Would you ever date a girl that cheated on her old boyfriend?

The idea of consciousness between rape and cheating.

Yes, there are transgressions, but cheating whilst drunk isn't exactly forgivable either.

I wasn't trying to compare cheating to rape lol. But still, I think it's a good point.

If we are to use your logic, we should respect someone who raped someone just the guy was in a bad mood and wanted to vent it by raping someone. I mean, it was just a "silly mistake", right? Surely, the rapist could have changed after his time in prison and so, everyone should treat him normally? And in fact, if you happen to know the guy, you would let him pick up your daughter (hypothetically) from a nightclub and bring her home?

It doesn't matter what the circumstance. It usually boils down to a problem in the relationship or s/he being attracted to someone else. The person should have the respect to be able to try and work with his/her partner to make the relationship work or at least break up with him/her before getting with someone else rather than doing it behind their back. The fact is that s/he makes a conscious decision to cheat when s/he doesn't have to just like a rapist made a conscious decision to rape someone.

And the fact that s/he has a history of cheating (especially if it's recently) shows that we have to be very careful about getting into a relationship with her. Just like people would be very careful about interacting with a rapist because even though he might have changed after prison, the risk with him is still much greater than someone who hasn't been convicted of rape (yet). That's the point of the rapist analogy.

The job application analogy is also good as well. An employer will employ someone with a better history that shows s/he's perfect for the job over someone with an inferior history. That doesn't mean that the person with the inferior history/experience can't do the job. But the person with the better experience is more trustworthy.

Likewise, I'm not saying "once a cheat, always a cheat". But at the same time, it's a lot riskier to get into a relationship with someone that has a history of cheating compared to someone that hasn't cheated (yet).

?????

So if someone made a conscious decision to lie when they were 12, then should you consider them a liar for life?

Conscious decisions are forgiveable too you know....

?????

So if someone made a conscious decision to lie when they were 12, then should you consider them a liar for life?

Conscious decisions are forgiveable too you know....

Let me repeat myself

How in the world can something like KISSING SOMEONE ELSE be comparable to a VIOLENT CRIME?

Lying is a normal part of social interaction. Lying is very normal and occurs on a daily basis.

Equally, you can't compare your lying situation to cheating as with rape.

All involve conscious decision making but can't really be compared.


With your stand point of case by case viewing of cheating. Could you give me of an example where you would forgive and date said cheater as their 'excuse' was deemed passable by you personally.

I agre with you.

Lying isn't as bad as cheating.

Likewise cheating isn't as bad as rape

Likewise there are various degrees of cheating.

I would be much more likely to forgive someone for say, kissing than sex.

Likewise I've got a friend who forgave his gf for kissing another guy. They're in a long distance relationship and hadn't seen each other for a while. That's quite "forgivable" in my estimation. BUT of course it is up to the individual, I wouldn't fault them for not forgiving them

It's not directly comparable.

But the logic is very clear. Let me outline it for you.

P1. Woman cheats on man by snogging someone in a nightclub because she has some bad problems in the relationship.

P2. Dgeorge says that since the cheating is relatively small and it was just a silly mistake, the person shouldn't be completely outruled for a relationship.

P3. Man rapes woman because he's in a bad mood and wants to vent it out by overpowering the would-be victim.

C. Rapist shouldn't be treated differently from others as it was just "silly mistake" (lol) or a one-off and should be trusted to pick up girls from nightclubs and bring them home? Or he should be trusted in a relationship or casual sex to not rape again?

That doesn't mean I'm saying that cheating is as "bad" as rape. But as you see above, the logic in the rape analogy is not flawed. And as you would know, the reason no-one would trust a rapist is because he has a history of committing rape. That doesn't mean he should be completely alienated or outruled from society just because of a one-time offence. Why? Because the rapist might have regretted his decision while he was in prison and may have changed for the better. But it doesn't stop society looking down on him for the rest of his life. Likewise, I wouldn't trust someone with a history of cheating. That doesn't mean that s/he would cheat on anyone again. But the risk is surely higher?

I repeat: I'm not directly comparing cheating to rape. But I'm comparing the logic of being open to someone with a history of cheating to being open to someone with a history of rape. Whatever angle you look at it, the logic comparison is sound.

Of course, since cheating is less severe than rape, people may decide to give a cheater a chance in a relationship. But I don't think it's wise to take the chance since the risk is greater that the person would cheat compared to someone who hasn't cheated yet.

Rapist shouldn't be treated differently from others as it was just "silly mistake" (lol) or a one-off and should be trusted to pick up girls from nightclubs and bring them home? Or he should be trusted in a relationship or casual sex to not rape again?

I'm simply saying WEIGH IT ON THE INDIVIDUAL as opposed to making a simpistic naive statement.

I'm in an LDR and my girlfriend would kill me if I kissed someone


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Rape is far, far, FAR worse than snogging someone in a nightclub.

Likewise, snogging someone is less severe than say having sex.

It's about the severity of the transgression, ALONG WITH other factors.

I agre with you.

Lying isn't as bad as cheating.

Likewise cheating isn't as bad as rape

Likewise there are various degrees of cheating.

I would be much more likely to forgive someone for say, kissing than sex.

Likewise I've got a friend who forgave his gf for kissing another guy. They're in a long distance relationship and hadn't seen each other for a while. That's quite "forgivable" in my estimation. BUT of course it is up to the individual, I wouldn't fault them for not forgiving them

Mine might too......

But doesn't mean I'd do the same

So in this situation, she kissed another guy because of distance. But the issue of distance in this case, assuming that they're still in a LDR, hasn't changed. So the circumstances are still the same.

Hmmm, personally in that situation I would have ended it seeing as the issue which caused her to cheat can't be fixed. The temptations and distance are still there. Yes she might regret what she did, but there's no certainty.
Basically what I'm getting at is once the trust has been broken, how does one repair it when the same circumstances continue?


But in terms of the actual thread, still, I wouldn't be able to trust her to start dating. Yes she may regret it, and the circumstances may have changed, e.g it will not be a LDR, but surely it would play on your mind as soon as some distance comes between you for any reason that the circumstances that she cheated in have been replicated, and there's no telling whether she then cheat again...

So in this situation, she kissed another guy because of distance

Yes she might regret what she did, but there's no certainty

That was one of the reasons, there were other reasons.



There's never any certainty. She hadn't cheated on him BEFORE. You can't be certain either way

However, you point is taken that after cheating there is a seed of doubt placed in your mind

Also I've come up with another analogy.
Say you looking to buy an second hand xbox 360. You get 2 good offers, however, 1 has 'red ringed' once in the past but hasn't since then, the other one has never 'red ringed'.
There's no certainty that either will not get the 'red ring of death' in the future, but surely you'd be more inclined to get the second one which hasn't just for extra precaution?

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Ok, you know what?

I agree that the severity of the cheating should be taken into consideration depending on how tolerant the person is of cheating and how long ago the cheating happened.

But I'm not very tolerant of cheating and I'm just giving my opinion that I would dismiss anyone with a history of cheating, unless the cheating happened a really long time ago.

Of course, you're entitled to your opinion.

Do you mind saying the other reasons? It'll help to get a better picture.

No, there never is any certainty, only trust. But trust doesn't stop someone from cheating.

That's true. But wouldn't this seed of doubt still be there regardless of whether you were the person who was cheated on or a new suitor?

Also I've come up with another analogy.
Say you looking to buy an second hand xbox 360. You get 2 good offers, however, 1 has 'red ringed' once in the past but hasn't since then, the other one has never 'red ringed'.
There's no certainty that either will not get the 'red ring of death' in the future, but surely you'd be more inclined to get the second one which hasn't just for extra precaution?

Do you mind saying the other reasons?

Say you looking to buy an second hand xbox 360.