re-add/make contact with ex bf?

Basically, i broke up with my boyfriend about 2-3weeks ago now. I dumped him and he did try contact me again to meet up but i decided not to because i didn't want to get back with him. then about 3 days ago he messaged me on facebook just saying "hey" and we just asked how each other were and what we were up to. then I deleted him because I thought it would be for the best, to help me get over him and stop looking at his profile to see what he's up to. But, I do miss him and starting to think maybe i should try contacting him? or at least letting him know that I didn't delete him to be harsh but because I still have feelings for him? but then he hasn't asked me why I've deleted him and hasn't even been in contact..so he might not have even noticed (DONT KNOW!)

I was only with him for about 3months and decided to break up with him because i didn't think he was putting enough effort into the relationship to make it work. also, we kinda had communication issues and this led to us both getting mixed messages/confusion and still not knowing each other better..

should i suggest getting to know him as a friend or just leave everything as it is?

Reply 1

blondyx

I think just be honest with him. There is nothing worse than wondering 'what if'

Reply 2

SuperCat007

I'd say leave it. If you felt like that after only 3 months then it obviously wasn't right. When you're feeling like you're over the relationship, if you still want to explore being friends with him then that is the time to get in touch and make friends. But this sounds like pretty typical relationship break-up healing.

Reply 3

Auchtermuchty

The question is do you give a **** about his feelings. If the answer is yes it would be decent to say something like: Hey I don't want us to be in contact for awhile because it's too difficult.

IMO one of the most horrible things a girl can do is the unexplained/unjustified silent treatment.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by blondyx

I think just be honest with him. There is nothing worse than wondering 'what if'

I'm in two minds about it though. Like, part of me wants to just get over and move on because I just don't need all the mind games etcc. but then because I have feelings for him, I want to sort things out or at least see what he wants/feels because he never said. How could i do this?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by SuperCat007

Yeah, I should do this. When I think about getting back with him etc, I worry i might end up even more hurt later because the relationship wasn't good at the start (when it needs the most effort IMO). I think I'm attached because he was my first proper boyfriend and I lost my v to him lol

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Auchtermuchty

Yeah I care about his feelings but he doesn't tell me what he feels.. even when i broke up i told him how I felt and he just accepted the break up without saying what he thought or felt

Reply 7

blondyx

Original post by Anonymous

I know what you mean, it is tricky. I have experienced this a bit with a guy I was with at uni. I couldn't move on because of the same reason. I felt like I needed to make a proper go at it. If it was me, I would just message him and start of small talk and then meet up with him, go with the flow, and if he seems a bit interested still then explain you would like to give it another go but to do it properly this time. Or you could just jump the gun and ask him to meet up and talk or say over facebook or whatever you deleted him because you still have feelings for him and ou found it hard and then see if he says the same back

Reply 8

username447608

I think you should leave it, when somebody is not over you you need to cut ties, by keeping in contact you give them false hope, they will hang of your every single word and action in a hope they will get you back. If you have no intention of being with him cease contact till he has moved on becaue its really really not fair on his feelings you may also find that if you just want to be friends he doesnt, or if you still have feelings being close to him when he moves on/gets a new gf will hurt you. I think your ex is an ex for a reason and its best to leave them in your past

Reply 9

SuperCat007

Definitely leave it. If you're only thinking of getting back to him because he's your first bf etc then they are not good enough reasons to keep going with a bad relationship. It is really hard if it your first 'real' heart break but you'll be so much stronger for doing it. Just make sure you are consistent with what you do. Either cut him out until you feel better, no contact. Or keep in touch, but that will be much harder. You certainly can't cut him out, then get back in touch, then change your mind etc. It's not fair on either of you.

Reply 10

natcho

OP, surely deleting him from facebook is a fairly unambiguous "do not contact me, I don't want anything to do with you", and you shouldn't therefore complain that upon your deleting him he doesn't get in touch?

Seems that you obviously don't know what you want and you're being hot and cold with this guy - talking away, deleted off facebook, back in touch again etc etc. I'd leave it.

Reply 11

SuperCat007

Original post by Anonymous

I just have to comment on this, I completely disagree with the bit in bold. If you're having to work at a relationship that early on then it is not right. You only put more effort into your clothes and make up this early on, not in the actual relationship. You start working at a relationship after 1 year-18months as you're getting settled in and used to each other and your foibles. That's when you have to keep putting effort in to keep it new and exciting. Don't fool yourself into going out with guys who don't put any effort in and make you work hard for them, they aren't right for you and certainly don't deserve you.