Do I have a moral responsibility to not sleep with guys who are taken?

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eh?

The "relationship" you're in with this man, you're just as responsible as him. What has other peoples relationships got to do with it?

I am not in a relationship with anyone. He is however in a relationship with his wife, regardless of the nature of it.

Again, why is it my responsibility to be concerned about them and their relationship when I don't know them and can't answer for their actions?

Reply 81

Schroedinger's Pandora

Original post by Anonymous

You've asked this question over and over, and you've had the answers you asked for. Yet, still you ask it!

There is no reasoning with ignorance and stupidity. If I found out you were screwing my husband, I would not be responsible for what I'd do to you. I wish slappers like you would find a quiet place to die.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 82

Dr Good Manners

Original post by Anonymous

As mentioned several times in the thread, I haven't started a relationship with the fella and there have been no expectations of a commitment in any way.

So why are you asking this stupid question then? People generally aren't going to speak in favour of aiding adultery

Reply 83

Goody2Shoes-x

Original post by Anonymous

As for coming out cold, I think it might be my way of discussing (I don't really understand why I am so important in a general discussion only because I used myself as an example. But fair enough).

As for the casual sex thing, it's not that simple. People have been saying "there are plenty of hot single men out there, sleep with one of them instead", but there's not plenty of guys for me out there and I could never sleep with anyone with appearance as the only criteria. For me, it's very rare that I meet someone that I can connect with in such a way - enough for me to want to get very intimate with that person. I have been lonely for a long time, feeling isolated from reality (I could at times be too introverted and lost in my own thoughts) and suddenly I met someone who could make me feel seen and noticed, and who appeared to understand me and my view of the world. And at the same time he was showering me with affection. At some point I decided that what I needed was more important than what a stranger who I haven't met nor will ever met (the wife) need. In all fairness, that's what all people do all the time. Maybe not necessarily with sex, but there's a reason why you don't donate your whole salary to charity, even though other people probably need those money a lot more than you do. I think it's a bit hypocritical of posters here to pretend otherwise.

As for the whole thing coming out, I don't see how it could happen. It's not like I tell everyone who I'm sleeping with (and I doubt he does either).

But the fact of the matter is, he is married. On his wedding day he made a commitment to his wife and she made one to him - that they were going to love each other, and be devoted to each other. He is lying to his wife by sleeping with you, which means he is blatantly disrespecting his marriage vows as well as his wife. Think about it for a bit. Does that honestly not bother you, just a tiny bit? I mean, he has cheated before, so it's likely he'll do it again, but are you honestly content to be a bit on the side? Bearing in mind that in doing so, you're allowing him to get away with this duplicity? I mean, you say he makes you feel a connection, but has it ever occured to you that that is just part of a lie to get you into bed? And if so, does that bother you? That your "connection" is false? I'm sorry that you felt lonely and isolated before this happened, but you can't rely on someone else to get you out of that. You need to do it yourself. And indulging in an affair with a married man is a bit of a recipe for disaster.

And as for the coming out, if his wife finds out? I mean, she may already suspect. If she suspects, all she has to do is do a bit of poking around and voila. If she found out, there is a chance she will confront you, tell your family or friends. You say your friends will understand, but will they necesserarily trust you? Anyone can make a mistake yes, but the fact that you don't seem to think you're doing anything wrong says to me that you don't consider this a mistake and would gladly do it again, which is in my opinion an immoral thing to do. And your family will most likely not understand or condone your behaviour, so that would be a huge fall out there.

I've anwsered your questions. I think we have to agree to disagree.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 84

forgetamine

You shouldn't really make a topic like that on a forum like TSR. The majority of people on here is very narrow minded and still lives in medieval times.

Yes, we all know cheating is bad. I've never been cheated on personally but I can imagine how hard it is. I don't even want to imagine my boyfriend cheating on me but if he did then it would definitely be HIS FAULT. Because he's the one who's supposed to care about me, not the girl he's cheated with.

You are attracted to him, not only to his appearance but also to his personality. You've found someone who is special to you, of course you want to be with him. That's what being in love is all about, you just want to make that person happy and don't care about anything else. It's completely normal and I guess it happens to everyone at some point in their lives. You can't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens and you can't do anything about it. In your case that person is a married man. Surely it would be better and easier if he was a single man but he isn't.

If I was in this situation I would feel bad for his wife, definitely. However, he is the one who is a **** because he cheats on her, not you. You have feelings for him and that's just how it is. He should divorce her and stop cheating because it's a bad thing to do. Of course marriage is a big commitment and divorce is going to be a pain in the arse but I don't feel sorry for him. You can just hope he won't cheat on you one day.

That's just my point of view. Some people are probably going to tell me that they want to bash my head into a wall, but whatever.

Reply 85

Stevo112

Original post by Anonymous

It worries you that my friends doesn't feel the need to judge all of me based on only one of my many actions?

And who've said I don't have the desire to find someone for myself?
And why it is about self respect to respect the life choices of people I don't know?

And I've been thinking it through - most of my friends and family have experience of cheating (either been cheated on or have cheated on someone else), so I do think that it something that we could discuss if I wanted to (but obviously there is no reason for me to tell people in general who I'm with until I have a relationship).

And I don't think that cheating is the worst crime possible, really. My sister married the boy who broke her heart by cheating, and they're really happy together now.

And my stepfather wouldn't be in my life right now if my mum hadn't cheated on my dad. Her actions made her happier in the end. But with your logic, you think that my stepdad should've backed out of it and never have started something with my mum. And if so, then my mum's and my family's life would probably be worse off.

And never even once did I consider that he was in any way responsible of my mum's choices. My mum is an adult, just like me.

i've said what i've wanted to say, it is up to you whether or not you want to take anything from it

Reply 86

Stevo112

Original post by forgetamine

How does the story end for you?

You are right, we can't help who we fall in love with, but given you are supporting the OP I am genuinely curious as to how you would expect it to play out...

Reply 87

gintoki

Original post by forgetamine

You shouldn't really make a topic like that on a forum like TSR. The majority of people on here is very narrow minded and still lives in medieval times.

Yeah and you are so open minded to the point you frequently open something else :rolleyes:

Reply 88

masterfulprof

Original post by forgetamine

You shouldn't really make a topic like that on a forum like TSR. The majority of people on here is very narrow minded and still lives in medieval times.

That's just my point of view. Some people are probably going to tell me that they want to bash my head into a wall, but whatever.

Haha! Yes, we agree on that.

Do what you will...and accept responsibility for the choices. He chooses to be with the OP, and she wants what he's offering or she wouldn't do it, so why does anyone else care?

Reply 89

AlmostChicGeek

Original post by Anonymous

In the wait for an relationship, should I sit home and never sleep with anyone? I'm not choosing him instead of a proper relationship, I am choosing him instead of not getting laid!

And apparently there is something wrong with my confidence because I enjoy the company of a gorgeous man who showers me with love and tells me how beautiful and amazing I am, how impressed he is with me and that he thinks I have potential to change the world.

Are you honestly trying to say he is the only guy you could ever get to sleep with you? I'm sure you aren't so find someone who is unattached and don't be a homewrecker. Are you expecting us to sympathise with you, really? No one wants to be cheated on, and to hear that you have but still think this is okay, is telling. Don't take your bitterness out on that poor woman, just because you have been cheated on in the past, that is just petty and immoral.

Reply 90

forgetamine

Original post by Stevo112

How does the story end for you?

You are right, we can't help who we fall in love with, but given you are supporting the OP I am genuinely curious as to how you would expect it to play out...

Well, no one knows how the story is going to end. It might end well for OP and he is going to divorce his wife to be with OP. However, it is quite likely to go wrong if he's not sure who he wants to be with. It's just a complicated situation...

Reply 91

Stevo112

Original post by forgetamine

Don't forget, your talking about OP running off with some guy who sleeps behind his wife's back :tongue:

Reply 92

Tiger Rag

Original post by Stevo112

Don't forget, your talking about OP running off with some guy who sleeps behind his wife's back :tongue:

If he does divorce his wife and goes with the OP, I think the same thing will happen.

Reply 93

sheepy18

Original post by Anonymous

Recently I met this lovely guy... Who is happily married. First thing we really talked about was his wife, how they met etc. He seems really happy with her.

And then... one thing led to another and we have been getting into bed quite a few times.

Am I, a single woman, doing something wrong here? Do I have a moral responsibility to not sleep with a man just because he is married to someone else?

From my point of view - he is just as much of a cheater if he wants to cheat, regardless of he succeeds or not. So I don't think he wouldn't be a cheater only because I would say no to him.

And also, it's really good sex and he treats me like a princess.

You should stay away, home wrecking slut.

Reply 94

masterfulprof

Original post by sheepy18

You should stay away, home wrecking slut.

This case just illustrates the power of really good sex. When you get it, you realize how far you'll go to get more of it. Let's see what happens when the moralizers finally encounter it.

Reply 95

PraxxtorCruel

OP how can you stoop so low? As for someone who knows how cheating feels like, you better than anyone should know how she'd end up feeling. Are you in that mental state where you want to ruin other couples lifes the same way your life got ruined? How can you just throw yourself into this tosser's arms, god it angers me. You're just a piece of garbage which he likes to penetrate. That is his one and only thought of you. As soon as he blows his load on you, his gone, out the door. Is that how he 'showers' you with affection? Wake up and stop doing this to yourself, honestly. He showers you with affection so you open your legs out, that's why. I highly doubt you'd be so willing to have sex with him if he didn't. Now lets say he left his wife and got together with you. What if he started banging other girls behind your back? Would you be okay with that? No you wouldn't as you mentioned in one of your posts I believe. If you're okay with that, then I have nothing more to say and rest my case, and hope you wake up one day.

Oh, just to reiterate, you're a home wrecker.

Even if you feel it is right now, eventually the guilt will eat you from inside. Stop now and the tell the **** to piss off.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 96

consumed by stuff

your responsible for everything you do unfortunatly. thiis is simple. why are you asking this?most people would obviously think you were doing something wrong. if peoples opinions of you on this subject mattered to you, then you would'nt do it. you do it anyway. so why ask the question?

Reply 97

yothi5

Original post by Anonymous

You homewrecker!

Reply 98

dirtyoldriver

Original post by Anonymous

I've heard about it and I was hoping someone who is pro-monogamy would calmly explain why they feel the way they do. You know, without insulting me and talking about slamming my head into a brick wall.

Not sure if this has already been addressed, but I'll do it anyway.

Polygamy is okay, when it is based on the mutual trust and agreement of both partners involved. This is the fundamental part that is missing in this scenario - as far as your lover's wife knows, they have agreed to be monogamous with each other. Therefore what you and he are doing is morally wrong because it is violating the trust and understanding of their marriage. I don't think it takes much to work that out. It's not about being pro-monogamy or otherwise, it's about having respect for everybody involved in the situation, which you are currently not demonstrating towards this man's wife or towards yourself.

To be honest, it seems to me that you are selfish and you are using this thread to try and gain a justification for carrying on doing what you want to do. Just do the world a favour and be one of those people who actually steps back and thinks about somebody other than themselves. Put yourself in his wife's shoes - you say you have been cheated on and you cried for weeks, how much worse do you think it is for someone who is married? Yes, the husband is at fault for pursuing you, but that is not an excuse to disregard the effect YOUR actions are having. Maybe it would actually take somebody like you standing up for yourself and telling him he is a terrible person who doesn't deserve his wife for him to change.

Another thing - I get the impression that this is sex rather than a relationship. So is it really even worth it? Christ, if you were madly in love maybe I could understand the tiniest bit but you're just ****ing, it's not worth it no matter how good your orgasms are. THAT is the most selfish part - you are homewrecking for a purely hedonistic, shallow reason.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 99

KJ_the_crazy_chick

Original post by Anonymous

OP you already know it is wrong. Otherwise you would not be posting a thread about if you are morally right.

I got some sympathy for you as I been in your shoes. It ended up with me being madly in love with him and him not giving a s*** about my feelings. I thought he was treating me like he loved me but he manipulated me in just being his sex toy. All the time we were with each other, he would look for someone better.

But I do not get why you be happy with being the bit on the side? It is horrid and demeaning. Why don't you test how much he cares about you? Stop having sex and spending time with him until he leaves his wife for you. If he truly treats you like a princess, you would be the only "princess" in his life.

If he doesn't leaves his wife for you and gives you an excuse, he is stringing you along for sex. Simple as that. You are probably trying to feel better about this by ignoring that his wife is shadowing your "relationship" and he must like you a lot as he is sleeping with you instead of being with his wife. He will never be yours.

Edit - On the topic of open relationships/marriages both partners in a relationship agree if they are happy with it. It is wrong for a partner to have sex with other people if their partner thinks that is wrong and doesn't know. Just because he is happy to cheat on his wife, doesn't mean she would be if she knew.