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Strangest things a teacher's said to YOU? Version 2.0

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Original post by PinkyPurply
My French teacher asked me if I was tired in French.
I said I was just late.


I see what you did there.
"Remember, kids, maths is like cocaine. Sniff it, don't inject it." :perv:

:zomg::nooo: Followed by the longest silence
our form tutor saw some girls putting hand lotion on, and then he told them to 'stop creaming themselves up', considering I have never heard anything remotely inappropriate out of his mouth, it was quite a shock, hilarious none the less :P
Reply 443
any more?
Reply 444
the one the only Annie Mac.
Reply 445
my french teacher was looking through a school dictionary with drawn pictures of penises on it. She said "why are the drawings always small". If you think this was out of order its nothing compared to what I regretfully said next. "why? do you like them big miss?" I got a weeks detention. lol
Reply 446
I was having a cover lesson in the library, and i saw Ryan Giggs' autobiography, i said 'who'd read that?', a girl sitting next to me said 'who's Ryan Giggs?' and the librarian said, 'a man who can keep his dick in his pants' :smile:
Reply 447
Original post by 08rbut
I was having a cover lesson in the library, and i saw Ryan Giggs' autobiography, i said 'who'd read that?', a girl sitting next to me said 'who's Ryan Giggs?' and the librarian said, 'a man who can keep his dick in his pants' :smile:


lol
Reply 448
"To be honest class, I never went through puberty."

"I hope your texting down there, because no-one should ever look at their own crotch and smile so much."

"If you live in the desert too long the heat starts getting to your head, and you end up getting in a jeep and shooting each other."

"I'd like to give you all high marks but you're all scrotes so...."
This wasn't to me, but a teacher once said to a girl "If you don't stop that then I'll finger you!" (he meant in a "put my finger up and wiggle it" kind of way, if you get what I mean :lol:)
The same teacher also used to hit a pen on a table to make us stop talking when we got loud. Once he did it and no one took any notice, so he yelled "I don't bang the table for my own amusement!" That was pretty funny. :smile:
Oh and same guy, he was talking about a biscuit eating competition, and he just said "Lubrication is the key" and that was enough to set us all off...
I always had trouble spelling quantitative in psychology, so I spelt it quantititive, and my teacher said 'one too many tit's in that.'
Reply 451
I had a biology teacher talk to us for 30 minutes about different types of alcohol and what has the best taste... whilst constantly reassuring us he wasn't an alcoholic....


On the other hand one teacher had such flamboyant hand gestures whilst teaching that he smacked my friend in the face and didn't apologise.

Oh and:

"If you're looking at your crotch and smiling, I don't want to know what you're doing."

Edit (me remembering more):
My friend was bored in art class and mimicked the action of oral sex, at which point the art teacher turned around (who is the most gruesome whale in existence)....

We were talking about hard and soft water in Chemistry and the teacher couldn't stop making jokes about his dick :P It was hilarious
(edited 11 years ago)
We once had to have a class on internet safety, so our ICT teacher had to tell us about the dangers of creepy men on chat rooms, and the like. For some reason it got into a conversation about porn:

Teacher: Yes, well, I never got why so many people watch porn on their phones. Porn on mobile phones is much poorer quality than porn on the internet...

(Awkward silence. Looks of utter disbelief, smirks, etc.)

Teacher (realising what he'd just said): ...So I've been told.

He never got over that, bless him :tongue:
Reply 453
My french teacher spelling stripey as strippy.

To this day I have never laughed so hard. She never understood :colondollar:


Some more gems:

You’ll have to wait I’m off to Sainsbury’s

Hey gays.
Us: Did you just call us gay?!

IN MY PAST LIFE....I worked with cows

Tutor called Shaun:
Sean? Seen? I’m not called Seen! –mishear- SHEEN? Haha. You’re Mr Sheen?!!

So what does this mean?
I don’t know...if I knew I would have put it on there.
(edited 11 years ago)
Another one (for all of you who did Of Mice and Men at GCSE :biggrin:)

My teacher took great interest in Curley and his glove full of vaseline, and the fact that he did so to keep his hand soft for his wife :sexface:

Anyway, someone stated the obvious:

Pupil: But sir, that's gross!

Teacher: I don't know. How would you like it if I came into class with a glove full of vaseline?

God, I miss English :tongue:
Reply 455
my spanish teacher "lets have a bit of news?"
My old French teacher used to act out her translations. Some of her imitations were amazing, especially 'un cheval' - she's got quite a knack for galloping.
Reply 457
after finishing a mock exam in biology, my teacher told me to write my phone number on my paper so he could 'ring or text me to tell me how i did'. I didn't write my number on there, and my paper was never marked.
Original post by Contrad!ction.
My old French teacher used to act out her translations. Some of her imitations were amazing, especially 'un cheval' - she's got quite a knack for galloping.


I was getting so frustrated at the stupidity in the video in your sig until I saw the date posted :tongue:
Original post by hassi94
I was getting so frustrated at the stupidity in the video in your sig until I saw the date posted :tongue:

:sexface:

Haha, Vi Hart wouldn't be stupid enough to actually claim those things were true :laugh:

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