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Hey! just a little advice please :)

Nearly every minute of every day I spend thinking about this situation so just a little advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'll try and make it short.
I've just finished my A-Levels in Biology, Chemistry and Mathematics. Since I was younger I have always wanted to go to University and gain the whole halls experience etc but the problem is I have a boyfriend and have been with him for 3 years now (quite a long time I know). He's five years older than me, has a well paid job and wants to buy a house together (he has saved up a lot of money to put down on a house). This would mean going to the University near where we live which is an ex-poly! or moving away from him quite far away and living in University halls. I just don't know what to do, I know I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but if we do break up in the future I know that I'll regret not taking the opportunity. I don't particularly like living in the area that I do and the only thing keeping me around here is him. If I move away from him I think I may become depressed because we spend so much time together at the moment, but if I stay I still may become depressed by not taking the opportunity and take it out on him (not intentionally).

Any help would be greatly appreciated :smile:

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Reply 1
Avatar for tehforum
tehforum
20
Original post by NoRegrets :)
Nearly every minute of every day I spend thinking about this situation so just a little advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'll try and make it short.
I've just finished my A-Levels in Biology, Chemistry and Mathematics. Since I was younger I have always wanted to go to University and gain the whole halls experience etc but the problem is I have a boyfriend and have been with him for 3 years now (quite a long time I know). He's five years older than me, has a well paid job and wants to buy a house together (he has saved up a lot of money to put down on a house). This would mean going to the University near where we live which is an ex-poly! or moving away from him quite far away and living in University halls. I just don't know what to do, I know I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but if we do break up in the future I know that I'll regret not taking the opportunity. I don't particularly like living in the area that I do and the only thing keeping me around here is him. If I move away from him I think I may become depressed because we spend so much time together at the moment, but if I stay I still may become depressed by not taking the opportunity and take it out on him (not intentionally).

Any help would be greatly appreciated :smile:



Live in halls.

Try and work out an LDR.

I hate to use the following... but you only get one opportunity of living in halls.
If you've been together for 3 years then I'm sure you can cope with a long distance relationship.
Reply 3
Avatar for laura1234
laura1234
1
If he loves you as much as you love him then there shouldn't be a problem with a long distance relationship, don't hold back on your dream. As you say if you were to break up in the future you will have regretted not going. You have the rest of your life to buy houses and live with your BF.
Original post by NoRegrets :)
Nearly every minute of every day I spend thinking about this situation so just a little advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'll try and make it short.
I've just finished my A-Levels in Biology, Chemistry and Mathematics. Since I was younger I have always wanted to go to University and gain the whole halls experience etc but the problem is I have a boyfriend and have been with him for 3 years now (quite a long time I know). He's five years older than me, has a well paid job and wants to buy a house together (he has saved up a lot of money to put down on a house). This would mean going to the University near where we live which is an ex-poly! or moving away from him quite far away and living in University halls. I just don't know what to do, I know I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but if we do break up in the future I know that I'll regret not taking the opportunity. I don't particularly like living in the area that I do and the only thing keeping me around here is him. If I move away from him I think I may become depressed because we spend so much time together at the moment, but if I stay I still may become depressed by not taking the opportunity and take it out on him (not intentionally).

Any help would be greatly appreciated :smile:


If you want to go elsewhere and want to get the whole experience, I think you'll wind up resenting him for preventing you even if you don't break up.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 5
Avatar for Pride
Pride
21
I wouldn't give up going to the university you prefe, you have lots of time after that to be together. Visit each other, phone, it's doable.

which course are you doing? how many years will you be studying?
Reply 6
Avatar for 11flon
11flon
11
I've been with my boyfriend 3 years too and am moving from where we both live (Manchester) to Exeter at the other end of the country for uni. I debated applying again next year to a uni closer to home as, like you, I spend so much time with him, he's my best friend as well as my boyfriend and the idea of being so far away from him for so long isn't nice. But in the end I decided to go as I'd rather be a bit down and miss him sometimes than look back in a few years and regret not going. The halls are a really massive part of the uni eperience from what my friends have told me and if you make it through the next 3/4 years your got your whole life to live with him. Obviously it's your decision but if you have he chance to go to a better university you should give some serious thought about giving that up for a relationship.

Anyway if he has enough money to buy a house that suggests he could probably afford to come and visit you every now and then in term time so it wouldn't be too bad? (: Think me and my boyfriend might have to make do with seeing each other when I'm back in the holidays :frown:
Reply 7
Avatar for NoRegrets :)
NoRegrets :)
OP
Thanks guys! All the advice is much appreciated! I am going to University to study Pharmacy (MPharm). He has never stopped me going away, and has just said we can make it work whatever happens. I just can't imagine leaving him behind because it absolutely sucks around here, and he can't move because he has been promoted so much in his current job and it wouldn't be fair for him to start going up the ranks all over again.
Reply 8
Avatar for NoRegrets :)
NoRegrets :)
OP
Original post by 11flon
I've been with my boyfriend 3 years too and am moving from where we both live (Manchester) to Exeter at the other end of the country for uni. I debated applying again next year to a uni closer to home as, like you, I spend so much time with him, he's my best friend as well as my boyfriend and the idea of being so far away from him for so long isn't nice. But in the end I decided to go as I'd rather be a bit down and miss him sometimes than look back in a few years and regret not going. The halls are a really massive part of the uni eperience from what my friends have told me and if you make it through the next 3/4 years your got your whole life to live with him. Obviously it's your decision but if you have he chance to go to a better university you should give some serious thought about giving that up for a relationship.

Anyway if he has enough money to buy a house that suggests he could probably afford to come and visit you every now and then in term time so it wouldn't be too bad? (: Think me and my boyfriend might have to make do with seeing each other when I'm back in the holidays :frown:


I'm sooo glad someone is in the same predicament as me, I'm finding it so hard at the moment. What are you going to study if you don't mind me asking? Is your boyfriend moving to a different Uni or does he work where you live now?
Reply 9
Avatar for jasmeister
jasmeister
3
Go to the University of your choice, and gain the student experience of living in halls. If you two are so strong (which seems to be the case) then there shouldn't be a problem in finding time to see eachother around Uni. I know it may sound cliche, but honestly, if he really loves you then he would want the best for you. It's your life after all :smile: You have so much ahead of you, so seize every opportunity
Original post by NoRegrets :)
Thanks guys! All the advice is much appreciated! I am going to University to study Pharmacy (MPharm). He has never stopped me going away, and has just said we can make it work whatever happens. I just can't imagine leaving him behind because it absolutely sucks around here, and he can't move because he has been promoted so much in his current job and it wouldn't be fair for him to start going up the ranks all over again.


No, he's not stopping you in that he's not saying "No you can't go to university far away" ... but I think you would come to associate not feeling free to go away with being with him.

In the long term, if he can't move job and you don't want to live in the area, what are you going to do?
Reply 11
Avatar for Smason5
Smason5
I definitely think you should go live in Halls. Don't put your life on hold for anyone, it will be your greatest regret. You seem young and so what if your relationship doesn't work out, look what you would have lost. Good luck.
Reply 12
Avatar for twelve
twelve
13
Definitely go to the university of your choice - I don't think anyone would tell you to do otherwise. You should NEVER give up on what you want to do because of a partner. If you are a strong couple, you WILL make it work. It is tough going long distance, but there is always the oppurtunity for him to move to you maybe (in a few years when he needs to change jobs or something) and it isn't forever. I'd also say that if you did decide to stay and go to the nearby university, I would still move into halls.

Basically, I can see why you are wondering whats right, but its always right for you to do what you want to do. Don't let him hold you back from anything, because you would just end up resenting him for it in the end anyway.
Reply 13
Avatar for hissyfit
hissyfit
15
Go live in Halls,u can skype,call,email & visit each other
I would never take my partner into consideration when making uni decisions like this! It's your life, he can like it or lump it. :smile:
Reply 15
Avatar for Robertall
Robertall
8
Original post by TheAdequateGatsby
I would never take my partner into consideration when making uni decisions like this! It's your life, he can like it or lump it. :smile:



I kinda agree but also disagree. It is difficult. I think that a good compromise should be sorted.

But i also think that if you don't go uni, you will most probably regret it. I do agree that you should put your uni first, or at least get an excellent compromise of both edu and relationship.
Reply 16
Avatar for 11flon
11flon
11
Original post by NoRegrets :)
I'm sooo glad someone is in the same predicament as me, I'm finding it so hard at the moment. What are you going to study if you don't mind me asking? Is your boyfriend moving to a different Uni or does he work where you live now?


It's pretty horrible isn't it! But im hoping that the uni experience will be worth it and after that we've got all the time in the world. Physics :smile: how about you? He's having to stay another year at college, I'm kind of hoping he might come down and share a flat with me in second year when he's finished college but realistically he'll probably be looking at unis, and his band just got signed so he might have to stay in manchester with the rest of them. Safe to say we have no idea what's happening at the moment :/
Reply 17
Avatar for 123maz
123maz
what is ex-poly??
Reply 18
Avatar for 123maz
123maz
Original post by NoRegrets :)
Nearly every minute of every day I spend thinking about this situation so just a little advice would be greatly appreciated.
Any help would be greatly appreciated :smile:


well can't you and your boyfriend move into a flat near your university?
that way you could still be together and enjoy uni--
you have to compromise because he is still important to you :cool:
I would probably do something like try and go to a uni no more than 3 hours away from where he lives or at least on a good rail connection. Then you can visit each other regularly without it being a long journey. Remember too - the holidays at uni are pretty long and you can spend a lot of time in his house then.

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