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I want to date/have sex with 2 girls who are best friends, a polyamorous relationship

Bit of background: I'm at a pretty advanced stage in dating/relationships. I have no problem meeting and dating girls, but I am bored of dating 1 girl at a time and want to try something different.

Whenever I'm out and about, I see lots of girls in twos, i.e. a girl and her other female friend. I fantasise about picking up and dating 2 girls, not just 1.

The type of relationship I'm after is where I date 2 girls who are best friends with each other. They would both become my girlfriends and they would both date me and have sex with me. We would have threesomes, and also normal 1 on 1 sex. It would be an open relationship. I would spend time with them both together or sometimes separately, but basically I'd be dating them both.

I would be totally honest with them both, of course. There would be no lies, no games, no manipulation. Everything would be out in the open, all cards on the table (so to speak).

Has anyone got any experience of approaching and dating 2 girls who are best friends?

Could this lead to possible jealousy issues between the girls? In my experience, girls tend to be very jealous and competitive towards each other when they are both attracted to a guy.

I think the best way to get this kind of relationship would be to be completely honest with the girls about the fact that I'm attracted to them both and what kind of relationship I want, and let them have the free choice as to whether to go ahead with it.

Just wondered if any girls here have ever dated a guy where both you and your best friend have been having sex with him?

I don't even know exactly why I'm writing this post....I already know what I'm doing regarding approaching 2 girls, but just wondered if anyone here has been in this kind of relationship and you had any wisdom about it? (Maybe TSR isn't the place for asking for this sort of advice, as most people on here have problems in their dating lives).

Thanks for any replies. No hateful or unhelpful replies please, only genuine advice please.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 1
Avatar for anilkumar
anilkumar
6
I'm not really offering advice on this, more so just giving you a bit of scientific details x) Not because I despise what you're thinking/feeling or have anything against this personally, but naturally girls are a lot more sensitive and emotional than us guys are. Of course not all girls are as emotional, but statistically speaking, they are more emotional than guys on average.

Therefore I think, because guys aren't as emotional, we don't see problems that could occur.

As girls tend to be more emotional, there's a bigger chance that if you do have sex with them, it might develop their emotional feeling even more. Sex is a really intimate act that releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that is only released in a girl during two acts. Having sex, and giving birth. It's the hormone that makes the girl feel attatched to you, dubbed the "love hormone". Therefore if you have sex with them, there's a damn good chance that this oxytocin is going to be released into their bloodstream, making them feel closer and more attatched to you.

It's then where then feelings such as jealousy are going to kick in, as the chances are the girls are probably going to be more uncomfortable with the idea of you having sex with another girl, especially their best friend, and the jealousy will lead to tension, and so on and so forth.

If they're both up for it then go ahead, do what you want, like I said in another post on this board a couple of hours ago, we do what we do because we just want to be happier than we are, and if this will make you happy ( :wink: ) then go for it! But I'd just be prepared for the girls to start developing a lot more deep emotions and change their views on the scenario quite quickly :smile:

Good luck!
Reply 2
Avatar for doobucks
doobucks
16
Original post by The_Real_Deal_
Bit of background: I'm at a pretty advanced stage in dating/relationships. I have no problem meeting and dating girls, but I am bored of dating 1 girl at a time and want to try something different.

Whenever I'm out and about, I see lots of girls in twos, i.e. a girl and her other female friend. I fantasise about picking up and dating 2 girls, not just 1.

The type of relationship I'm after is where I date 2 girls who are best friends with each other. They would both become my girlfriends and they would both date me and have sex with me. We would have threesomes, and also normal 1 on 1 sex. It would be an open relationship. I would spend time with them both together or sometimes separately, but basically I'd be dating them both.

I would be totally honest with them both, of course. There would be no lies, no games, no manipulation. Everything would be out in the open, all cards on the table (so to speak).

Has anyone got any experience of approaching and dating 2 girls who are best friends?

Could this lead to possible jealousy issues between the girls? In my experience, girls tend to be very jealous and competitive towards each other when they are both attracted to a guy.

I think the best way to get this kind of relationship would be to be completely honest with the girls about the fact that I'm attracted to them both and what kind of relationship I want, and let them have the free choice as to whether to go ahead with it.

Just wondered if any girls here have ever dated a guy where both you and your best friend have been having sex with him?

I don't even know exactly why I'm writing this post....I already know what I'm doing regarding approaching 2 girls, but just wondered if anyone here has been in this kind of relationship and you had any wisdom about it? (Maybe TSR isn't the place for asking for this sort of advice, as most people on here have problems in their dating lives).

Thanks for any replies. No hateful or unhelpful replies please, only genuine advice please.


I really don't see this going well. I guess there would be jealousy along the line and you'll be having to make sure that the girls are ok with it.

Like the guy said earlier, the girls will be attached to you, so it's gonna be a struggle keeping two girls at the same time. Although, I think you should see it as a challenge. Try it.
Lol I really don't see how this would ever work as a relationship. I seriously wouldn't advise it :L
Reply 4
Avatar for The_Real_Deal_
The_Real_Deal_
OP
Thanks for the replies so far. Yeah, jealousy issues are a major factor with these sort of relationships.

See, I've approached girls in twos quite a bit, and ended up exchanging numbers with them both, only to have one girl later tell me that she's worried about her friend being jealous.

I've also had an experience where the jealous one tried to tell me her friend wasn't interested in me....only to find out from her friend that she WAS interested in me (i.e. the jealous friend tried to 'block' her friend's attempts to go out with me, so she could get me to herself).

There do seem to be problems associated with trying to pick up 2 girls, so I'm thinking of trying a different approach where I simply make my honest intentions known right at the start or when I meet them for a 'date'....and then see how they react.

I don't mean to sound like a 'pig', but I'm at the point where I'm not as turned on by one girl any more, and want to try dating 2 girls who are best mates.....because it will be more exciting and 'riskier'.

Anyway, any further replies are appreciated.
(edited 11 years ago)
Good luck in finding two girls who will go for this.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad Ap
Reply 6
Avatar for anilkumar
anilkumar
6
The only thing I would say, is that, and I can tell from your approach to this that you're a good guy and have a girls best interest first, just don't toy with them. By doing this, there is a huge risk that you really could hurt a girl if you're not careful. By the way you've posted and the things you've been saying, it seems that you understand this which is a really good thing and I'm glad I can pick up on that. You don't sound like a pig at all, it's normal for your mind to wonder and want to experiment and try new things. It's just the same as a couple wanting to try a new sex position or something like that, just wanting to do something a bit more exciting. Just whatever you do, make sure that you don't damage anybody, because it isn't fair on them if you do. Just be careful not to let anybody get too emotionally attached to you without them understanding what you want in your mind (an open relationship with more than one person) :smile:
Reply 7
Avatar for The_Real_Deal_
The_Real_Deal_
OP
Original post by anilkumar
The only thing I would say, is that, and I can tell from your approach to this that you're a good guy and have a girls best interest first, just don't toy with them. By doing this, there is a huge risk that you really could hurt a girl if you're not careful. By the way you've posted and the things you've been saying, it seems that you understand this which is a really good thing and I'm glad I can pick up on that. You don't sound like a pig at all, it's normal for your mind to wonder and want to experiment and try new things. It's just the same as a couple wanting to try a new sex position or something like that, just wanting to do something a bit more exciting. Just whatever you do, make sure that you don't damage anybody, because it isn't fair on them if you do. Just be careful not to let anybody get too emotionally attached to you without them understanding what you want in your mind (an open relationship with more than one person) :smile:


Hey man, I really appreciate that reply :smile: I was expecting a lot of 'backlash' against me for writing this post, but it's good to know that what I want isn't seen as anything bad towards women or anything.

Yeah, you're right, I do genuinely like and respect girls and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or anything. I would honestly feel terrible if I hurt a girl, and I'd only want them to get into this kind of relationship if they could handle the feelings, otherwise I'd give them the choice to say no.

Yes, I do want to be happier. Not that I'm unhappy now, but having 2 girlfriends would increase my happiness and enjoyment of life a little, which is no bad thing.
Reply 8
Avatar for anilkumar
anilkumar
6
That just sums it all up then! You don't want to hurt a girl, and you understand that looking for this sort of relationship means all the participants need to be aware of the situation before they get involved in it. Which is fine, because there's gonna be girls out there looking for guys wanting what you do! It's no bad thing at all. I really hope everything works out for you! All the best :biggrin:
Reply 9
Avatar for alawhisp
alawhisp
9
Original post by The_Real_Deal_
Yes, I do want to be happier. Not that I'm unhappy now, but having 2 girlfriends would increase my happiness and enjoyment of life a little, which is no bad thing.


Join the polyamorous community then... Can't see you having much success with the average girl on the street.
Reply 10
Avatar for function
function
Original post by The_Real_Deal_
Bit of background: I'm at a pretty advanced stage in dating/relationships. I have no problem meeting and dating girls, but I am bored of dating 1 girl at a time and want to try something different.

Whenever I'm out and about, I see lots of girls in twos, i.e. a girl and her other female friend. I fantasise about picking up and dating 2 girls, not just 1.

The type of relationship I'm after is where I date 2 girls who are best friends with each other. They would both become my girlfriends and they would both date me and have sex with me. We would have threesomes, and also normal 1 on 1 sex. It would be an open relationship. I would spend time with them both together or sometimes separately, but basically I'd be dating them both.

I would be totally honest with them both, of course. There would be no lies, no games, no manipulation. Everything would be out in the open, all cards on the table (so to speak).

Has anyone got any experience of approaching and dating 2 girls who are best friends?

Could this lead to possible jealousy issues between the girls? In my experience, girls tend to be very jealous and competitive towards each other when they are both attracted to a guy.

I think the best way to get this kind of relationship would be to be completely honest with the girls about the fact that I'm attracted to them both and what kind of relationship I want, and let them have the free choice as to whether to go ahead with it.

Just wondered if any girls here have ever dated a guy where both you and your best friend have been having sex with him?

I don't even know exactly why I'm writing this post....I already know what I'm doing regarding approaching 2 girls, but just wondered if anyone here has been in this kind of relationship and you had any wisdom about it? (Maybe TSR isn't the place for asking for this sort of advice, as most people on here have problems in their dating lives).

Thanks for any replies. No hateful or unhelpful replies please, only genuine advice please.


I will try to not regurgitate what others have said but let me just add my two cents.

Firstly i can fully understand your desire and i would be lying if i said the situation you describe did not seem very appealing. I would wager in fact that it is something that would resonate with most men. However it is very idealistic and uncommon in society due to the complications that arise with it. Mainly jealousy.
If you can overcome the main problem of finding suitable candidates it may however be worth pursuing.

I do have a few questions about your ambitions though..

Why must the two girls be best friends? I can understand that this might make the dynamics seem more fun but practically, unless you find two very 'open' friends it will most likely complicate things more. These two friends would already have to be open to bisexual encounters involving each-other. This is a trait common in partners and not best friends so already greatly narrows the field. Also people tend to be jealous of their friends more so than others.

Also why do they have two be your girlfriends and not just sexual partners? Is this because you seek a long term loving relationship or because of the convenience or what? Perhaps it is because you want the exclusivity of them only sleeping with you, (although you did not specifically say this in your post).
If the case is the latter then already the double standard of the relationship is brought in to question. Why do you get two of them and they get one of you?

Last few questions. What are your previous experiences in three-way relationships? What is your sexual orientation? If you were bi would you be open to a similar but inverse set of arrangements. i.e you and your best friend with one girl. How long do you intend for this arrangement to go on for?

Anyway i will pursuing the thread so please do reply. I think it is a very interesting idea and i wish you the best of luck since if you can make it work i'm sure it will have been worth it.
Original post by function

I do have a few questions about your ambitions though..

Why must the two girls be best friends?


Often, when I go out, I meet girls in twos who are best friends. And I've come to the conclusion that I want to be able to successfully pull girls who are best friends. I love the two-girl dynamic I guess.

Also, I want them to be best friends because when we get together we can all get along really well and have a good time together and be relaxed in each others' company. It's easy to do that with 2 girls who are best friends. The hard thing about picking up 2 girls who are best friends is getting them into a sexual situation together (since they are likely to be straight, and not sexually attracted to each other....though they may be bi).

Original post by function
Also why do they have two be your girlfriends and not just sexual partners? Is this because you seek a long term loving relationship or because of the convenience or what?


They don't have to be my 'serious girlfriends', but I would love to have a sort of relationship with them where we do stuff that normal boyfriend/girlfriend couples do; the only difference would be that I would have 2 girls and not just 1.

The thought of 2 girls who are best friends both being madly attracted to me (bordering on 'in love' with me) is a serious turn on. It's got nothing to do with 'convenience'.

Original post by function
Why do you get two of them and they get one of you?


It would be a non-monogamous relationship, so they would be free to date other guys when they are not with me, should they wish to do so.

Original post by function
Last few questions. What are your previous experiences in three-way relationships?


I've never been in a three-way relationship before. I've dated multiple women, but they did not know each other, and I always saw them 1 on 1 and not in any 3 way thing.

I've approached a lot of girls in twos, though, and I really enjoy that. Usually when I approach girls in twos, I end up pulling one of them and not the other. The thought that I could pull them both turns me on a lot, so that's what I want.

Original post by function
What is your sexual orientation?


Straight, polyamorous.

Original post by function
If you were bi would you be open to a similar but inverse set of arrangements. i.e you and your best friend with one girl.


If I was bi, yeah. But I'm straight so that's a no-goer.

Original post by function
How long do you intend for this arrangement to go on for?


As long as we all want to be there out of our own free choice, and as long as we all get enjoyment from the relationship. If either of those things stops, it would be time to move on.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by x-Sophie-x
Lol I really don't see how this would ever work as a relationship. I seriously wouldn't advise it :L


Why wouldn't you advise it?
How old are you?

Polyamorous relationships seem to only really work in older people who don't have as many insecurity and jealousy issues. I think you would be hard pushed to find two girls, in say their 20s, who would be up for it. And for them to be best friends would be even less likely. Too much jealousy.
I know none of the girls I'm friends with would ever ever be up for this. Girls are usually massively jealous. The idea I would have to share a guy i was in love with is painful to even think about.
You will have more luck if the girls aren't best friends - maybe if they were vague friends from the same friendship group you would be getting somewhere. Even with bi tendancies a girl doesn't go for her best friend. Its like saying every gay guy wants to shag all his (gay or straight) guy mates. It doesn't work like that.
Reply 15
Avatar for deadwing
deadwing
1
Maybe look on the internet, there must be polyamorous forum somewhere, or you could try a dating site.

Tbh unless you get really lucky I doubt the average girl you meet in a bar would be happy to enter into this kind of arrangement.
Original post by The_Real_Deal_
Bit of background: I'm at a pretty advanced stage in dating/relationships. I have no problem meeting and dating girls, but I am bored of dating 1 girl at a time and want to try something different.

Whenever I'm out and about, I see lots of girls in twos, i.e. a girl and her other female friend. I fantasise about picking up and dating 2 girls, not just 1.

The type of relationship I'm after is where I date 2 girls who are best friends with each other. They would both become my girlfriends and they would both date me and have sex with me. We would have threesomes, and also normal 1 on 1 sex. It would be an open relationship. I would spend time with them both together or sometimes separately, but basically I'd be dating them both.

I would be totally honest with them both, of course. There would be no lies, no games, no manipulation. Everything would be out in the open, all cards on the table (so to speak).

Has anyone got any experience of approaching and dating 2 girls who are best friends?

Could this lead to possible jealousy issues between the girls? In my experience, girls tend to be very jealous and competitive towards each other when they are both attracted to a guy.

I think the best way to get this kind of relationship would be to be completely honest with the girls about the fact that I'm attracted to them both and what kind of relationship I want, and let them have the free choice as to whether to go ahead with it.

Just wondered if any girls here have ever dated a guy where both you and your best friend have been having sex with him?

I don't even know exactly why I'm writing this post....I already know what I'm doing regarding approaching 2 girls, but just wondered if anyone here has been in this kind of relationship and you had any wisdom about it? (Maybe TSR isn't the place for asking for this sort of advice, as most people on here have problems in their dating lives).

Thanks for any replies. No hateful or unhelpful replies please, only genuine advice please.


I just hope no girl has fallen in love with you, so far. ^

But good thing though, you are honest. So go straight and tell them first what you want of the relationship.

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