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i dont allow myself to feel emotion

So basically, almost a year ago I was dumped from a long term relationship- i found out hed cheated on numerous occasions when we were together. (a 4 year relationship). Im 22.

I didnt give up on guys, I thought there would still be nice ones. I made several more guy mates. Every single one of them has either cheated/their mates have all cheated on their girlfriends. And this doesnt just run for guys- but the majority of my female friends have cheated on their boyfriends too. These are long term relationships where there other half's trust them.

I truly believe there are very few people out there who can be trusted. And I have been let down my entire life by almost everyone- family, friends, boyfriends and so on.

So after all this, I gave up all emotion in relation to 'romantic relationships'- I completely supressed it. Or at least try to. I started being a bitch to guys- not caring what they think about me. But the daft thing is I still have feelings. there is a guy i like at the moment, but I refuse to allow myself any emotion towards him. I dont get jealous or hurt about the things he does/the girls he sees. I dont worry about things.

I used to completely wear my heart on my sleeve, id fall quick and I cared. Now i couldnt care less at all. Im just sleeping with guys with no emotion and no feelings- so that when they leave i dont have to get hurt.

Does anyone else have this?

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Reply 1

Rachle

I know where your coming from you got hurt and the people around you aren't the best. It's perfectly normal and I'm sorta in the same boat so your not alone. Sometimes we need to take a break from everything and think with our heads not our hearts :smile:

.

On a brighter note.... There will be someone out there who is gonna be perfect for you. And who will be worth your time because they will cherish you unconditionally.
Forget about the ex if he cheated then he clearly wasn't worth your tears and the one guy that is wont make you cry

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Reply 2

Anonymous #1

glad im not the only 1 :frown:

Reply 3

Rachle

Hey don't let yourself get down oki :smile:

chin up if you want to you can add me or pm me if you ever want to talk about anything. :smile:

sometimes it can just help to have a stranger listen :smile:

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Reply 4

Daniel_R

Ive gotten hurt so many times emotionally in every way imaginable, I know exactly where your coming from. I think its a kinder defensive mechanism to stop us getting hurt more and it takes time to go, only time can fix it. Goodluck :smile:

You end up stronger each time and more and more immune to being hurt so bad.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 5

Kaykee93

I used to do this. I decided that I just wanted fling's and nothing exclusive and relationshippy - that way, no one would be able to hurt me.
After over a year like this I met a guy that I actually wanted to try a relationship with, and so far, it's going great :smile:

Reply 6

Terence_A.

I was in a long term relationship and never cheated, and I'm only just younger than you. So, contrary to what I read every day in the papers ect. there are definatly couples who never cheat, even at the end. I don't want to read too much into your post, but perhaps you should find less, errrrr - sleazy? freinds. I'm a little bored with the blaze asumption that fidelity is somehow an impossibility, and indeed, idealistic. What happend to the love eh? lol. I do feel bad about how people become cold and jaded over bad experiences, but don't let it spoil the magic. If you never cheated yourself, well done! If I believed all that I hear, it's a real achievement and it absolutly makes your a more attractive person. If you invested a lot into this relationship and feel betrayed, don't let that impact of your judgment of future partners. . . there is such thing a a faithful man, I'm certain of it!

Good luck! lol.

Reply 7

Cressida

If someone cheats on you, it doesn't always mean that they do not love you. I have never cheated and I would prefer my partner not to however it (for me) is not the be all and end all. Talk and either part ways or work through it. I think deep down though, the reason I have no objection to it is because like you I have abdicated feelings and almost set myself up for failure with every guy. I always expect the worse and in return I always get better. I guess it's about perspective. I feel really happy, content and satisfied but maybe I'm delusional.

Reply 8

Aoide

Been doing the same for about 3 years now and while many people may disagree i'm glad and will continue to do it. I find that i'm all or nothing with emotions and I'd rather feel no love. I'm not intentionally horrible to others about it but I do focus on myself and no one else. I find over time it gets easier to suppress emotions- after 3 years I rarely have to put any effort into it and i'm starting to forget how it feels like not to be like this.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Aoide

is there any reason why your being like this? a past hurt?

Reply 10

Aoide

Not so much negative past experiences as my bad expectations for the future. I believe the main cause is because I know that love doesn't and will not last. Falling in love only means I have something to lose.

Reply 11

Lucia.

Original post by Aoide

I believe the main cause is because I know that love doesn't and will not last. Falling in love only means I have something to lose.

Not necessarily. You just have to find the right person. Real love doesn't involve negation of self.

Reply 12

Rachle

Original post by Aoide

Just because that is the case doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have a deeper connection with someone,

Love is special and not hard to find but it is there and one day you might come across someone who will love you so much they will do anything for you, don't lose faith in love because not everyone is going to break your heart

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Reply 13

Aoide

It isn't just them leaving/being betray that I want to avoid. I know that eventually (maybe many years away) something will happen and it will end, no matter how much we care about each other everything has to end. I can't let myself go into a relationship knowing that i'm going to deal with losing them.

Reply 14

Rachle

Original post by Aoide

It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all

Things ending is tough but at least you can say you gave it a shot tried and found love even if it wasn't forever

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Reply 15

Aoide

It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all

This is where we disagree :wink:

Supressing love hurts at first but after a while you forget what its like and so you can't miss it anymore. I normal find it impossible to form any kind of emotional connection to people, the only exception being when I start to have romatic feelings. I'm bad at moderating those emotions so I love them completely from the start- as well as being an awful way to start a relationship this is usally damaging to my own life.

Reply 16

waqarjamil

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

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Reply 17

Lucia.

Remember not to focus on externalities so much. Don't say "These people have wronged me and I need to change myself to fit in". Say "What's going on in my mind that I end up in these situations".

Get to the root of the problem. Start on yourself. Start feeling. Start practising the art of "letting go" and allowing yourself to be vulnerable around others.

I can see myself in what you wrote. I wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. I've historically been quite trusting of people but I'm not as much now because of experiencing abusive relationships. I've had to channel in self-respect but the biggest challenge has been learning to trust myself. You might have to do that too. It's trusting yourself that allows you to show vulnerability around other people. When you trust yourself you don't have to put on a front with people. I'm still working on which shows how hard this is to master!

The first action you should take is to get out of your cycle of self-destructive behaviour - the meaningless ONS you're having with guys to avoid dealing with the reality of your emotions. I've been there as well. It only takes one decision to change a habit. One of my friends told me "life is a series of decisions" and he was a right. It's the courage of facing up to it and forcing yourself to make those decisions - that's what you have to do.

You need to learn how to be vulnerable before you can love again. Try not to force it and give yourself time to heal.

Reply 18

Tel8

I hope you don't take this too personally, but this seems very childish to me.

It's basically saying: If I can't be happy or at least not sad with other people, then I don't want them (in the form of emotional relationships) at all.

The truth is, life is full of hurts and let downs, if not love then other things, but it's can also be full of beautiful things that are so worth having - even if they don't last forever. Part of leaving behind a childish way of thinking is to understand that you can't always be happy, or keep the things you enjoy, and that is in fact what makes those times when you are and you can so much sweeter. I'm sure you'll do as you choose, but it's really sad to disassociate yourself from your own feelings that way because the relationship that could truly enrich your life could be right there and you'd never see it. People are part of your life for good or ill, you don't get to choose which, but it's much easier to deal with if you think: no matter how long or how good this relationship is, it's just one of the many experiences in my life that give it fullness and depth. Your relationships are part of what ultimately defines the vividness of your life.

Reply 19

Aoide

It may be a trait typicaly found in children but that doesn't make it incorrect or less rational. If the mature view point is to just accept that life hurts and not attempt to stop it then I would rather take the childlike aproach and minimise pain. The pain caused by feeling love is worse for me than the pleasure gained from it so why would I choose to feel it- letting yourself feel uneccessary pain is poitless.

If I can't be not sad with other people, then I don't want them (in the form of emotional relationships) at all.