how many dates before you should discuss exclusivity?

Hi,

I was just wondering what you guys think about dating. If youve been dating someone how many dates should you go on before you discuss the idea of exclusivity?

And how do you know when dating has turned into a relatonship?

And should sexual activity come before or after you are exclusive?

thanks :smile:

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Reply 1

lilywolf

We had about 6 dates before we discussed it andhad sexual activity before we were 'exclusive'. I guess you just know when it's progressed. For me it was when he'd introduced me to a large number of his friends, we were seeing each other regularly and just incredibly comfortable in each others company. When he started referring to me as his 'girlfriend' it was a sign things had changed :-p.

anyone else?

Depends on the person, but I don't 'date around' anyway, I prefer to see one person at a time, but that's just me.

Reply 4

Kattt_452

Two for us :p:

Basically because right off that bat neither of wanted to see anyone else. Definitely varies from person to person though!

Reply 5

jazzykinks

It really depends on the other person. I like commitment but some people I've dated don't. With my current boyfriend, it was 4 months of seeing each other at least twice a week before we committed! With others, it's been a handful of dates, nothing more. As for sex, that usually happens before becoming exclusive. Sex is really important for me, so if they're not up to scratch I probably wouldn't go exclusive with them!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by jazzykinks

ive been seeing this guy and hes quite a bit older but im a virgin and he doesnt know yet :s

Reply 7

LavenderBlueSky88

It truly depends on the person. For my ex it was about 3/4 weeks after we started 'seeing' each other...but for other guys I've been out with it has been a lot sooner. Some guys get funny about it though, I was dating a guy earlier this year and after our SECOND date he told me we should stop seeing each other as he didn't want a relationship, even though we were waay off that stage...talk about jumping the gun!

Reply 8

jazzykinks

Original post by Anonymous

ive been seeing this guy and hes quite a bit older but im a virgin and he doesnt know yet :s

Age is just a number -- what matters is that you have a connection and you both have feelings for each other. He'll probably appreciate the fact that you're a virgin too!

Reply 9

ForKicks

No figure really. I don't believe there is any timeline other than what feels right.

If you must know though, mine have generally hovered around the 6 mark.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

as i am completely inexperienced, I get quite confused by all this. I would want to leave sex until I was in a comfortable boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for a while, but it seems that sex happens before people even have that discussion :s-smilie:

or am i getting it wrong?

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

or am i getting it wrong?

Exactly the same position here. Tbh i'm scared of sex altogether.

Reply 12

alawhisp

Original post by Anonymous

or am i getting it wrong?

Original post by Anonymous

Exactly the same position here. Tbh i'm scared of sex altogether.

Depends on your age. In your mid-20s and onwards, sex during the dating stage, before official relationshipness, is pretty standard. Mainly because people start looking for something more serious, and they want to know whether or not you're worth the commitment - figuring out your sexual compatibility is a part of that. Before that age, you can get into a relationship first without much trouble. No need to be scared or worried about it, these things progress naturally if you're ready for them.

Reply 13

Anonymous #3

Original post by alawhisp

Don't think there's anything that comes more unnaturally to me than physical intimacy.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Don't think there's anything that comes more unnaturally to me than physical intimacy.

i would have to agree.

but why is tsr saying your anionymous poster number 1 when im number 1 lol

Reply 15

Above.The.Empyrean

I'm not sure. Damiam Dame isn't my esteemed or generic artist, thus, I'd have to wait a couple of nights.

Reply 16

alawhisp

Original post by Anonymous

Don't think there's anything that comes more unnaturally to me than physical intimacy.

Original post by Anonymous

i would have to agree.

Why? Do either of you have some sort of sexual trauma that has occurred in your past? Or is it just nerves, insecurity and so on? I don't know whether either of you have been in a situation where physical intimacy could naturally occur as something that flowed on from where you were at - i.e. snuggling with a partner, kissing or whatever.

Might be worth getting some psycho-sexual therapy if you're really that worried about it. Large amounts of tension/fear can be soothed by a supportive and understanding partner though, so don't rush anything just to get it out of the way - I doubt it'd help much. Baby steps with a good guy is the way forward :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Original post by alawhisp

Nerves and insecurity i guess. And i am a guy so it's even worse for me.

I've been in the position quite a few time but i just cant get past cuddling/snuggling. It's like there's actually a mental barrier stopping me from going further. I convince myself that they'd freak out or something.

Reply 18

Clez

it rele depends how much u like the other person and how much they seem to like you and what the general chemistry is like between you. For me it was like 4-5 days and that was coz i was/still am totally infatuated with her, but if if youre not sure its better to be sure than get into something you cant get out of

Reply 19

Aconcernedparent

Seems like people on here move pretty fast! OP if you're a virgin and you want your first time to be 'special' and all of that, I can see wh you want to 'secure' things. But you should know that a lot of guys are not exactly keen on exchanging commitment for sex before they even know if you're sexually compatible.

Personally, I have to really like a guy and know that he likes me before we go to bed together. But after that, it's just about waiting and see how intimate you get. I don't date usually date multiple people at the time. I can go on a date with a guy while I'm seeing someone else, but I don't sleep with multiple people at a time. You need to take this a bit by feeling and cannot always play by 'rules'. There are other things which are far more important than how many dates - such as how intimate and close are you, are you compatible both personally and sexually, do you open up to him and does he know the real you. By that I mean, if you were to discuss exclusivity, does he know what he's getting into and what kind of girlfriend he can expect you to be?
Also make sure that if you have had minor arguments or disputes, that you let a couple of weeks pass before you can expect him to bring it up. Things have to be smooth-sailing for some time before you can consider being a couple. Don't expect to make up after an argument and discuss commitment the next day.
I'm in this sort of situation myself with a guy. But for me it depends a bit whether he'll find a job in town or not. The practical things are just as important (if you, like me, are not interested in long distance).