Welll I have a passion for what I'm doing, i wouldn't do anything else - but I've had it ripped out of me. Day by Day, Crit By Crit.
Creativity, Sensitivity, Passion, Ambition - all these qualities I hold, but each one has been ripped out of me.
I wanted an amazing project, I had the passion, but the project I have has been changed so much it isn't even mine anymore. It's just a product of old men and flippant comments; and a lack of desire to experiment.
We become slaves to the academic machine, focused on producing meaningless results on our transcripts (Get a good mark mentality - regardless whether it is integral or not). Eventually everyone just 'accepts' that 'it's the way of things' and continues the insane hours.
My project is crap tbh. But I'm not alone, everyone seems un-satisfied.
And its not my fault - this may seem that I am simply shifting the responsibility because I'm too proud to admit that I was reponsible for its its creation.
But it's quite the opposite, I believe I could be so much better if I was taught properly. - I believe everyone could be so much better if the system was different.
I am copying out 'management' forms at the moment, and doing 'risk assesment'. This isn't 'architecture' - it's just legislation / total crap.
I hope things will change when I do my year out. I worked less hours in Restaurants, and got more satisfaction from the product. 13/hour days in top gastro establishments are far more satisfying than cadding, you use you're hands enjoy the smell, the feel, and the pace of things. Rather than just die of sheer boredom, spewing out DWG's. Cooking is a sensual experience - architecture, within the current educational process; isn't.
No one I know is actually happy. We all get fixated in 'glamourous architect' titles, and lose touch with what the reality is . We feel that we have to start proving to ourselves, our parents, or whoever - that we can achieve the title - all in all it becomes a really one dimensional student experience.
I have a thirst to do stuff, like mountain biking, travelling, painting, - can I do all of these?... I think not. I have to serve my architecture prison sentence.
Leaving seems soft - almost like admitting failure. I dislike apathetic student mentality, so I'll stick it out. If you're going to invest so much time and money in it - you may aswell earn the title, aside from all the crap - I'm capable of earning it - so I should put my money where my mouth is. It all means very little, my designs are not what I believe in, they are merely the subject of the system.
What depresses me most is the fact that we are led to believe that the course is a good fertile growing ground for our creativity; for gaining a sense of things - the reality is very different - You have every bit of creativity diluted out of you until you are nothing but processed cheese - by the end you have no flavour.
Ah well, only a few more years of porridge to serve.