Loss of confidence..

alright folks..to clarify I'm a happy person most of the time but recently ( last month or two) my confidence just seems to have left me and i'm just not enjoying myself like I used to.

Basically a close friend of mine has changed, developed an ego, thinking they're better than me. That person will use any opportunity to slate my appearance in order to boost their self esteem and it's getting to me now. I hate to sound cocky but I am a better looking and generally more likeable. Even around girls I'm feeling uncomfortable now as I know he's watching my every move, waiting for me to mess up. And when I do, his smug face will be the first I see.. seems to take pleasure from it. It's playing on my mind a hell of a lot. He's being a lot more successful on the women front these days, which is good, i'm happy for him that way, but his attitude towards me just seems to have drained my self esteem/confidence and worked in his favour. I'm not a jealous person but after re-reading what i have written it sure sounds like it.

I'm not sure how to get my confidence back, and in general feel crap at the min.. any suggestions on how to get out of this shltty spot I find myself in? Thanks

Reply 1

TruetoMyself

Either stop spending as much time with this 'friend' or stop spending any time at all with him. I suspect that the former is more likely. But do, do this...regardless of whether you have a limited number number of other friends. Oh yeah and positive affirmations seem to have helped masses of people to boost their confidence,

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by TruetoMyself

Yea i have plenty of other friends, but I would just feel guilty if I started leaving him out. Not in my nature to be like that. It's not just me that has noticed this change in him. Others have and they don't like it. The fact that he uses me to boost himself and subsequently put me down just is demoralising. And yea I went out the other night, and he wasn't there and I felt so much more at ease. I'm going have to man up ta feck, and just play him at his own game although I won't enjoy having a jibe at him like he does to me. When you say the former is more likely, what do ya mean?

Reply 3

Former

^ I think he simply means that you're more likely to spend less time with this dude than to cut him out altogether.

This friend of yours sounds pretty horrible. Worst of all, what he's doing is proving effective. I wouldn't resort to giving him a taste of his own medicine, however tempting, for it would make you no better than he is. I recognise this probably isn't the done thing for you men, but you could try taking this guy to one side and say that as much as you appreciate his new-found confidence, him putting you down is just not cool... Alternatively, if practical, carry on going out without him (harsh but necessary) and, chances are, he'll ask why you haven't seen each other as much recently. I imagine breaking it to him that way may be the easier option, actually. If it turns out he doesn't even go as far as to approach you, forget about him altogether. It could just be a phase, but you don't need to put up with his antics for the time being. Besides, you have other friends, and just remember that it's his problem, not yours.

Sorry to ask, but you haven't ever treated him like this in the past, have you?

Also, out of curiosity, why is it that you would feel guilty for leaving him out and not for "playing him at his own game"?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Former

I get ya. Easier said that done confronting someone about it. I'll give it time for now. And no I haven't treated him like that in the past at all. Not in my nature to put people down!

Would feel guilty as this person he now is, has developed over the last month or two, and the old him was way better craic, fun to be round, down to earth.

god i feel like such a bltch lol. maybe i am jealous, i don't know.

Reply 5

Former

Are you (Northern) Irish? :biggrin:

If it's not in your nature to put people down, then don't stoop to his level! Heh, simple as that. I bet insecurity is at the root of his ego, too.

You sound like a good guy and concerned rather than jealous... You could well be a little resentful of the female attention he's receiving, thinking that he doesn't deserve it, but not in a malicious sort of way - don't let it get to you. Hopefully he'll see the error of his ways sooner or later. All the best!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

haha you got it in one, i am indeed from the north! lol

I think you hit the nail on the head there. Insecurity at the root. Guess i just needed an outsiders view on this. Not going to let it bother me from now on. Time to man up! Cheers :smile:

Reply 7

Former

I stand by my advice, though you might want further opinions before taking action. Glad I could be of some help!

From one Northerner to another: no sweat. :tongue: