How would you define "classy"?

A girl I know went for a drink with a male friend recently. Said male friend is seeing one of our mutual friends (been on several dates), and she asked him whether they were going to make it official or not. She mentioned her boyfriend and was saying that she knew after a couple of dates that he was the right person for her. In response to that her friend said "Yeah but you're easy. X is much classier than that".

She was quite understandably upset, and I'm shocked that a modern man would have that point of view. There is nothing easy about a woman feeling sure that she wants to make it exclusive with someone after a couple of dates. So this situation got me thinking...Surely if a woman is sure about her feelings and where it is going, that is pretty classy? Why does this guy seem to think that suppressing romantic instincts and opinion, makes a woman "classier"? Does he want a woman, or a girl?

Reply 1

batboy113

a woman who drives a Bentley and swallows

Reply 2

BKS

The opposite of cringe worthy. Respectable and respects herself are the main ones though I don't think women who have one night stands or don't 'wait' for sex are necessarily not classy

Reply 3

Aconcernedparent

Asking to make it official after a few dates (I don't know how many) would seem a bit forward to me. I would wait until we've really become both lovers and friends and have had that bf/gf sex. It's also a matter of being emotionally close. He might have felt that she was just looking for a boyfriend. I don't know what he meant by 'easy', but if they haven't slept together, I assume he meant that she made it very easy for him. Guys don't necessarily want to work for a girl, but they want the kind of girl you have to work for. And perhaps your friend is not that girl. That may seem traditional, but as modern and cool it is for girls to be forward, guys looking for classy girls often want someone more laid back. May also be a combination of her style and way of carrying herself.

Reply 4

ForKicks

Educated, well-dressed, good manners/polite.

easy: ME
xx

Original post by Lucia.

She mentioned her boyfriend and was saying that she knew after a couple of dates that he was the right person for her. In response to that her friend said "Yeah but you're easy. X is much classier than that".

So this situation got me thinking...Surely if a woman is sure about her feelings and where it is going, that is pretty classy? Why does this guy seem to think that suppressing romantic instincts and opinion, makes a woman "classier"? Does he want a woman, or a girl?

It really depends on the context of his reference to being "easy" - whether he meant that she is easy in the sense that she is free and loose with her affections, or whether she is easy in that she is an easy-going, relaxed person when it comes to relationships.

I don't really see how thinking someone is right for you early on makes you "easy" in the "slutty" (ugh that word) sense. However maybe he meant it like she is a "forward" person, open and pushy about her emotions, thoughts and feelings. Being classy is usually tied in to being reserved.. Modestly but attractively dressed, simple but polished hair and make-up, intelligent and not brash personality-wise. Pushing for exclusivity two dates in is pretty brash and forward, it's very early on after all. Waiting a few more dates before raising it as a topic of discussion would be a lot less pushy, and therefore, perhaps considered "classier". I don't think waiting is suppressing your emotions either, it's allowing yourself the time to actually think rationally and allowing yourself to get to know someone better than at face value.

Reply 7

RichyFrench

Think of TOWIE/Desperate Scousewives/Made in Chelsea/Geordie Shore, and then imagine the complete opposite.

Reply 8

Lucia.

Thanks for the replies. Perhaps I did misinterpret. I think I can see the whole context a bit better now. I don't know her that well but I haven't experienced her to be that pushy, although I can see how that might come across.

Oh dear makes me feel that I didn't her good advice because I may have jumped to a few conclusions. She's catholic anyway, so certainly sexually conservative. She didn't say she forced a conversation to make it official, just that she was sure she liked him by that point. I think they knew each other for a while before going on a few dates. But you're right. There are different ways of being easy. But wouldn't you say that, you can pursue something with someone when it feels right, without necessarily being perceived that way?

Reply 9

Palatial Veranda

A classy woman for me can hunt down, pursue and devour a buffalo in minutes

Reply 10

Rainbow-Dream

Original post by alawhisp

I agree with your second paragraph, but tbh I think we both know what said guy in OP's post meant by 'easy'.
I've never heard anyone describe someone as 'easy' and mean anything else; he would have described her as an easygoing, laid-back, chilled kinda girl if that was the case.

Reply 11

Aconcernedparent

Original post by Lucia.

I think people misunderstood your title a little. If you'd just ask me what I think is classy, I'd mention a type of appearance, certain hobbies, how a woman carries herself etc. But the scenario you describe is different to that.
The traditional meaning of 'easy' is someone who's sexually promiscuous/has low standards/doesn't value herself. Some would also extend that to kissing and making out, but it's rare in this day and age. The fact that she doesn't sleep around may make her less promiscuous, but it doesn't mean she is perceived that way. She may also be 'easy' in the sense that it is too 'easy' to get her. Some women take pride in not sleeping around, but would essentially give it up for anyone who is verbally very into her and offers her commitment worth nothing.
I don't mean to step on any toes, but I know several sexually conservative girls whom give out their love and affection like candy. Some whom are actually virgins but still 'easy' in the sense that they are easy to date and easy to make fall in love with you. Some girls are so obsessed with locking the commitment down before sex, they appear to not even care what kind of guy they're dating (if they did care about his standard, they wouldn't suggest commitment before they knew him properly). That is a way of being 'easy' - pushing for a monogamous relationship with someone you barely know. Like I said, guys know that high quality girls usually don't offer themselves on a plate, and they rarely push a guy up in a corner when it comes to making it official.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 12

fredscarecrow

Was he not joking? Im not saying that makes it acceptable, because if he upset her then he overstepped the line... but my boy mates will always make a throwaway comment about me being easy. It's just a response when the conversation is getting a bit serious and they come out with a 'yeh but you're easy' end of conversation type of jokey comment.

It just seems like ab odd comment to be serious about given the context.