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I get seriously obsessed with people - Why am I like this and how can I get better?

MUST be kept anon or deleted, thanks.

Ok, don't be too freaked out by this, some parts are weird.

I never realised how bad I was, until recently when I entered a relationship with someone I liked. I always knew since I was young that I had issues with getting obsessed with people. I don't mean just liking someone, but falling madly in love with them, regardless of their gender, and having a desire to know more and more about them, to be part of their lives, to grab their attention and to control them so they noticed me.

There have been numerous times when this happened, growing up - I would become obsessed with other people my age, and want to be them, want to have their lives, and disregard my own. Then there were some bad cases, where I may have seen someone perhaps on holiday, spotted them, never made contact, but followed their moves, checked where they were, if they had noticed me - then it would take me months to get over them. They would occupy my thoughts all the time, to the point that concentration became difficult - and this was at the age of only 15 - on this particular occasion, after I got home from holiday, I became so overwhelmed with obsession over the target, that I rang the hotel pretending to be a family member of the target to try and get the family name (I worked out my target's first name) and then try to track down their address and home number...

Now I am 20, and started seeing someone a few months ago on and off...I quickly became badly obsessed with them, I developed a tunnel vision where my every thought was them. I could not bring myself to revise for my university exams because this person occupied my thoughts so much, I wanted to know EVERYTHING about them, their whereabouts, and would often feel overwhelmed when they showed interest me. Despite the fact we have had sex and see eachother regularly, I still feel a burning desire to want to control them and force them to love me as much as I love and am obsessed with them. It's so overwhelming, at times it has made me emotional, which is rare for me, and I have found it difficult to function normally on a social level.

None of my friends know about my problem - I am just normal to them. But behind this verneer of confidence and sureness, I am a deeply sad and troubled person, I know this. I am just DESPERATE for the person I am in love with to love me the same way and to return the passion and obsession I have for them. They are never out of my thoughts.

I feel like I am slowly losing my grip over them - they are becomign distant and their texts/messages to me have become increasingly erratic and unpredictable.

Part of me wants me to force myself to just end it - but the thought of doing so makes me want to cry and curl up and die. I can't let go of this person; after so many obsessions with people, finally someone is at least partially interested in me! But I am leaving this town next month for good and will be leaving them behind and I'm not really even in a relationship with them- we're just seeing eachother.

How can I get better? I just have this crushing feeling that my obsessive problem with people is going to haunt and follow me for the rest of my life. I don't want to feel like this forever.

I also have no idea of the cause for my behaviour - why am I like this? :frown:

I have a feeling it may have something to do with being socially rejected a LOT when I was a young child, and constantly feeling worthless and inferior to other children. I also experienced the traumatic and sudden death of a best friend and soulmate at the age of 15.

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Reply 1

ttaw

I am not the type to offer emotional reassurance, indeed the most effective way through the medium of this forum is to simply say 'You'll get over it be strong'. I can foresee a torrent of more elaborate versions of that sentence.

What I can offer in the way of help is this advice: research 'de Clerambault's syndrome'. Evaluate, then see a doctor who can refer you to the right professional.

Take care.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I don't believe I have the disorder you mentioned - I don't believe my targets love ME. I usually develop an unhealthy obsession with the target.

Reply 3

whitepearlbaby

Are you unhappy with your life? Have you had problems in the past? Have you lost a parent?

EDIT: just read the last sentences. Yeah it may have to do with that. You should see someone and tell them everything about what happened at that age and what you felt. Get it off your heart.

Reply 4

alenax

That's scary. Really scary. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist ASAP.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

whitepearlbaby

Are you unhappy with your life? Have you had problems in the past? Have you lost a parent?

I haven't lost a parent, but as I said, I have lost people in the past who were dearly close to me.

I would say I have been unhappy in life, sometimes overwhelmingly so. Generally feeling unwanted and rejected whilst growing up. Now I am 20, and at university, I became much more accpeted, and loved and a lot has happened this year, but I still find myself troubled by my obsessions over people.

NOTE - This is NOT OCD - I do not have obsessive compulsions, just obsessions with certain people.

Reply 6

smellslikemarmite

ttaw

OP does not have erotomania.
Erotomania is when the person believes that other people are in love with them - where the OP claims she/he is in love with other people. Wrong way around chum.

See a doctor OP. You're taking tiny meaningless signs to try and force your affection on someone who you might not even like that much. This is insecurity at it's worst.

Reply 7

LeonBurton

To be honest I would advise visiting a doctor. I think you need professional help with this - there is nothing that I or anyone on this forum can say to help you with this.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

smellslikemarmite

See a doctor OP. You're taking tiny meaningless signs to try and force your affection on someone who you might not even like that much. This is insecurity at it's worst.

I accept that - in the past, most of the people I have developed an unhealthy interest with, I have never had any one on one contact with.

But the person I am fascinated with at the moment, has had a lot of one on one contact with me. We kiss, we have sex, we do stuff together. I felt I was falling in love, but now I realise I may not have actually been falling in love with this person at all, rather some sort of illusion...

Reply 9

carlosb

My ex was like that, and that's why I broke up with her. And even though we're not together anymore, she still can't leave me alone.

Reply 10

LooksLikeJesus

Anonymous

I felt I was falling in love, but now I realise I may not have actually been falling in love with this person at all, rather some sort of illusion...

Maybe that's a sign that you're getting over it?

I used to be obsessive (although not to that extent) but I kinda forced it outta me when I saw how much damage it was doing (find other things to do). Now I'm nowhere near as bad as I was.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

LooksLikeJesus

I don't know, I'd never been liked by someone romantically before, although I have been told I am a very good looking person, I just never put myself out there. Then, I did put myself out there, something happened, and I went crazy for the person.

Do you think I actually like them, or am I just so insecure about myself I am becoming obsessive? I am going to live abroad for a year in August for various reasons, do you think once I leave I will be able to forget about this person?

I worry I will just find a new person to obsess over and the cycle will continue endlessly. It's so overwhelming, I can't describe the feeling of not being able to stop thinking about someone and wanting to control their love for me and force them to love me.

Reply 12

LooksLikeJesus

Anonymous

Do you think I actually like them, or am I just so insecure about myself I am becoming obsessive? I am going to live abroad for a year in August for various reasons, do you think once I leave I will be able to forget about this person?

I worry I will just find a new person to obsess over and the cycle will continue endlessly. It's so overwhelming, I can't describe the feeling of not being able to stop thinking about someone and wanting to control their love for me and force them to love me.

Well, only you can say whether or not you like them. You just said you weren't sure, so maybe it's time to think it over? If it's your choice to leave then there's no reason why you can't forget about it - you just have to let yourself forget.

Perhaps the problem is that you're just used to obsessing? I don't know, I'm just a cat.... :woo:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

LooksLikeJesus

I thought I liked them, I thought I was in love with them. But now I think it over, I was obsessed with them because I saw so many things in them that I want for myself... focus, doing a good degree, drive, good looks, intelligence and kindness. I wanted to possess these qualities for myself.

Reply 14

LooksLikeJesus

Anonymous

Well you've been told you're good looking. You must be pretty intelligent to be at uni, too :smile:

Need to focus on what you have, and no doubt those things are good :yes:

Reply 15

Hathlan

I empathize. Not that that helps.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Hathlan

I empathize. Not that that helps.

How can you empathise with me?

Reply 17

hermy

I think you need to see someone about this...go to your doctor and asked to be refered to someone with experience in that area with obsessive disorders.

Reply 18

Botticello

I've been through phases like this, nowhere near as extreme to your situation or lengths, but it has happened. You should talk to a professional who is used to forms of obsessive behaviour and wont judge you.