I have never had a girlfriend or sex. Have serious confidence issues, what do I do?

First off, I just want to say I appreciate you guys looking at this. If you don't want to read it all, that's fine, but I would really love some helpful advice.

I have never had a girlfriend/been in a relationship, and I've never had sex. Lack of confidence really does have a major affect on me. I am a good looking guy (above average looks wise) and I do get healthy attention from girls. Actually, only today I was waiting at the bus stop after the gym and a bus (not my bus) pulled up at the stop and these two (pretty girls) were smiling at me, which kind of made me feel a little shy, so I tried not to look for too long (not to mention that staring is a little weird). It is annoying because my friends and family (especially family members) always ask whether I have a girlfriend yet, but I always say "no" and they are surprised when I say that, because of my physical looks.

I know this is crazy, but I'm 22 yrs old and it's kind of depressing to be honest. Sometimes it gets me down a lot! I think to myself "why can't I find someone" and I'm not a "one night stand" type of person. I don't really drink, but when in a nightclub you're kind of surrounded by people "getting off" with each other and it's a little much for me personally. I will admit that I do get envious/jealous (whatever you wanna call it) of guys who can "pull" girls in clubs. Don't get me wrong though, I get my share of attention, but I never follow it up. I'm starting to think that a "one night stand" would be a good idea and, that I should just get wasted one night and just "do it!" because I can.

The thing is, I have respect for myself in that way. But I cannot seem to pluck up the courage to meet/talk to girls outside of a club environment, so maybe having a "casual fling" is worth considering. I am not fussed about my virginity, and to be honest I would've lost it ages ago If I could of. It doesn't mean much to me any more. I guess that when I was a teen, I was not physically attractive up until I got rid of my acne and I lost weight at the age of 20 - 21 years old. So most of my teenage life I was lacking confidence in myself, my looks, self esteem etc. Looking like I used to has made me more appreciative of physical appearance, being friendly/nice to people, etc. It's only now that I'm more confident in my appearance, that I've started to come out of my "shell" (so to speak).

I know a lot of guys become arrogant or big headed when they grow up without having any physical issues with themselves (same as women who have always looked good when growing up, I.e. blemish free, good looking etc). Anyway, I guess looking the way I used to has definitely made me more appreciative (I'm starting to repeat myself), so it's good in a way, but my lack of confidence has carried over into my early 20's, so how do I get over this? How do I meet women without worrying about these issues? I try to put on a brave face, but sometimes I see couples, or guys "pulling" girls in clubs and it makes me envious because I realise I haven't got that, I haven't experienced that before.

Anyway, thanks for reading guys and would appreciate some advice, thanks.

Reply 1

emmaamme

wow, a 22 year-old virgin :O :O
... only joking. it really doesnt matter how old you are, infact i respect you a little for still being a virgin.
But honestly my advice, whether its helps or not (i hope it does)
Although you said youre not really a one-night-stand kind of guy i really think you should go out and **** some girls.
Not just so you can say that you're not a virgin or anything. but like i think its self control, its only sex. sex is fun. it doesnt have to mean anything. -you need to teach yourself that you dont need to be in love with someone to have sex with them and also that you need to not let yourself fall in love with whoever you have sex with.
And with the self confidence thing. Its something only you can help yourself with. but just gonna remind you that a guy with confidence is very important (also in the bedroom)

good luck xx

Reply 2

Flyer8

Dude keep an eye out, the girl normally comes around whe you aren't trying. :smile:

As for confidence, keep tidy and try some new clothes, hobbies, go outside comfort zone meet ppl. You'll get there.

Reply 3

Tom78

Original post by emmaamme

i really think you should go out and **** some girls.

that's brilliant lol :biggrin:

Forever alone

don't go to clubs. it seems clubs aren't really for you anyhow. there are so many other places to meet girls. there is no set place.

Reply 6

Kattt_452

What are your hobbies? Do you go to concerts and other events(not involving clubbing?

I'm not sure about recommending you just go out and f*** some girls. Or maybe it is a good idea, I don't know. I just wouldn't want you to regret it, and then suddenly the right girl comes along.

I think you should start small. Smile at girls you see around, and when you see them smiling back(really is fake it til you make it, believe your attractive enough to be liked/flirted with) you'll build confidence. Next, start saying hello and maybe strike up a little bit of conversation. This does work, because I've been there and done it.

Don't think about the men pulling in clubs, focus on you.

Good luck. :smile:

Reply 7

Misnomer

I am the same way, except for the fact that I am female. You need to work on your confidence and to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Reply 8

SugarPuffs

Original post by Misnomer

I am the same way, except for the fact that I am female. You need to work on your confidence and to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

This.

You need to gain more self-confidence and lead an interesting and exciting life, and also meet new people to make yourself happy and fulfilled.

Girls will then naturally come to you (hopefully) if you have your own interests, hobbies and friends, and take an interest in girls/women in general as well.

Sitting inside doing nothing about it will just enforce your situation and will make you feel even more upset over it.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 9

tweety_2479

female version of you can't see anything changing soon either pm if you wanna talk

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the answers guys. It's a little annoying though, as even my "less attractive" friends have got girlfriends/have had sex! one of my friends is overweight and facially he isn't very attractive at all, but he's had two girlfriends in the last couple years. I can't believe it when he talks about sex because I think to myself "WTF, how did you get girlfriends and me "zilch" action, it's embarrassing!! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him, but it annoys me that I struggle to meet women and he's already had two girlfriends. What am I doing wrong??? I need to sort myself out, but I don't know how.

Reply 11

janey01

Don't take emmaamme's advice of going out and having sex with random girls. If you were to have negative experiences with random girls it would knock your confidence even further. Whereas if you had awkward moments with someone you cared about, it wouldn't be as bad because you'd have trust and respect for each other - You could end up sleeping with a bitchy, nasty girl who goes off and tells her mates everything, including if there were awkward moments and times where you seemed nervous - Some guys do lose their erections because they're nervous beforehand.. Would you rather have that happen with someone you trust or a random girl who turns out to be an uber bitch? :P

Theres no rush to have sex, take your time because you will regret having sex with random girls that you don't care about and who don't care about you because suddenly the right girl will come along and you'll wish you'd hung on and slept with her before your decided to wh*re yourself out.

Have some self respect and see it as a good thing :/ I'd have loved it if my current boyfriend had been a virgin before I had my first time with him xx