Going to uni a virgin... what is uni honestly like on this side of things?

Right, so i'm 18, normal lad, average looking ect. ect. - basically due to relationships circumstances and stuff i'll be going to uni a virgin

now i'm probably overworrying about stuff as i'm sure plenty of other people go to uni a vigin too, but i kinda have my own sorta beliefs about sex and that i don't really wanna loose it in a one night stand. i'm not exactly a fan of the whole "lad" thing...

Anyway, just from hearing from current students at work about how they regularly shag girls it's kinda making me nervous about the whole thing and that i'll be some weird reject if i dont get in on it

So to clarify, are relationships non-existant at uni and just free love or is there actually a fair amount of guys who don't go on the pull every weekend

be honest, troll, whatever i just kinda wanna know what to expect guy, cheers :P

Reply 1

FrostyLemon

I know a lot of people in relationships at uni, long term ones too. They mostly kick off in the second year once everyone realises the first isn't the sex fest its hyped up to be. You can find whatever you are looking for at uni, I've had some weeks where I wanted to mess around and got it and theres been opportunities for relationships too. My advice is, if you make it too much of an issue it'll effect your confidence and then you'll be sure to get **** all. So chill.

Reply 2

GirasoleL

While there may be a few people who do go out on the pull often, there are also plenty of guys and girls who don't go out and pick people up every weekend.

Relationships are also far from non-existent, there are still people who go to university who look for proper relationships rather than small flings. I've known a fair few people who have managed to get themselves into relationships at university, including myself :tongue:

I've now been going out with my boyfriend for over a year.

Heck, I've had a lot more guys interested in getting into a relationship with me at university than I ever did have back at home. I guess it kind of depends on the people you meet and well, at university there is a massive diversity of people, so it quite often can be easier to find someone and not just on a night out for a pull, but for a relationship too :smile:

Reply 3

Georgiahoneybee

You get guys who just want to go out and pull, you get guys who want something more serious, you get guys who are already happily in relationships. Obviously the image of Uni is people going out getting absolutely hammered and sleeping with each other. And whilst that does happen, it's up to you whether that's what you want. It's certainly not what everyone wants. I was in a relationship throughout Uni so I never got involved in any of this, but plenty of my friends got together as couples- some worked out, some didn't. I think the thing is when people first arrive at Uni, they don't know anyone, so it's obviously quite "easy" to just sleep with different girls/guys they meet. But as time goes on and people get to know each other, that's when relationships are more likely to form!

Reply 4

systeric

For most guys university isn't actually the massive orgy it's hyped up to be.

Reply 5

hanasoph

It never really has entered conversation since starting uni. It's not the sort of thing I've heard people ask. However, seeing as you're not into the whole "lad" thing, the likelihood is is that you will attract like minded friends who aren't into going out "pulling" every other night either. I'm not into that scene and most of my uni friends I've made aren't either (though I am in a relationship).

Reply 6

Harrifer

Original post by Anonymous

Anyway, just from hearing from current students at work about how they regularly shag girls it's kinda making me nervous about the whole thing and that i'll be some weird reject if i dont get in on it

Probably 3/4 bull****. Young lads usually describe things as being far more than they actually are. I really wouldn't worry, the older you get the more you realise how similar everyone is. Other peoples lives are very rarely as exciting as they make out.

I wouldn't worry to much about the sex stuff either. I don't know what the % is, nobody does, but I'd imagine at least half of the freshers are virgins, maybe more.

Find a girl who you get along with on an emotional level, and start a relationship. By far the easiest and most pain-free method of losing your virginity.

Reply 7

username930845

That 'scene' of casual sex/ONS/generally out on the pull is out there for those who go looking for it. I think university just allows people to explore what they want - some want to experiment or have some casual fun; some are looking for something more serious, and some are looking for nothing at all.

To answer your question, there are plenty of options for 'free-love' as it were, but there are also plenty looking for something long term. You'll probably end up gravitating towards those who are like you, so you have nothing to worry about.

As has been said, things may seem to move rather quickly in the first year, particularly in the first weeks (Freshers' Week can be crazy), but soon settle down. Trust me, university is not the free, easily available orgiastic experience many hype it up to be; you really have to look for it if you want that.

Reply 8

username927016

Well all my mates are guys and they are just focusing on getting the best possible degree like me :wink:

Reply 9

hawki1989

I wouldn't worry, friend! Only you can make this a "big deal".
It's not really a 'issue' when you are there - not if you don't want it to be? Of course, if you want to tell people then you might get the odd comment from friends but that'll be it. Just be yourself, make friends and if something happens then, if you are comfortable, let it.

Reply 10

sassy123

Just lie and say you are not a virgin if it bothers that much its no ones buisness anyway.I would rather be with someone who does not sleep around at least you know they have not been around the block its rather offputting having someone who has been with a lot of people.

Reply 11

ufo_01

Decent people would respect you for being a virgin and wouldn't think that it weird or anything.

Reply 12

hennessybubbles

I was really surprised at how many people were not only virgins but hadn't ever kissed anyone before! it shouldnt be a problem- just take the plunge and go for it when you like someone- my biggest regret of my life is letting fear make me miss so many amazing opportunities I'll never get back...

I was fairly nervous when I got to uni- I wasn't a virgin but I'd only had sex twice.... and even more experienced people likely never had good sex... (especially girls!) .. and loads of people are immature/insecure/ idios/inexperience in all sorts of ways- uni should be an open and accepting environment where you can just enjoy experiencing new things and making mistakes and messing up- just make sure you enjoy it!

Reply 13

masterfulprof

There's a book "Guyland" by a sociologist, Kimmel, in which he details the pressure males are under at university. He talks about males being surrounded by this enormous expectation to have lots of sex, to demonstrate manhood by having lots of sex, to feel inadequate if the "numbers" aren't being met and so on. Most guys, he finds in his research, are not having sex with the frequency they pro-claim.

Girls, quite the opposite...with the pressure not to be seen as a slut or whore, they understate their experience. Usually, this experience is more than their SEBs.

However, don't let this fool you into thinking nobody is having sex. I do, with my cuties who are certainly ready to play. I don't need to enumerate the number or even talk to male undergrads about this, except anonymously here, so it doesn't figure in the social "pressure."

Reply 14

shezshez

If you're still a virgin in 20 years, you may start worrying about it.

Reply 15

shezshez

Original post by masterfulprof

Well Mr. Masterfulprof your anonymity is no more....

Reply 16

masterfulprof

I hope you aren't presuming I'm the Kimmel guy ... :erm:

You might embarrass yourself severely if you take home that unsupported conclusion. The book is quite interesting though.

Reply 17

Ortegas

Original post by Harrifer

You should hear him, he's right on this.

Don't believe in any dude in your Uni who claims to get laid constantly. Look at dudes who say nothing but have girls hanging around.

Getting into a relationship to have sex is one, this is better for you perhaps since you are a virgin and you do need to lose your V card to have a better understanding of your sexuality.

One of the best way is, if you have sufficient confidence and enough popularity, tell a girl you like with a deadpan face: You are a virgin and never have sex before. Then you start telling her more about your what you think of sex, fantasies and all that. Describing things both sensual and sexual and don't make it disgusting like porn. Describing your imagination on how you feel her skin to be, her lips, her hairs, how you gonna go down on her, how you gonna pin her.

If you do it right, she will go to the bathroom several times. But that's just my thought!

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 18

AidanLunn

Original post by ufo_01

Decent people would respect you for being a virgin and wouldn't think that it weird or anything.

Decent people wouldn't give a toss about whether he/she is a virgin or not.

Sex is just something to increase bonds in relationships, losing your virginity just for the sake of everyone else doing it "because it feels good" really isn't anything to waste time worrying over.