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My brother is 30 years old, still lives at home, unemployed, with no motivation!!
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Original post by Anonymous
So my brother is 30 years old, still lives at home, he's unemployed, and no motivation to find work.
He just has no motivation to do anything. I can't see him doing anything with his life at this point. He has a degree in bio-chemical science (I think it's called), but he tried looking for work when he was younger, but was unfortunate. He says he's looking for work, but he hasn't been for a single interview. And he just doesn't leave the house at all! He will sit in his room reading, coming out for food, then he will go on the computer for a little while, then watch t.v. then go back to his room. And if we have guests or family around, he will hide away in his bedroom and not come downstairs to say hello.
What advice can you give? I think my mum is losing her patience with him, and I'm getting frustrated because I seem to be the only 1 providing financial assistance to my parents. And my other brother (who's 27) has been unemployed, but he's found work now so he's helping out a little with bills too.
your opinions on my eldest brother? I am 23, but my eldest bro is 30 and should be setting an example, but instead I'm the one having to help out the family.
He just has no motivation to do anything. I can't see him doing anything with his life at this point. He has a degree in bio-chemical science (I think it's called), but he tried looking for work when he was younger, but was unfortunate. He says he's looking for work, but he hasn't been for a single interview. And he just doesn't leave the house at all! He will sit in his room reading, coming out for food, then he will go on the computer for a little while, then watch t.v. then go back to his room. And if we have guests or family around, he will hide away in his bedroom and not come downstairs to say hello.
What advice can you give? I think my mum is losing her patience with him, and I'm getting frustrated because I seem to be the only 1 providing financial assistance to my parents. And my other brother (who's 27) has been unemployed, but he's found work now so he's helping out a little with bills too.
your opinions on my eldest brother? I am 23, but my eldest bro is 30 and should be setting an example, but instead I'm the one having to help out the family.
For someone to have gone from getting a biochemical degree to being 30 and not working, something must have happened. This hiding away in his room things sounds as if he is depressed. Have you thought about not judging him so harshly and suggesting to him/your mother that he goes to counselling? It seems like he's suffering from some sort of anxiety or depression and the situation will only alleviate when he gets help.
Secondly (speaking as a first-born), I echo a previous poster in saying that YOU ARE TWENTY-THREE. It's not like you're six and don't know any better. Cut him some slack, stop being so judgemental and realise that you have to take responsibility for your own life instead of bleating about how he 'should be setting an example.'
He has some issues, i knwo someone similar that 29 and has barely worked. im pretty sure he has depression and feels like hes not good enough to work, even though he is. this is a psychological issue and he is most likely to refuse help. small interventions with family members, or support in encouraging any signs of employment would be good. this is a common symptom for people out of work for a long-time, whether its due to welfare dependency etc. but good luck and keep me posted, because this person is yet to get out this cycle and hes been doing nothing for 2 years, so if you can find a solution, maybe i can help the person i know as well!
He needs to read Ayn Rand and perhaps visit HowToGetLaid.co
I have the same problem with my elder bro, he's 30 and am 25, he did the same bio-med course. He's lived with me for the last 1 year and I just feel fed up, I really need my freedom and privacy back. I just dont know what to do. The worst part is that my mom insists that I sponsor him for a masters degree. I dont have a problem with that but that would mean hosting him for another 2 years while he goes to school. I know its not the right thing but I hate him so much because of that.
(edited 5 years ago)
idk how someone can hate their sibling or not realise someone is struggling
however if they don't try then thats different
never the **** mind, old thread, get out my sight
however if they don't try then thats different
never the **** mind, old thread, get out my sight
Original post by Bang Outta Order
idk how someone can hate their sibling or not realise someone is struggling
however if they don't try then thats different
never the **** mind, old thread, get out my sight
however if they don't try then thats different
never the **** mind, old thread, get out my sight
Yes, happens sometimes. Paying masters fees I dont mind, but hosting no, not for another 2 years. I've already done 1
Original post by achezzoh
Yes, happens sometimes. Paying masters fees I dont mind, but hosting no, not for another 2 years. I've already done 1
well I dont get how that can happen. it's clearly selfishness and jealousy to hate another sibling for being treated well and taken care of regardless of age. This isnt an attack either, just literally think about it. You are worried or just jealous that the money going to your sibling, wont go to you. It's pathological. And i dont mean you per se. Just anyone who "hates" their sibling for being able to live at home.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Bang Outta Order
well I dont get how that can happen. it's clearly selfishness and jealousy to hate another sibling for being treated well and taken care of regardless of age. This isnt an attack either, just literally think about it. You are worried or just jealous that the money going to your sibling, wont go to you. It's pathological. And i dont mean you per se. Just anyone who "hates" their sibling for being able to live at home.
TBH, money is the least of my problems here, neither is jealousy. The fact that I dont have my space and privacy anymore, with my girlfriend and all, is the cause of all this. I just feel I can put up with it anymore. And he stays in the house the whole day, just like is described in the original post!
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by achezzoh
TBH, money is the least of my problems here, neither is jealousy. The fact that I dont have my space and privacy anymore, with my girlfriend and all, is the cause of all this. I just feel I can put up with it anymore. And he stays in the house the whole day, just like is described in the original post!
well like I said its not about you per se. It was never about you, you quoted me. I didnt even read your post. To the ppl it applies to, it's selfishness because theyre worried the money wont go to them. Just cos its not ur situation it doesnt mean its not true.
I have social anxiety, i do the exact same thing as ur brother except im only 16. i just cant help it and im sure you're brother cant. But luckily my mind is money focused and i still manage to have a higher pay than most 18 year olds. I just think you need to find him work at home on his computer, its what i do and i enjoy it, and if he likes the computer... im sure he might do too.
Well you could sign him up for the Marines, it worked with my brother, although the was considerably younger (18) but he left school at 16 and refused to do anything... it worked and he loves it
I hope he is not still in the same position 
Original post by NathanRycroft
I have social anxiety, i do the exact same thing as ur brother except im only 16. i just cant help it and im sure you're brother cant. But luckily my mind is money focused and i still manage to have a higher pay than most 18 year olds. I just think you need to find him work at home on his computer, its what i do and i enjoy it, and if he likes the computer... im sure he might do too.
He's never been really into computers, though I have very fast internet in the house. I cant possibly find him work on the computer, he's a grown man with a sane mind, he should be able to figure that out
Maybe he literally has no idea what to do to get a job.
So he has sunk into a depression and survival mode hence the computer games.
He has got a degree so he obviously is intelligent and at one point worked hard to get it.
So he needs some ideas on how to solve his problem.
My proposed solution is for him to research jobs on the career pages of the RAF, Army and Navy.
The armed forces offer all sorts of jobs in HR, Medical, IT, Engineering, Logistic's, Scientific areas etc as well as front line soldier roles.
Not many people are aware of this and so this is to your advantage.
Do not just look at roles for Degrees but other roles for A level education as he may need to choose a new role since his degree
choice has not worked for him.
He can get recognised qualifications that can also be used in Civilian life when he leaves.Good luck.
You can visit careers offices or make contact on line with an advisor.
They will explain the whole process to him.
The next advantage of choosing the armed forces is that they do not expect extensive experience for the roles on offer.
Most people are being trained from scratch.
You do not get this advantage with any other employer and it is also the lack of experience which stops people
from getting jobs.
Other points are you will have to serve for a fixed period but this guarantees work and income.
You get extensive training at great cost but also a salary whilst training with subsidised accommodation and food
and extensive sports facilities.
You will have to get fit ( they will advise how) and accept military discipline (Army is the hardest).
But you get a lot in return.
Show this to your brother and get him to get going.
With not working he will need to take steps to turn matters around.
He needs to start by joining a gym Pure is cheap, and get doing some voluntary work to show commitment.
He can do it.
It is sad to be wasting your youth away.
HOWEVER BE AWARE THAT THERE IS AN AGE LIMIT FOR JOINING AND HE IS STARTING TO GET NEAR IT.
So he must act immediately.
So he has sunk into a depression and survival mode hence the computer games.
He has got a degree so he obviously is intelligent and at one point worked hard to get it.
So he needs some ideas on how to solve his problem.
My proposed solution is for him to research jobs on the career pages of the RAF, Army and Navy.
The armed forces offer all sorts of jobs in HR, Medical, IT, Engineering, Logistic's, Scientific areas etc as well as front line soldier roles.
Not many people are aware of this and so this is to your advantage.
Do not just look at roles for Degrees but other roles for A level education as he may need to choose a new role since his degree
choice has not worked for him.
He can get recognised qualifications that can also be used in Civilian life when he leaves.Good luck.
You can visit careers offices or make contact on line with an advisor.
They will explain the whole process to him.
The next advantage of choosing the armed forces is that they do not expect extensive experience for the roles on offer.
Most people are being trained from scratch.
You do not get this advantage with any other employer and it is also the lack of experience which stops people
from getting jobs.
Other points are you will have to serve for a fixed period but this guarantees work and income.
You get extensive training at great cost but also a salary whilst training with subsidised accommodation and food
and extensive sports facilities.
You will have to get fit ( they will advise how) and accept military discipline (Army is the hardest).
But you get a lot in return.
Show this to your brother and get him to get going.
With not working he will need to take steps to turn matters around.
He needs to start by joining a gym Pure is cheap, and get doing some voluntary work to show commitment.
He can do it.
It is sad to be wasting your youth away.
HOWEVER BE AWARE THAT THERE IS AN AGE LIMIT FOR JOINING AND HE IS STARTING TO GET NEAR IT.
So he must act immediately.
Original post by LouiseRu
Maybe he literally has no idea what to do to get a job.
So he has sunk into a depression and survival mode hence the computer games.
He has got a degree so he obviously is intelligent and at one point worked hard to get it.
So he needs some ideas on how to solve his problem.
My proposed solution is for him to research jobs on the career pages of the RAF, Army and Navy.
The armed forces offer all sorts of jobs in HR, Medical, IT, Engineering, Logistic's, Scientific areas etc as well as front line soldier roles.
Not many people are aware of this and so this is to your advantage.
Do not just look at roles for Degrees but other roles for A level education as he may need to choose a new role since his degree
choice has not worked for him.
He can get recognised qualifications that can also be used in Civilian life when he leaves.Good luck.
You can visit careers offices or make contact on line with an advisor.
They will explain the whole process to him.
The next advantage of choosing the armed forces is that they do not expect extensive experience for the roles on offer.
Most people are being trained from scratch.
You do not get this advantage with any other employer and it is also the lack of experience which stops people
from getting jobs.
Other points are you will have to serve for a fixed period but this guarantees work and income.
You get extensive training at great cost but also a salary whilst training with subsidised accommodation and food
and extensive sports facilities.
You will have to get fit ( they will advise how) and accept military discipline (Army is the hardest).
But you get a lot in return.
Show this to your brother and get him to get going.
With not working he will need to take steps to turn matters around.
He needs to start by joining a gym Pure is cheap, and get doing some voluntary work to show commitment.
He can do it.
It is sad to be wasting your youth away.
HOWEVER BE AWARE THAT THERE IS AN AGE LIMIT FOR JOINING AND HE IS STARTING TO GET NEAR IT.
So he must act immediately.
So he has sunk into a depression and survival mode hence the computer games.
He has got a degree so he obviously is intelligent and at one point worked hard to get it.
So he needs some ideas on how to solve his problem.
My proposed solution is for him to research jobs on the career pages of the RAF, Army and Navy.
The armed forces offer all sorts of jobs in HR, Medical, IT, Engineering, Logistic's, Scientific areas etc as well as front line soldier roles.
Not many people are aware of this and so this is to your advantage.
Do not just look at roles for Degrees but other roles for A level education as he may need to choose a new role since his degree
choice has not worked for him.
He can get recognised qualifications that can also be used in Civilian life when he leaves.Good luck.
You can visit careers offices or make contact on line with an advisor.
They will explain the whole process to him.
The next advantage of choosing the armed forces is that they do not expect extensive experience for the roles on offer.
Most people are being trained from scratch.
You do not get this advantage with any other employer and it is also the lack of experience which stops people
from getting jobs.
Other points are you will have to serve for a fixed period but this guarantees work and income.
You get extensive training at great cost but also a salary whilst training with subsidised accommodation and food
and extensive sports facilities.
You will have to get fit ( they will advise how) and accept military discipline (Army is the hardest).
But you get a lot in return.
Show this to your brother and get him to get going.
With not working he will need to take steps to turn matters around.
He needs to start by joining a gym Pure is cheap, and get doing some voluntary work to show commitment.
He can do it.
It is sad to be wasting your youth away.
HOWEVER BE AWARE THAT THERE IS AN AGE LIMIT FOR JOINING AND HE IS STARTING TO GET NEAR IT.
So he must act immediately.
Thanks for the advise, will talk to him about this.
I am in almost the exact same situation but I am 32 I get depressed about my appearance and kind of just exist and have no will to live.
Original post by Anonymous
So my brother is 30 years old, still lives at home, he's unemployed, and no motivation to find work.
He just has no motivation to do anything. I can't see him doing anything with his life at this point. He has a degree in bio-chemical science (I think it's called), but he tried looking for work when he was younger, but was unfortunate. He says he's looking for work, but he hasn't been for a single interview. And he just doesn't leave the house at all! He will sit in his room reading, coming out for food, then he will go on the computer for a little while, then watch t.v. then go back to his room. And if we have guests or family around, he will hide away in his bedroom and not come downstairs to say hello.
What advice can you give? I think my mum is losing her patience with him, and I'm getting frustrated because I seem to be the only 1 providing financial assistance to my parents. And my other brother (who's 27) has been unemployed, but he's found work now so he's helping out a little with bills too.
your opinions on my eldest brother? I am 23, but my eldest bro is 30 and should be setting an example, but instead I'm the one having to help out the family.
He just has no motivation to do anything. I can't see him doing anything with his life at this point. He has a degree in bio-chemical science (I think it's called), but he tried looking for work when he was younger, but was unfortunate. He says he's looking for work, but he hasn't been for a single interview. And he just doesn't leave the house at all! He will sit in his room reading, coming out for food, then he will go on the computer for a little while, then watch t.v. then go back to his room. And if we have guests or family around, he will hide away in his bedroom and not come downstairs to say hello.
What advice can you give? I think my mum is losing her patience with him, and I'm getting frustrated because I seem to be the only 1 providing financial assistance to my parents. And my other brother (who's 27) has been unemployed, but he's found work now so he's helping out a little with bills too.
your opinions on my eldest brother? I am 23, but my eldest bro is 30 and should be setting an example, but instead I'm the one having to help out the family.
This is what your mum should do:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44213623
Hi! given the timeline it's been around 7years since you've posted this and its 2018 now... So How's your brother and the entire family? Reason I asked is that We have almost thr same situation.I'm now 23 y/o and undergoing training for work but I have an older brother who's now 30y/o, no job, not seeking any job, No motivation, No lovelife, in and out of graduate school (lack of commitment), failed board exams 4times even though He is considered as the intelligent one and basically has been hiding away in his room and just plays online games on his PC. Mind you we have a solo parent but earns enough to support us both... however Our Mom won't be always around for us... for him. I don't know what to do. Now he's kinda *****y towards me because he sees me busy with my employment requirements etc. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped in the first place. I feel sorry for him but at the same time I feel so frustrated, i can only imagine what my Mom goes through every time She sees her son this way. By the way, every failure and mishap my brother endures, he always blames our Mother for it even though its clear that she's not. My. Mom is closer to him than she is with me so it's hard for her to be ecstatic for my small successes because her fave child is still stuck. I don't know. I just don't know why. Perhaps depression or what not. But clearly... Our brothers and people like them are CHOOSING to waste their lives. They are smart people. Highly intelligent but they chose to be this way. Sorry to say we cannot help them if they don't help themselves first.
I’m 23 and i feel like im in the same situation as your brother I don’t have a job and spend my time mainly in my bedroom. I can tell you now I try my hardest to apply for jobs throughout my time I even did 2 courses to help with a guide to apply for jobs with work experience working in a IT workshop and in coop but every time I apply I either get no reply or told that I’m not right for the job. Your brother has most likely given up like I have in applying for jobs and is close to giving up but luckily for me my goal is still in place in completing a full level 3 course as I’m still in college as well as volunteering. I believe as long as hes doing something other then staying in your room you should allow him like I believe not everyone in life will be able to get a job as there are just to many people in the world now.
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