Do you love your parents?

My girlfriend brought something to my attention today: I don't love, nor feel any kind of affinity towards my parents. Is that... odd, unusual?

My parents have fed, clothed, educated me, and will continue to support me throughout my life until they or I die -- I know that for certain; that's who they are. Moreover, I'm very grateful for that support. But still, on no conscious level can I say, Gosh, I sure do love mum and dad. I imagine one afternoon the school secretary will walk into the classroom and inform me that my parents died in a tragic car accident that morning. I imagine myself shrugging, finishing the class until the bell goes, and going home to sort out funeral affairs, etc. -- Morbid, I know!

What, on some subconscious level do I love my parents? If, say, they were to die, would I suddenly go, Well whattaya' know? I did love my parents all along! at which point all the characters in-scene would laugh and the credits would roll to a jolly show-tune? No! Surely not! Shouldn't love be felt and consciously acknowledged? I've felt love, or at the very least strong attachment, among friends and partners. My parents are flawed (good lord how they're flawed...) but they are essentially decent human beings, so they are lovable...

I'd prefer it if I weren't cast off as an ungrateful sod because I can't love my parents when they give me everything, gave me life, etc., etc.... As I said, I am grateful for their generosity. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this. I'm marginally worried about it.


Thanks!

Did you read this part?



I know a mate who's practically in the same situation as you, and whilst she hasn't seen her dad in years and her mum is a 'massive control freak' (and can be incredibly unreasonable) - she still tries to make something of it, as much as possible. They don't have the best relationship, but at least they try to respect what each other want. I think that's the most important thing, even if the relationship between child and parent isn't the best thing going.

I'm not really allowed out. My parents tell me if I ever come home drunk/stay out too long/get a boyfriend/I don't call or text them about where I am often enough, they'll kick me out of the house. Most of my friends are the type who only go out to drink so I never really dare go along.

I'm living for my gap year though - 11 months in Hungary...FREEDOM!

See, that doesn't happen to me, she doesn't respect what I want so I just decide to do what I want anyway and forget her, so basically, I've had enough of trying, I'm just there because I don't have a place to live atm. If I go and live somewhere else and, that will cause my mum to fall out with that person which I don't want to do. So I have no choice.

Fair enough - I know with some people, there is no respect there. I wasn't aiming my post at you directly - I was just saying for anyone, if there is hope there, then try and make the most of it. I just know that after my mum died, there were some regrets there and even though I tried to do everything I could, nothing stops you from thinking you could have done more. When some people complain about the most trivial things to do with their parents, it often peeves me off because whether they die in a few months, years or decades from now, you do see the world in a very different way. But obviously your situation and mine are two completely different things.

Felt that I had to comment on your post becuase you are JUST like me, im 19 year old girl not allowed a boyfriend, not allowed to drink my mum expects me to text her the whole time im out and I have a curfew of 12pm also I read about what your dad did, my dad did that to when they thought I had an eating disorder he dragged me by my hair and mum chucked me out in my pjs in the rain and locked me out. Im on a gap year now but I wasnt allowed to go away im still stuck here in an odd morphed way im so glad that somebody else has parents like this I try to explain to my friends im not allowed out as my parents wont let me and all I get is 'your 19 you can do what you want' which clearly I cant.

It's awful I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In a strange way I agree though, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this. I also have the same problem with friends not understanding - they all haven't had curfews or rules since they were about 12.

As for my gap year, my parents were trying to force me to go to a university nearby so I could live at home. I knew I had to do something to avoid it, so I called an organisation in secret and arranged everything for a gap year, then applied for deferred entry to 5 universities as far away as possible.

I told them about all this while my grandparents and some family friends were there so they had to act happy. I got a lot of grief and a slap later on but because they acted so happy in front of family and friends, they can't force me to cancel anything or threaten to kick me out without attracting awkward questions. They still don't know that I'm going out of the country for 11 months though, else I know they would do something to stop me.

Do they tell you they love you?

My husband and his mother are like that. They love each other, but they never ever say it. I remember about 5 years ago my husband had an urge to tell his mother that he loves her, and it took him about two months to pluck up the guts to tell her. When he finally told her she was flabbergasted. She said it back, and asked him if he was ill or something lol.
They've not said it since.

I tell my mother I love her every time I speak to her. Same for my dad. And I tell my kids (and they tell me) about 27359723598234 times a day haha. I can't imagine not telling them that I love them, or vice versa.

I love my parents but you know you get those people who are close with their parents and talk to them about stuff? I've never been like that. I've never asked them for advice on relationships, bullying, racism, friendships, anything like that. My sister is the one who talks to them a lot, I don't really but then I've never ever been like that. I don't try to do it I just react how I feel comfortable. When my nan died I was just very private and didn't say anything.

It feels awkward for me to talk to my parents like that or tell them I love them. I don't know why.