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Depression Society MKVI

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i know people who can just spontaneously do things and feel happy and confident, whereas i think about what im about to do and whether people will judge me for even just putting up my hand and answering a question in class.

or whenever something casual happens to me i analyse it to the extent that you wouldn't recognise it as the act that happened to me.

internally, im constantly thinking about the consequences of everything i do and everything that happens to me.

I know the feeling

Reply 2901

littleshambles

Original post by novaspire

I guess. Thanks for the kickstart. I just had another look over what i said and i cant believe im that cowardly. I need to work on that. It is what I want to do, im just slightly worried that i wont be good enough to do it. But yeah, doesnt matter if i dont try at least, i should grow up a bit :/

i didn't mean to be horrible at all. don't see it as you being cowardly or immature. you're afraid because you don't believe in your abilities and you can only see the negatives and the possible negatives. god knows we've all been there, i certainly have. it's really difficult to overcome that sense that you're just not up to scratch and everything you do is going to be ****. i was just saying that even if you can't immediately get rid of that and start appreciating your abilities (i bet these people aren't even that much better than you tbh), you can see how putting yourself out there is always going to be a better decision than not, even if you DO end up "failing". it's ok to be afraid, but acquiescing to that fear is not going to make us any happier because then we will look back and hate ourselves for not doing it.

good luck x

Reply 2902

SeaJay

Don't listen to music anymore, don't sing anymore, can't really follow books, can't sleep, never hungry, lost about a stone in the last few weeks, no motivation,

Spoiler

pushing friends away, everything I do is just a distraction, Constantly agitated, grrrrrrrrrrr,

Anyway - Have a good week everyone. Hope I will too....

Reply 2903

rmhumphries

Well done

Whats wrong?

Original post by angelbones

A bit of a Forever Alone! moment inside the spoilers.

Spoiler

Original post by FuzzySheep

Spoiler

Original post by Nut.

Not having a brilliant day (/week/month/year).

Still haven't managed to get to a lecture, screening or seminar all semester, despite first attempting to get 'back in the swing of things' over 2 weeks ago.

Beginning to think that I shouldn't really be studying for a degree. I could intercalate, but I'll only end up having similar problems next year, or in years 2 or 3, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get the funding to intercalate again. Besides, I don't want to be 26 or 27 by the time I finally finish this degree.

Not really sure what to do now. I want to drop out, but I don't want to lose the support of the university and the doctors here, and I can't go back home. Going back for the holidays is bad enough.
Won't be able to hold down a job, and wouldn't be able to get one in the current climate anyway.

Completely out of options, as far as I can see.

(This could be quite triggering: )

Spoiler

Have you been able to keep up with the work, despite missing contact time in university though?

Have you got your marks for Semester 1 yet? You may have done better than you thought then, and if you managed S1, you can manage S2.

Try not to assume the worst when it comes to things. You can suspend, and keep the uni support, and go back and do better in September - you can try and carry on, and see how it goes, and if it goes bad scrap the whole year under health reasons and do it all again. If you resit or suspend for a year, usually if it is for health reasons, you can do it multiple times. The only restrictions here are that you most complete the course within double its length, so within 6 years for a 3 years full time course, or 12 years for a 3 years part-time course (each year taking 2 years). Student finance usually consider funding you for more than the length of course + 1 years if you get funding for a year which isn't counted due to illness.

Spoiler

Original post by Nut.

Feeling slightly better this ~~morning~~ afternoon :colondollar:

.
(Totally didn't only just get up.)

Have decided that it's probably for the best if I just continue at uni until the end of the academic year, then reassess the situation then if necessary. I only need 40%, and much as my self confidence wants me to believe otherwise, I can't see any way that I'll get less than 40%.

Once that's done I'll have the summer to recover again and hopefully get my meds improved and diagnosis sorted out once and for all.

And if I don't get the 40%, then I can just drop out completely/ reapply/ go to a different uni or whatever.

This seems wise, with respect to what I said above about resitting the year if you do badly, although I think that is unlikely - I have faith in you!

Reply 2904

kka25

Original post by rmhumphries

Reply 2905

The_Male_Melons

I am really tired but can't sleep :frown:

Why would anyone like this?

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 2906

Shippy

Original post by SeaJay

Don't listen to music anymore, don't sing anymore, can't really follow books, can't sleep, never hungry, lost about a stone in the last few weeks, no motivation,

Spoiler

pushing friends away, everything I do is just a distraction, Constantly agitated, grrrrrrrrrrr,

Anyway - Have a good week everyone. Hope I will too....

that's very much how i feel at the moment, except i havent lost any weight :frown:

Reply 2907

The_Male_Melons

Original post by SeaJay

Don't listen to music anymore, don't sing anymore, can't really follow books, can't sleep, never hungry, lost about a stone in the last few weeks, no motivation,

pushing friends away, everything I do is just a distraction, Constantly agitated, grrrrrrrrrrr,

Anyway - Have a good week everyone. Hope I will too....

this but not lost weight (gained :frown:

)

I can't be bothered anymore. Wish I started life all over again

Reply 2908

Shippy

I wish I could go to sleep... I have to be up in 4 hours :/

Reply 2909

Idle

Zopiclone didn't work tonight for the first night in a while :frown:

Reply 2910

avhhs

Really don't feel like getting up and going to school.

Reply 2911

RachelOranges

Original post by Anonymous

It doesn't make you failure, relapses happen unfortunetly and it's not your fault. I'm sure they would want you to get the support you need. I was worried about that too but my counsellor practically pushed me into the dean of students and they have been really lovely. No one will think you are making excuses.
Thanks! :hugs:

You can do it! Good luck! :hugs:

Thanks for your kind words. I'm going to take each day as it comes and see how things go. Just want things to be good this year, I'm fed up of the same thing every year, the same horrible feeling.

Reply 2912

rmhumphries

Original post by kka25

Reply 2913

Sabertooth

Original post by rmhumphries

You guys get back ok?

Reply 2914

McNuggetsAhoy

Original post by Idle

Zopiclone didn't work tonight for the first night in a while :frown:

Harsh

. I've kept some in reserve in case of emergency need :smile:

.

Have you tried having a couple of nights off it? I hear that you get used to it if you take it regularly.

Reply 2915

Anonymous #16

Original post by Sabertooth

You guys get back ok?

Yeah, fairly uneventful drive back. The other one just slept for most of the way. There was a car accident at one point that involved several cars, including one that ended up on its roof, that happened about a mile up from where we were, so we got past it before it delayed us too much.

How are you? :hugs:

Reply 2916

rmhumphries

Original post by Anonymous

This is me. Clicking-anon bug ><

Reply 2917

Sabertooth

Original post by Anonymous

ah right, good to hear it. :smile:

I'm alright, got a killer cold off of someone. :dry:

Reply 2918

Sultana

So first day of operation screw my head back on is going well so far! I have showered, eaten breakfast, had a successful meeting with the crisis team and written 500 words for an assignment. Plan for the afternoon; lunch then walk up to the library to return some books, try and actually get somewhere with my dreaded stats exercise (why is is so hard :argh:

) and then finally go and register with the ddss. This is something I should have done months ago, but I'm a coward. Ha.

Hope everyone is doing alright today :smile:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 2919