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Pushy Parents Vs Laid-Back parents

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Reply 40
Avatar for DSB
DSB
Original post by Octohedral
Mine got me interested in learning from an early age, without being pushy (they're both teachers), which I think is far better than either option, though I realise not all parents have an academic background. They do have an obsessive interest in fairness though;

Me: I've just got an offer from Oxford!
My Dad: Tht's nice. Your sister just got 9 out of 10 in a spelling test. We can celebrate both!


First of all congratulations on your offer, and secondly lol nice, a 9/10 on a spelling test does compare to University of Oxford. :biggrin::biggrin:
I had very laid back parents. They completely trusted me to do what needed to be done myself and it worked out pretty well. I'm in the med school I wanted to get into and I'm really happy with my life. I think if a parent pushes too much it can lead to resentment and resistance. I know I would have been less inclined to study if I felt my parents were trying to bully me into it. Probably just depends on the person though, some people are very self motivated, others are not.
Reply 42
Avatar for Tanet
Tanet
My Mum and Dad are both very laid back when it comes to education, although they do care if I failed, but if I just passed they would be proud regardless of the actual grade. I'm the only one in my family that will be going to University, hence why my parents haven't really got a clue about applying etc. I've done well academically and I believe you don't really need 'pushy parents' to do well, it depends on your own expectations and what you want to achieve in life. I know many people who have pushy parents who are pushing them in the direction they want them to follow, when my friends want something entirely different.
Although the type of parents you have does make a difference to some extent, I think it's your own wishes that matter more really.

I do wish though that my parents understood more about education and motivated me more though, seems like I have to provide that for myself.
(edited 12 years ago)
laid back but pushy :frown: laid back as in they dont have any interest in what im doing but the minute i want to make a decision like change a subject or drop a subject, they suddenly become pushy when they dont even know what they're talking about. grrrrrrrr
Pushy, but in a good way - they instilled a good work ethic in me from a young age, so that now I'm at university I work hard and manage my own time. Not doing homework or leaving it until the night before just wasn't an option - I got into the habit of doing it the same day it was set, and the habit stuck.
My parents are in between. They're encouraging and they always say I work hard but when I go home I can't work there, too many distractions. They don't see me working and then they become concerned, which really bugs me. I remember during GCSEs and A levels when my mum thought I was lazy - no, I just happened to be taking a break whenever she decided to come and check on me. :rolleyes:
Original post by caligulina
I have the best combination of parents; laid back when it comes to social things, relatively pushy to make sure I get off my ass to do academic/employment things. They'll back me no matter what I do, so long as I do something and I'm happy with it.


this pretty much
Ive left school and almost finished éducation now- but I had really awful pushy parents.

They treated m'y SATs like they were a matter of life or death (seriously), I remember it being so harsh at thé âge of 11.

And thé really hard thing was that at m'y school nô-one else's parents were like that- people shouted "BOFFIN" at me all thé time, when I am not really that clever. They thought I was à freak because I read books.

I rebelled later on though, when doing my a-levels, I thought There was no point, it wasnt making me Happy.
Laid-back and I much prefer it- from GCSEs I was left to my own devices however I was a little sht and didn't do any work and got bad grades. Since my parents left to my own devices they were within their rights to tell me it was my own issue to deal with. From A-levels onwards I worked much harder cos I learnt the value myself rather than being told to do this, that and the other. I find that most people with pushy parents do really well at GCSE and A-level however at uni where there is no mummy and daddy telling you to work they simply don't and get behind without realising. I think that although not having pushy parents meant I was left with a bumpy academic record I'm a completely independent learner now :smile:
My parents are both teachers, but they're not actually that pushy. They want me to do well and go to all parents evening things and such like and like to know how I do in tests etc. But there's no extreme pushiness or demands for certian grades. I actually them being teachers helps as they know how to support in the best and healthies way :smile:
Reply 50
Avatar for Kerrias
Kerrias
13
My father doesn't care about my education really to be honest, I doubt he could tell you anything about how i'm getting along or anything, my mother is pushy to the extent of she wants me to get good grades and is dissapointed/angry when I don't but how I go about it is up to me. She never sits me down and says 'revise now', studying is my responsibility and she doesn't care as long as I'm coming out with good grades. But if I come home with a 'bad' grade then I run and hide haha. That can be annoying if I've genuinely tried and just done poorly.

I would hate to have overly pushy parents as I know how and when I study best and what I'm capable of, not my parents or anyone else. However, I would hate to have two overly laid-back parents like my father as it feels he has no interest and doesnt care or be proud if I do well. Also, when I need support with something schooly like choosing subjects I don't feel I have his input or interest.
Reply 51
Avatar for Jessca
Jessca
9
my dad is pushy to the extreme. I'm not naturally smart and for a good few years of my life I was in learning support and basically told I wouldn't properly read or write... contrast this to now, I am in year 13 and got BBC at AS level. Now a fair few students (excluding most of TSR) would be really happy with these results and with the progress I have made I should be too right?

My dad shouted at me and said how disappointed he is that I didn't get any A's :| Its got to the point where I feel pushed away by my dad. I've kept Jan results day a secret and I don't tell him when my exams are anymore because of this. Its demotivating and makes me feel dumb. My dad doesn't have any qualifications himself, none at all.. so its clear he is trying to live his dreams through me and he doesn't understand how hard A-levels are so he has extremely high expectations of me :s-smilie:

I feel more sorry for my younger sister - shes naturally smart, doing GCSEs at the moment, my dad always says that she will go to Cambridge and places these expectations on her already! :|
I'd never call my parents laidback, but they're not always on my back. But when I get letters home from school or phone calls...they go crazy and say--- but I thought since the last time you'd mended your ways! Worked hard! What do we have to do with this child! und so weiter
My dad is lovely though, and smooths things over after the storm, and they're both happy when good things happen at school i.e. take praise much more seriously than I ever would.

They were pretty mad over my GCSEs, specially since I didn't get my predictions and they saw how little I'd done over the two years, and that I'd gotten into trouble at school and still not bucked up. I didn't want straight A*s, they thought I practically had a right to them. I don't know....they both worked hard and did well, but that's just normal for them. I grew up in a different environment, blah blah etc. My dad started out this year saying- if you don't get A*s in the summer, you can expect a lot less support if things don't work out well. I think he's mellowed a little but things will not go well if I don't get AAA.
What you'll find on tsr especially is people with pushy parents.
My mum cares quite a bit and expects me to get at least a C in every subject at GCSE, (which I am doing) attend parents evening etc.. but is letting me make my own decisions about subjects for next year and get on with my own studying. She is a lot more pushier with my sister on the other hand as she needs a lot more motivation than I do, but she has already said to her once she gets good GCSE grades she can go to college if she wants. I find this works really well as I can go to her with any issues and she will always try to support me in whatever I do, but she always expects effort.

My dad on the other hand can't understand why I want to go to university (he hasn't got a qualification to his name) thinks its a waste of money etc which I find a bit demoralizing. He only cares about me getting a job and is not really interested in my studies.
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 55
Avatar for AbuAK
AbuAK
11
My parents are laid back, but if I say I want to do something, they will push me to that goal, be it grades or a career or a job.
Kind of both, pushy for most stuff, but for education they leave me to it since I do fairly well. Though this may change after tomorow...
Laid back, but they know I don't need the pushing. Even way back in primary school, I'd get homework and just get on with it without complaining.
My brother, on the other hand, would forget his head if not attached to his body. He'd never get any homework done if not reminded of it, so my parents have to be a bit more pushy with him.

It does annoy me sometimes, though. As I am expected to work hard and get good grades, nobody bats an eyelid when I do well. Of course I don't want praising for everything, but my parents are all "meh" if I do well. With my brother, he'll get 15/20 in a maths test and they're ready to celebrate his great achievement.
(edited 12 years ago)
I think it really depends on the individual.
My parents are 'pushy' in that they always tell me to do some work, but that just annoys me :P
I much prefer to be left to my own devices, and seek help when I need it.

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