Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Reply 2060

Thank you for your encouragement, I'm just worried about telling the doctors...

To be fair, that did scare me quite a bit :colondollar:

I did make a suicide attempt recently but I quickly realised that I actually want to keep on living. I just... want a hug, and someone to go with me :s-smilie:

How pathetic is that!

It's not pathetic to want someone to go with you! Is there anyone in your family or a close friend who you would trust to ask to go with you? :redface:

Reply 2061

Watch Key Phone

Original post by Riku

Visiting my mate in Sheffield today which is challenging enough for my anxiety but also has left me vulnerable in terms of the ED. Anyway I tried behaving like an "ED-free" person by buying a wrap for convenience sake and that was going okay, then we opened this milk chocolate bar I'd brought up for him and I had a few bites (so far, so good) and finally tried a Cadbury's Hot Chocolate while we wound up the night. (Honestly never had it before as I barely ever do fizzy/calorific drinks and stuff bar the odd fruit-juice, and obviously tonight was a quiet one so it seemed cosy enough a choice).
Now I can't sleep.
Hate it when you try and give a big FU to the ED and it's slapped right back in your face >_<
And I have to say CC looks superb. I'd always given it a miss it because of its very name being triggering beforehand, but actually there's a wealth of information for sufferers and those recovering alike. Kinda explains how a 5-year long "diet", if not necessarily a full-blown ED, has contributed to so many things which suck in my life for no reason.
Gonna have a good, long and hard look at the weight-gain plan, and stop beating round the bush. Not being underweight's no excuse for reining in on intake because if this carries on I will be again by Christmas. Just wish it was easier to get some kip : /

This relates to me so much. I feel like I have to choose between eating a really good, big, healthy meal and not getting any sleep, or getting a good night's sleep but not eating as well as I should.

Reply 2062

.snowflake.

Original post by Amwazicles

This relates to me so much. I feel like I have to choose between eating a really good, big, healthy meal and not getting any sleep, or getting a good night's sleep but not eating as well as I should.

im the opposite. eat too little, get a **** nights sleep. admittedly, eat too much to the extent im in pain, dont sleep because my stomachs a great big wibbly wobbly ball of OW!

Reply 2063

Watch Key Phone

Original post by .snowflake.

im the opposite. eat too little, get a **** nights sleep. admittedly, eat too much to the extent im in pain, dont sleep because my stomachs a great big wibbly wobbly ball of OW!

Why can't you sleep when you've eaten too little? :frown:

Because of feeling hungry or anxious (or something else)?

Reply 2064

Antiaris

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you for your encouragement, I'm just worried about telling the doctors...

To be fair, that did scare me quite a bit :colondollar:

I did make a suicide attempt recently but I quickly realised that I actually want to keep on living. I just... want a hug, and someone to go with me :s-smilie:

How pathetic is that!

Research has shown that for optimal psychological state a person NEEDS at minimum one hug a day.

Have your hug.

E-Hug?

People feel for you, even if it is over the internet. We care.

A person might not sleep properly if they eat too little as carbs are needed to stimulate the production of serotonin. Serotonin stimulates the production of melatonin which is integral in sleep.

Reply 2065

sentiment

Original post by Amwazicles

Why can't you sleep when you've eaten too little? :frown:

Because of feeling hungry or anxious (or something else)?

If I start to go downhill into a bad phase of eating far too little, the first physical sign for me is being completely unable to sleep for hours after I go to bed.

Reply 2066

Watch Key Phone

Original post by sentiment

If I start to go downhill into a bad phase of eating far too little, the first physical sign for me is being completely unable to sleep for hours after I go to bed.

Hmm, I guess I see what you mean too. :redface:

Reply 2067

.snowflake.

Original post by Amwazicles

Why can't you sleep when you've eaten too little? :frown:

Because of feeling hungry or anxious (or something else)?

hunger probably. Some times I can eat very little and still sleep, others I end up getting 3-4 hours sleep.

Reply 2068

Polly1101

I'm not sure if anyone has heard of/seen 'body gossip'. This video is about anorexia, and is extremely moving and i can imagine empowering for those overcoming EDs. Have a look:
http://www.youtube.com/bodygossip#p/a/C49C5E0C60183207/0/qFa5JNfCvIU

Reply 2069

Riku

Original post by Amwazicles

This relates to me so much. I feel like I have to choose between eating a really good, big, healthy meal and not getting any sleep, or getting a good night's sleep but not eating as well as I should.

It's completely illogical and unfair, isn't it? It's been hell every time I've gone round to a friend's for the night and the amount of times I've justified skipping dessert because it'll help me sleep better. The worst seems to be coming back from my nan's, where after a luxurious dinner I often get lethargic but then have to wait for hours before real sleepiness kicks in.
More often than not it tends to be hunger and I come downstairs and binge on some PB on toast :redface:

(except for with Nan who stubbornly makes sure I'm not going to bed hungry!)
At least this year I've outgrown my crazy ritual of using a banana to get to sleep, then walking round downstairs for an hour until I felt like passing out. Used to be the only way so there's some improvement there :smile:

I feel for ya :hugs:

Original post by Antiaris

Generally speaking Antiaris, I'm sure I'm getting sufficient carbs. It's rare that they become a fear food except when refined. I struggle more with the usual fear of fat, namely ratios and types. For example, before my eating got really disordered I was at a friend's party and in the morning made some toast but apparently slathered it with grotesque amounts of butter (by his standards, not mine then) which made everyone's hangover twice as bad and got me "banned" from eating at his as a joke. Yet now I can't comfortably eat butter and really still have my doubts about olive spread and PB. I'm reliant on mayonnaise (? where's the logic in that?) and nuts for fats really, except for some dairy to try and avoid osteoporosis. I don't entirely trust myself to put a sensible and healthy amount of spread on, much like I don't trust myself to have cake and stop when I'm full, know when I'm actually hungry/full or just comfort eating (and I've done a lot of that on this trip as a result of letting go/stress from lack of sleep) or be able to get drunk without ending up in A+E. Lack of trust seems to be a major issue in all of this.
But yeah, fats. I'm gonna need them because I've re-committed myself to weight gain after the healthy diet went too far again, but I just don't know where to start. I read what you mentioned a few weeks ago, but saturates and trans are still muddled in my mind, as is wherever something like butter can ever be good for you?

Reply 2070

Watch Key Phone

Original post by Riku

I feel for ya :hugs:

I know exactly what you mean. But sometimes if I'm really hungry it keeps me awake, so it's sort of lose-lose.
Why a banana? :curious:

Reply 2071

sentiment

I planned all morning that at 2.30 I would have something to eat...now I've spent so long stressing out about what to have that I don't think I even really want anything any more. This thing is so damn frustrating sometimes.

Reply 2072

TotoMimo

Original post by sentiment

I have found myself in the same situation today.

I have been placating myself with alcohol for an entire week in an incredibly unhealthy "Well, if I'm not fully conscious I can't worry about it all" mentality. Today I woke up and felt sore, shivery and generally unwell. I told myself "Tom, screw it, you need to eat more and not drink anything today."

I told myself I'd get a takeaway for the first time in months and months. A treat for breaking a bad routine. I spent about two hours going over and over in my head what I'd have. Chippy... I could have a bit of fish. Oh, man, I love chippy fish. Or a chow mein. Oh, but which has less calories? Oh, which is higher in sat fats? Crap. Maybe I should get something where I know the values because they have an online nutritional guide.

I'll get a Brazer from KFC, that's only like 430 kcals. And I'll enjoy that! Actually, KFC is hard to get to, maybe I should go for the more accessible McDonalds. But it's not very satisfying. Subway's next to that, so I could just get a Turkey sub! And that's dead healthy! Actually, you know what? What's the point. A turkey sub for a treat?

And bam. Two hours had passed and by this point I'd just had soup instead. Infuriating.

Reply 2073

Riku

Original post by Amwazicles

I know exactly what you mean. But sometimes if I'm really hungry it keeps me awake, so it's sort of lose-lose.
Why a banana? :curious:

Original post by sentiment

Original post by TotoMimo

"A banana as a fruit is a relatively low-calorie and very low-fat snack which also serves as a good source of potassium and magnesium, electrolytes which help to maintain regular heart rhythm, brain and nerve function. While perhaps this wouldn't be the healthiest choice considering its high Gl at most times, in this situation it could work in my favour as it will help to release melatonin thus making me feel sleepy."
Did I mention I like bananas? Honestly, at times I was thinking like a robot.
:hugs:

Had a go at scrambled eggs on toast, have to say I wasn't yet ready to risk the butter and ended up turning back to the Google trap. But hey, any lunch is better than nothing, right?
Toto's right, that sometimes we need to draw a line between a beneficial concern for our health and well-being, and an obsession that ultimately only serves as a means to helplessly placate the ED in vain. Paralysis by analysis, as they say. It's times like this when we have to try our best to ignore the voices screaming a thousand different things in our head and go with what our heart tells us. Sometimes you actually have to "fake it to make it" and dare to open your eyes to the idea that there is so much more to this world and ourselves than what we know and can ever imagine, if we only allow ourselves to embrace it. It seems like it'll never get easier, and it's always easier to stay within our comfort zones and never take the risk, but you never know unless you try.

Reply 2074

ScramblingtoSun

Inspiring story! I had a friend with multiple eating disorders, a lot of what you said rang true (e.g. how much weight you can put on after you eat a small amount) and how it becomes a demon. Good on you!

Reply 2075

Watch Key Phone

Original post by Riku

Makes sense. At least it was a banana which has got some good nutrients in it, rather than something even less nutritious like a bit of bread or something :dontknow:

And I suppose it's also good that it's something you actively liked, and not just ate because of those other reasons. But still, it's great that you're into batter habits now :hugs:

Has anyone heard of or read the book called Monkey Taming, by Judith Fathallah? I highly recommend it, it's really inspiring, for anyone really, but especially ED sufferers :redface:

Reply 2076

diamonddust

Original post by Amwazicles

Makes sense. At least it was a banana which has got some good nutrients in it, rather than something even less nutritious like a bit of bread or something :dontknow:

And I suppose it's also good that it's something you actively liked, and not just ate because of those other reasons. But still, it's great that you're into batter habits now :hugs:

Has anyone heard of or read the book called Monkey Taming, by Judith Fathallah? I highly recommend it, it's really inspiring, for anyone really, but especially ED sufferers :redface:

Oooh, I've never heard of it but it looks good.