside, completely agree with you wih the cheese thing Sentiment. I would hate to be lactose intolerant : O
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Antiaris
You are being so brave, you need to keep it up to keep living. I can't really say what you look like, but you are probably going through a bad dysmorphia moment. Cheese isn't bad (unless you're lactose intolerant.) Pasta isn't bad. The only thing that is bad is what is going around your head. Ask yourself which is worse, having anorexia or having a potato? Puts things in perspective and is an easy shove in the right direction.

Also; Jesus, how many eating disordered Toms are there?!

You're a Tom
Toto is a Tom
I'm a Tom
One of my friends who developed an ED was a Tom
Another person I know who was ED in the other direction was a Tom....

EDIT:

Also mentioning I had a very weak moment today too. I kept insisting I needed to have food, kinda pushed to the side and ignored. Ended up going a little gaga later.

Me


Key is to get over it an move forward.



.


Tom is one of the best names there is :biggrin:
We seem to be having bad days?

Spoiler



Things will hopefully calm down over the weekend and a fresh start soon!! Don't give up guys!!!!
Original post by Cinamon
We seem to be having bad days?

Spoiler



Things will hopefully calm down over the weekend and a fresh start soon!! Don't give up guys!!!!



huggles dear. I'll rant about life when I've finished practicing my guitar. Why does Shalott have to be so quick?
Reply 2006
Yo guys.

I don't know if this goes here but:

Its not that I'm eating too much. Its that I'm eating too little. Whenever I eat a meal, I take my time eating it, and well, I eventually get full with half/quater of the meal left and I end up throwing it away.

Its likely because since I've come to uni... my food routine has become really crap. What can I do?
Original post by Cinamon
We seem to be having bad days?

Spoiler



Things will hopefully calm down over the weekend and a fresh start soon!! Don't give up guys!!!!


You do know post ED people are supposed to go to BMI 20-25 otherwise there is greater risk of relapse, right?

People from look can't really tell the difference between BMI's anyway. (Unless you got to low BMI in adolescence, therefore you catch up with growth and stuff. Seriously, aged 5 years from BMI 19 -> 20)
Reply 2008
I never made the Tom correlation.

Perhaps the Toms of the world are destined to be inherent overachievers with wit and charm, handsome and talented, but fate requires us to have a flaw of some sort and so ED is our folly?

:wink:

Haha, so, so modest... :P
I have been ****ed over by yet another guy. I got on the scales this morning and the numbers had gone down and I thought 'great, this is all I've got again now if I haven't got him'. It's ****ing pathetic.

I'd spoiler this but I have no idea how, if anyone would like me to if you could tell me how then I'll do it.

Sorry for the negativity but I just want to curl up on the floor and cry like a baby.
Original post by sentiment
I have been ****ed over by yet another guy. I got on the scales this morning and the numbers had gone down and I thought 'great, this is all I've got again now if I haven't got him'. It's ****ing pathetic.

I'd spoiler this but I have no idea how, if anyone would like me to if you could tell me how then I'll do it.

Sorry for the negativity but I just want to curl up on the floor and cry like a baby.


As a guy I can tell you that guy's are douches. We really are.

How can what somebody else is affect what you are? You are no less lovely, no less amazing, no less YOU due to that guy being cruel. You don't need to prove that you ARE something with a number, that you ARE good. You are good already. The number is something completely separate. You prove nothing with that number. It. Is. Meaningless.

The guy has knocked your confidence in your non-number self, we can see that. What you need to do is to PROVE that you have more to offer. You aren't offering anything with that low number, you are just taking things away.
Reply 2011

Spoiler

Anon newbie here, just posting to vent out some of the sheer turmoil that is my brain and attitude to food currently.
I started dieting in May of this year, determined to no longer be the "token fat girl" (at 5'6 and 11 stone). This started as skipping breakfast and lunch, with a small dinner (around 300-400 calories per day). Then I read about the benefits of eating breakfast on weight loss whilst on study leave, so I started eating a tiny breakfast, still trying to keep under 500 calories per day. By this point, my diet was tofu and ricecakes with peanut butter or Nutella, washed down with endless water and green tea.
After that, my caloric intake slowly increased (with one or two "binge" days for which I completely detested myself) to around 900, then up to 1100 and skirting around 1200 without ever really attaining it. That was when I started university. Going out every night meant drinking, and drinking means calories- so I ate as little as possible beforehand and got smashed. I lost half a stone over freshers' week before developing an infection that required antibiotics, which meant eating, so I went back up to around 1200 calories (overestimating calories and leaving as much as possible means I never quite get there, though). I'm currently at home for reading week and aiming to eat 1200 calories per day while I'm here, plus do some exercise (Wii Fit, zumba, running, shopping) each day, quit the Diet Coke, no alcohol or junk food- basically, fill my body with healthy things that should hopefully stave off weight gain which is my biggest, most all consuming fear. I'm currently around 170cm and 48.5kg, just hoping that eating so sensibly will change my body and not the numbers on the scale, because I still think I'm flabby and fat.
<white text for TMI> I haven't had a period since June and I'm scared I've ****ed up my fertility.</white text>


I have a referral to an eating disorders clinic on the insistence of my very scared family, but someone with more insight than me- how do I beat this?
Hey guys, I posted the other day about my friend mentioning seeing an ED therapist.

I've since spoken to her roommate, who's told me the extent of the problems...

Spoiler contains ED and self-harm behaviour...

Spoiler



She's also broken up with her boyfriend - I don't know if this is a cause or consequence of the behaviour.

Her and her roommate are both very private people and don't talk about emotions much. Her roommate wants to tell her how worried we are about her, but thinks that she'll either laugh it off or get angry for bringing it up. Anyone got any advice on how to deal with it?
Reply 2014
Original post by Anonymous
Anon newbie here, just posting to vent out some of the sheer turmoil that is my brain and attitude to food currently.
I started dieting in May of this year, determined to no longer be the "token fat girl" (at 5'6 and 11 stone). This started as skipping breakfast and lunch, with a small dinner (around 300-400 calories per day). Then I read about the benefits of eating breakfast on weight loss whilst on study leave, so I started eating a tiny breakfast, still trying to keep under 500 calories per day. By this point, my diet was tofu and ricecakes with peanut butter or Nutella, washed down with endless water and green tea.
After that, my caloric intake slowly increased (with one or two "binge" days for which I completely detested myself) to around 900, then up to 1100 and skirting around 1200 without ever really attaining it. That was when I started university. Going out every night meant drinking, and drinking means calories- so I ate as little as possible beforehand and got smashed. I lost half a stone over freshers' week before developing an infection that required antibiotics, which meant eating, so I went back up to around 1200 calories (overestimating calories and leaving as much as possible means I never quite get there, though). I'm currently at home for reading week and aiming to eat 1200 calories per day while I'm here, plus do some exercise (Wii Fit, zumba, running, shopping) each day, quit the Diet Coke, no alcohol or junk food- basically, fill my body with healthy things that should hopefully stave off weight gain which is my biggest, most all consuming fear. I'm currently around 170cm and 48.5kg, just hoping that eating so sensibly will change my body and not the numbers on the scale, because I still think I'm flabby and fat.
<white text for TMI> I haven't had a period since June and I'm scared I've ****ed up my fertility.</white text>


I have a referral to an eating disorders clinic on the insistence of my very scared family, but someone with more insight than me- how do I beat this?


I can tell you now from firsthand experience that no amount of healthy eating or exercise alone will ease off that fear of weight gain-that will require a change in your attitude and values about life in general. Principally that weight and scales and fat or flab or whatever we may blame for our perceived inferiority say nothing, nothing ,about the amazing person you are inside. Nobody here can tell you how to beat this for that exact same reason; it's different for everyone and truly is an internal struggle over your identity and self-esteem expressed outwards. What we can offer you is the support and encouragement to face your inner demons, explore your inner self and come beyond this not only healthy in body, but in mind and soul as well.
Junk food and booze ironically can have its place in a healthy diet too! My dietician put it to me that a "perfect" diet is unhealthy if it makes you miserable-the stress can actually do more damage than the food itself sometimes!
Please get help soon, the warning signs are already there. We're here if you need us.
:hugs:
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Riku

Spoiler



Couldn't help but laugh, ain't gonna lie, your time-keeping does sound kinda bad.

What you are doing is trying to use your missing therapy sessions as an excuse to not eat by saying it's messing with your timing. Eat for YOUR timing. Just shift your times a little and organise your day a little better.

Always leave quarter of an hour lee-way.

Also by the sounds of it I would say you aren't really at the intuitive eating stage yet, you are still looking for excuses not to eat. Once again, stay organized.

Original post by Anonymous
Anon newbie here, just posting to vent out some of the sheer turmoil that is my brain and attitude to food currently.
I started dieting in May of this year, determined to no longer be the "token fat girl" (at 5'6 and 11 stone). This started as skipping breakfast and lunch, with a small dinner (around 300-400 calories per day). Then I read about the benefits of eating breakfast on weight loss whilst on study leave, so I started eating a tiny breakfast, still trying to keep under 500 calories per day. By this point, my diet was tofu and ricecakes with peanut butter or Nutella, washed down with endless water and green tea.
After that, my caloric intake slowly increased (with one or two "binge" days for which I completely detested myself) to around 900, then up to 1100 and skirting around 1200 without ever really attaining it. That was when I started university. Going out every night meant drinking, and drinking means calories- so I ate as little as possible beforehand and got smashed. I lost half a stone over freshers' week before developing an infection that required antibiotics, which meant eating, so I went back up to around 1200 calories (overestimating calories and leaving as much as possible means I never quite get there, though). I'm currently at home for reading week and aiming to eat 1200 calories per day while I'm here, plus do some exercise (Wii Fit, zumba, running, shopping) each day, quit the Diet Coke, no alcohol or junk food- basically, fill my body with healthy things that should hopefully stave off weight gain which is my biggest, most all consuming fear. I'm currently around 170cm and 48.5kg, just hoping that eating so sensibly will change my body and not the numbers on the scale, because I still think I'm flabby and fat.
<white text for TMI> I haven't had a period since June and I'm scared I've ****ed up my fertility.</white text>

I have a referral to an eating disorders clinic on the insistence of my very scared family, but someone with more insight than me- how do I beat this?


You've made the first step of realising you have a problem, you've begun taking steps to getting better now PUSH WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT. Stop listening to the numbers and just concentrate on your eating. Food is separate to numbers.

Original post by Anonymous
Hey guys, I posted the other day about my friend mentioning seeing an ED therapist.

I've since spoken to her roommate, who's told me the extent of the problems...

Spoiler contains ED and self-harm behaviour...

Spoiler



She's also broken up with her boyfriend - I don't know if this is a cause or consequence of the behaviour.

Her and her roommate are both very private people and don't talk about emotions much. Her roommate wants to tell her how worried we are about her, but thinks that she'll either laugh it off or get angry for bringing it up. Anyone got any advice on how to deal with it?


The only way forward is to talk to her. If she doesn't respond ask for help from the university.

Wish I could offer more advice, but those are generally the best accepted answers in this sort of circumstance.
I woke up today feeling so much more positive than yesterday. My mood's deteriorated slightly this evening but not too badly. I still feel alright.

I've been thinking about telling this guy I've met recently about my issues with my weight. I think it would have to be in the sense that I used to be much more ill than I am now (which is very true) and I'm doing my best not to go back to where I was before (slightly less true) but that I still struggle with it (true). I don't want his reaction to be to try to get me to get help, because I don't want or even really need to (and that's me, not the ED talking), but I think if we are going to end up in some kind of relationship, or even if we're just close friends, I'd like him to know now, and I think telling him would be a risk worth taking. I also think he could be very good for me. I thought I'd never manage a relationship until I'm properly better...even with my ex who I'd been seeing for a long time during one of my relatively healthy phases, I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin around him and hated taking my clothes of for him. It's different now. Just thought I'd share that. I don't like seeing this thread being neglected over the weekends!
I'm really scared of going to Uni and putting weight on there! I want to do Self Catering but two of the Unis I've applied to don't really do it, plus I'm not sure my parents would let me as they want me to recover
I don't want to waste my parents money paying for a meal plan then not eating :frown: does anyone here find it easy to eat healthily etc. at Uni?
Original post by Anonymous
I'm really scared of going to Uni and putting weight on there! I want to do Self Catering but two of the Unis I've applied to don't really do it, plus I'm not sure my parents would let me as they want me to recover
I don't want to waste my parents money paying for a meal plan then not eating :frown: does anyone here find it easy to eat healthily etc. at Uni?


Ok, my advice for going to uni is:

1) Make eating a social event. Sounds silly, but it does make sense at uni. In catered accommodation it means you can go down to the canteen/wherever with your flatmates/corridor-mates (especially at the beginning of the year) - it breaks the ice, it's a good place for everyone to sit down and chat and get to know each other, and it takes the focus off worrying about food because you can focus on chatting instead (I know eating in front of other people isn't easy, but maybe use it as a social guide, see how much people eat and how relaxed they are as they do it. If they can do it without suddenly putting on loads of weight, everyone can!)

If you end up in catered accommodation, again, don't use it as an excuse to avoid eating. Use it as an excuse to get to know the people you live with again - do group dinners, special occasions are always fun, themed nights, whatever.

2) It is perfectly possible to eat healthily at university. Make shopping lists so you know in advance what you need to buy and what you want to eat (saves money). Buy and cook in bulk and freeze stuff if you can. Keep snacks like fruit, nuts, oatcakes, whatever you like, readily available in your room so you have healthy things to encourage yourself to eat.

3) Take up a sport. There are so many sports available at uni, and it's so much more than just exercise. It's fun, it's a way of meeting people, and it's so good for encouraging you to keep to healthy eating habits because you know you need the energy. If you find you love the sport it's even easier because it's even more motivation! Don't worry about being shy or self-conscious, there's so many new people at societies that no one will think twice and you soon become comfortable.

4) Keep to as much of a routine as you can at university. It's not always easy because of lecture times, going out, societies etc. But it really does help, because you get into the habit of eating regular meals. It also helps you feel better mentally because there's more structure.

5) Ask for help if you need it. University counsellors will have a lot of experience with eating disorders, the medical centres will too and some universities have specialist eating disorder services. Also talk to the Mental Health advisors at your university if you need more support, and also your tutor/student advisor/etc. They're there to help you.

Sorry this is so long!
Relapsing... It's just too easy.
Also, has anyone here been on whyeat.net? Have joined in hopes of getting help to control this relapse but there seems to be a lot of wanna's there.

Quick Reply

Latest