Confused by "friend zone"

I read a lot of threads in the relationship forum and a many threads are people discussing the friend zone. I've seen a lot of claims that whether you are romantically interested in people is something you decide very shortly after meeting them and once you are form a friendly relationship romantic attractions will not occur. Is this really the common attitude? Is this more the case with females putting people in friendzones rather than males (a lot of the threads are about males avoiding females friendzones)?

I find the whole idea fairly odd, while it is very rare for me to feel any kind of attraction towards people (mainly due to supressing it for so long) when I do get romanically attracted to people it is only after knowing them for a long time and being comfortable friends with them. I just can't see how you could see someone and decide they are a possible partner within the first few weeks of knowing them. Is the way I feel really that unusual or are there other people with similar views?

Reply 1

Lucia.

When people talk about the friend zone, they are referring to sexual attraction and chemistry. If you feel you are sexually attracted to someone then they are always, at least in the back of your mind, seen to have future potential. If not, then they are always going to be a friend.

So friend-zoning isn't what you think. In your situation, you found the woman sexually attractive so there was potential for you to get emotionally attracted to her later on.

Friend-zone can also refer to a situation where two people have some kind of mutual attraction but they don't move fast enough and then the opportunity is gone to form a more intimate relationship.

Friend-zone is also a phrase used by whiny guys who can't get women and claim that it's because they've been friend-zoned by them.

I think there is potential to go from friendship to romance but it's a lot harder. There's not a lot of opportunity for growth in a romantic context when you already know someone inside-out.

Reply 2

Aoide

Ok that clears it up a bit. I guess it seems odd to me because I don't really get sexual attraction without romantic attraction first.

Reply 3

Lucia.

Original post by Aoide

Ok that clears it up a bit. I guess it seems odd to me because I don't really get sexual attraction without romantic attraction first.

Yeah that's fine. People work in different ways. :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Aoide

When I do get romanically attracted to people it is only after knowing them for a long time and being comfortable friends with them. I just can't see how you could see someone and decide they are a possible partner within the first few weeks of knowing them.

I think this is the case for most people. It is difficult to assess someone's relationship potential until you have got to know them beforehand. However, this is where most guys go wrong- if you like a girl, your immediate reaction is to be friendly towards her and this often leads to you entering the so-called 'friendzone'.

How to avoid the 'friendzone':
1. If a girl seems interesting to you, make a move at the earliest opportunity. That way you've made it clear that you may be attracted to her and can start the 'friendly' stuff afterwards.

2. Take is slowly. When you see her, acknowledge her and try to act flirty but don't spend too much time with her. From a distance take note of what she's like and if you can see yourselves being together. When you feel you've got to know her a bit better then make a move.

Reply 5

deathhead

This video and this guy in general will help a lot, I seriously advise everyone to watch his videos he has helped me so much: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umY4lk_HT_g ...i have the top comment here :biggrin:

Reply 6

pinkangelgirl

Original post by Lucia.

this.

except i disagree with the last bit. I think its easier to go to a relationship from a friendship when you already know the person :smile:

Reply 7

Classical Liberal

Original post by Aoide

Ok that clears it up a bit. I guess it seems odd to me because I don't really get sexual attraction without romantic attraction first.

Yes you do.

You never just seen a guy and thought "fuark, he looks hot"

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8

Aoide

You never just seen a guy and thought "fuark, he looks hot"

That doesn't really suprise me since i'm male but anyway...

Noticing someone is attractive and being sexualy attracted to them aren't the same thing. I can see a female and think "hmm she is hot" but that's just an observation without any kind of emtional response. It's not really sexual attraction until I want to act on it. I've found this only comes after being romatically attracted to them.

Reply 9

Classical Liberal

Original post by Aoide

Noticing someone is attractive and being sexualy attracted to them aren't the same thing.

So you have looked at somewhat and thought

"Fuark"

And how often does this happen. Everytime you see a pretty girl. Don't kid yourself mate, sexual attraction comes way before romance. Romance can happen pretty dammed quick, but sexual attraction can be almost instantaneous.

Reply 10

Aoide

I have seen people and though they were attractive but that doesn't cause any kind of response. Unless i'm romantically attracted it's nothing more than a passing though. I also can become sexualy attracted to people who I originally didn't find attractive once I become romantically attracted to them.