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Am I the only one who thinks this is absurd??

I was talking to a couple of friends from today. One of them told me that he got a 3 week extension for his essay deadline because he broke up with his girlfriend just before the deadline!

Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong? My other friend was defending him, saying they had been together for along time and that he was really upset.

I can understand if he had clinical depression, but is just being upset over a break up a good enough excuse to get extra time??

We're supposed to be adults. How will people like him survive in the real world. You won't going to get time off work for this kind of think, would you??

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Reply 1
Avatar for roh
roh
17
Which uni is this?

At ours you only get an extension in that circumstance if you are engaged, married (from what I remember of the opening talk) or can prove clinical depression, which may be provoked by the break up (which falls into another category altogether really). Personally I thought that seemed a bit harsh if you'd been in a long term relationship, particularly given it's not going to just happen overnight and likely been distracting you for a week or two at least.

That may not be the real reason if your friend doesn't want people to know if they actually have clinical depression, particularly if they're self harming or something.
(edited 11 years ago)
What's it to you? What a great friend you are, going on a public forum and complaining about him.
Reply 3
Avatar for Pitt1988
Pitt1988
15
People don't deal with things that well. Are you sure you're not just jealous because you would have liked some extra time?

I've heard of squaddies being allowed back from Afghanistan when a partner has broken up with them. If it's something that will make you lose focus and be detrimental to your standard of work then why not?
Reply 4
Avatar for moonietoot
moonietoot
Original post by Theoneoranro
What's it to you? What a great friend you are, going on a public forum and complaining about him.


Being person A's friend doesn't necessarily mean you have to support everything they do.
Have you ever been ina serious long term relationship that'd ended OP?
Original post by Pitt1988
People don't deal with things that well. Are you sure you're not just jealous because you would have liked some extra time?

I've heard of squaddies being allowed back from Afghanistan when a partner has broken up with them. If it's something that will make you lose focus and be detrimental to your standard of work then why not?


I go to a different uni and do a different course, so it's not about being jealous! I'm just surprised that his uni allowed that.

Being in Afghanistan and being at uni are slightly different, no?
Original post by Agenda Suicide
Have you ever been ina serious long term relationship that'd ended OP?


Yes I have. In fact it ended in May, just before my final year exams.
Original post by roh
Which uni is this?

At ours you only get an extension in that circumstance if you are engaged, married (from what I remember of the opening talk) or can prove clinical depression, which may be provoked by the break up (which falls into another category altogether really). Personally I thought that seemed a bit harsh if you'd been in a long term relationship, particularly given it's not going to just happen overnight and likely been distracting you for a week or two at least.

That may not be the real reason if your friend doesn't want people to know if they actually have clinical depression, particularly if they're self harming or something.


Like I said, it's completely understandable if you have clinical depression. But he insists he's coping fine and hasn't been to the doctors. Surely you would need a note from your GP as evidence to hand in to your uni?
Original post by I love shopping
Yes I have. In fact it ended in May, just before my final year exams.


And you didn't feel this affected you at all?

If not I question your commitment or actual care about the relationship, or maybe I can applaud your ability to be one of the very few people in this world that can be fine straight away after something like that.

Either way, if something effected you performance, and you knew it, wouldn't you try for something to?

I sense jealousy, bit of anger because you feel hard done by, but when this stuff happens, it really hurts and I can totally empathise.

So no, it's not absurd.
Original post by Theoneoranro
What's it to you? What a great friend you are, going on a public forum and complaining about him.


I'm not complaining about him. I'm questioning the decision of the uni.
Do not underestimate the emotional upheaval caused by relationship breakdown. It can seriously **** people up for a while.

It would be up to an employer if they would give time off for such a thing, but a degree is not the same as employment in the sense that decreased performance at work can be mitigated by supportive colleagues and doesn't necessarily have a particularly acute impact. The manager/director/whoever is in charge can move people around, change work loads and help make sure everything runs fairly smoothly if someone is going through a tough time. If someone is underperforming during their degree, that can make a huge difference to one person for a very long time, not to mention potentially lead to thousands of pounds being wasted due to a short period of upheaval.
Reply 12
Avatar for Pitt1988
Pitt1988
15
Original post by I love shopping
I go to a different uni and do a different course, so it's not about being jealous! I'm just surprised that his uni allowed that.

Being in Afghanistan and being at uni are slightly different, no?


The principle of being allowed extra time and/or time away remains.
Original post by I love shopping


Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?


I am sure that you are not the only one who thinks this is wrong

However, I am with the majority on this thread ... a break up can cause stress/distress/inability to concentrate and in extreme cases depression


In response to your point re work ... yes, I have certainly known people who have been signed off by their doctor following relationship break ups
Reply 14
Avatar for roh
roh
17
Original post by I love shopping
Like I said, it's completely understandable if you have clinical depression. But he insists he's coping fine and hasn't been to the doctors. Surely you would need a note from your GP as evidence to hand in to your uni?


At mine we would so far as I'm aware yes.

Much as ours sounds harsh, and is in my opinion, I think the problem is that where do you draw the limit? 6 months? 1 year? 2? How do you prove you were really in a relationship for that long? And people are affected by relationships differently, a very intense 3 month relationship may affect people when it ends more than a year or 2 of on-off friends with benefits sort of thing.

It's nice of your uni to do it (as you don't have to be clinically depressed to be very upset), but I can see how it may be open to exploitation, just as it seems harsh of mine but at least they know such a rule isn't being abused.
Original post by Agenda Suicide
And you didn't feel this affected you at all?

If not I question your commitment or actual care about the relationship, or maybe I can applaud your ability to be one of the very few people in this world that can be fine straight away after something like that.

Either way, if something effected you performance, and you knew it, wouldn't you try for something to?

I sense jealousy, bit of anger because you feel hard done by, but when this stuff happens, it really hurts and I can totally empathise.

So no, it's not absurd.


Of course it affected me. But what was I supposed to do? Pull out of my exams? I tried doing the best I could do under the circumstances.

Like I said before, why would I be jealous? I do a different course at a different uni.
Original post by roh
At mine we would so far as I'm aware yes.

Much as ours sounds harsh, and is in my opinion, I think the problem is that where do you draw the limit? 6 months? 1 year? 2? How do you prove you were really in a relationship for that long? And people are affected by relationships differently, a very intense 3 month relationship may affect people when it ends more than a year or 2 of on-off friends with benefits sort of thing.

It's nice of your uni to do it (as you don't have to be clinically depressed to be very upset), but I can see how it may be open to exploitation, just as it seems harsh of mine but at least they know such a rule isn't being abused.



I don't go to the same uni as him. Mine is quite harsh about things like that. Apparently death of a grand parent doesn't count as a mitigating circumstance! My grand parents live abroad. I needed at least 10 days off to go back to my home country for my grandma's funeral. but I couldn't because they wouldn't let me miss my exams.

I do agree with the point you make about people abusing the fact the university trusts their students so much!
Original post by TenOfThem
I am sure that you are not the only one who thinks this is wrong

However, I am with the majority on this thread ... a break up can cause stress/distress/inability to concentrate and in extreme cases depression


In response to your point re work ... yes, I have certainly known people who have been signed off by their doctor following relationship break ups


Yes, I do agree with your point. But he didn't go the doctors. He just spoke to his tutor. Like someone else said, people could misuse this level of trust.
Reply 18
Avatar for roh
roh
17
Original post by I love shopping
I don't go to the same uni as him. Mine is quite harsh about things like that. Apparently death of a grand parent doesn't count as a mitigating circumstance! My grand parents live abroad. I needed at least 10 days off to go back to my home country for my grandma's funeral. but I couldn't because they wouldn't let me miss my exams.

I do agree with the point you make about people abusing the fact the university trusts their students so much!


Wow that is tough!

Yeah, I'm not saying your friend is abusing it and his tutor could have had him sobbing for a couple of hours as proof it really was affecting him, but it is open to that.
Absurd, eh?



:getmecoat:

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