Is this normal?

I broke up with my boyfriend about 8 weeks ago now, after 3.5 years together. I was obviously sad when it happened and I've missed him since- although not terribly because we were long distance and I was used to not seeing him for stretches at a time. I took the fact that I wasn't completely and utterly heartbroken like I thought I would be as a sign that it was the right thing to do. I even felt fine enough to agree to go on a date with someone new. We had our second date the other day and it was really really good- we have tonnes of chemistry- but on the way home I started thinking about my ex and all of a sudden it was like the break-up was real, as if some subconcious part of my brain hadn't actually figured out it was over. Now, I feel heartbroken. I can't stop crying, I'm thinking about him constantly, my heart LITERALLY hurts. All I want is him back- although obviously it wouldn't be fair to tell him that because my emotions are quite clearly ****ed up. I don't understand what's going on, I thought I was ok. What's wrong with me?

Reply 1

joey11223

How long were those stretches of time when you'd not see him because of it being an LDR?

I guess it probably just hasn't really hit you properly because you're used to not being around him at times, so in some ways a long distance "it's over" by phone, text, email etc could not really hit home, even though you're the one who said it.

It's an odd comparison but it's a bit like when a friend moves away or when someone dies. You can be quite void of emotion for a while, but then it sinks in you won't see them any more, little things might remind you of them and all the emotion just bursts out.

Reply 2

Car0llle

You started dating other guys and only then finally felt that he is gone. It's a common thing that you realise it's over after some time and then it really hits you. You just need some time to move on.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by joey11223

Usually about three weeks but there were times when we wouldn't see each other for eight weeks at a time so I guess it makes sense that it didn't really hit home for a while. Thanks :smile:

Reply 4

emcero

I also broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. I know exactly how you feel. Did you break up with him?
I don't really know what to say to help you, because I don't even know what to tell myself to help myself. I think if you need to cry about it, then you should as holding these things in is never healthy. It's good that you're trying to get back out there on the dating scene, but perhaps it's too soon after such a long relationship. Perhaps you just need to take some time for yourself?

I personally know that I can't even look at another guy, but thats because my ex dumped me and I'm still desperately in love with him (which makes me feel utterly pathetic lol). The best thing you could do in my opinion is just to take sometime for yourself, see lots of friends and then reassess how you feel in a few weeks. Once you've worked out how you feel and you still feel the same way in a while then maybe you can talk to your ex? I hope things get better for you soon x

Reply 5

chestnuts

I felt like this after my break up. I understood it as my mind looking after me, releasing my pain to me in little bits at a time, so that I'd come to terms with it gradually, so that I'd never have more than I can deal with. There were cycles - I'd feel recovered, I'd feel pain, and then I'd feel recovered again. I'm still doing this. I think that once I've dealt with everything, the pain will finally stop. I hope so anyway!

Is this normal?

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