Will this happen in a relationship?

Ok, I often think that what is holding me back from meeting a girl is the fact I always have this thing where I want the girl to be perfect. By this I mean will have the same interests, views as me and love me for who I am, and the same for me. Yet I am often told that differences are good, not strong ones, but just some. So, it got me thinking that I want a girl who would come on short trips to France with me over the weekend or something, just catch the ferry and drive for a bit. Anyway, if a girl originally doesn't seem interested, would she do it for me and come anyway and see if she enjoys it, and then again next year sort of thing? Or would I basically have to just say "Ok, see you in a few days"? I just would love someone that is up for doing anything I would like to do occasionally, so interact with my interests, yet want her to be excited for it too! I hope this isn't too stupid, I haven't had a serious relationship since my mid-teens!

Reply 1

hali0112

Original post by Jsee

I think the attitude you have can be slightly unhealthy. You need to be more open minded or else you won't meet someone that you like. I think it's the differences in a person are what make a relationship work. You can learn from eachother and that way you can learn more about yourself and broaden your horizens. If you expect her to like what you like, you must be willing to like what she likes. A relationship goes two ways. Not just your way. Also if you have the same interests conversation will get boring. My boyfriend and I have very different interests and I like it when he tells me about things that I don't know about. That way I learn something new and it's interesting. Our opinions vary and that spices things up a bit. Also travelling with your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't happen just like that. It takes time to establish a connection with someone and want to travel with them and share your adventures with them. That will only come after you have gotten to know her a bit.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 2

Miss O.C.D

Original post by Jsee

I honestly don't think it's too hard to find a girl who's excited about going on weekend trips to France! There are loads of adventurous girls around; so even if she was apprehensive to begin with, I doubt she'd say no to a 'trial holiday' (it is a holiday after all!) And if she does decline, to that and any other activities to do with your interests, are you sure you really want to be with her?

It's true you will never get complete perfection; but you don't want someone who completely disregards something you're passionate about/interested in either (this goes both ways)

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 3

Jammie_x

Original post by Jsee

TBH, i would love to go on weekend trips to France! there are so many times to explore that you never get bored and they say its the city of 'love'. however, there is no such thing as the 'perfect girl'. Unfortunately, there are perks and disadvantages of everyone. As someone said above, you should be less picky. Get out there and meet someone! :smile:

you might find out you will like them more because of their imperfections :smile:

Reply 4

Lucia.

Original post by Jsee

Ok, I often think that what is holding me back from meeting a girl is the fact I always have this thing where I want the girl to be perfect.

Well it's good that you've identified this issue. That's the first step in personal development.

Original post by Jsee

By this I mean will have the same interests, views as me and love me for who I am, and the same for me. Yet I am often told that differences are good, not strong ones, but just some.

Having the same interests is not essential. You only have to share a few which are particularly important to you. What's essential though is that you share similar motivations in life, similar values and perspectives on what is important. You have to some degree be at a similar stage in life. You have to want the same out of life.

Different interests are good. It means that there's more to discover. It's important that each person develops their distinct interests outside the relationship so that you have something to talk about.

Finally, it's about complementary qualities. You don't want someone who thinks exactly like you do. That will lead to a stale relationship. The best relationships are where you learn something from the other person, and where you balance each other out. Polarity is a strong factor in attraction.

I highlighted one point. Don't go out looking for that. That's not something you look for; that's a given of being deeply in love with someone. Slow down - don't go all out at once.

Original post by Jsee

So, it got me thinking that I want a girl who would come on short trips to France with me over the weekend or something, just catch the ferry and drive for a bit.

I doubt it would be difficult to find a girlfriend who would happily do that. A good girlfriend would be open-minded and interested in finding out about what you enjoy. It's a normal couple activity to introduce each other to something new. It's organic. Cross that bridge when it happens. Take your interactions with women one step at a time. Don't get ahead of yourself and worry about that kind of thing.

You are probably looking for perfection in a partner because you haven't found it in yourself yet. Make sure you go into a relationship with a clear head.