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I wish I'd had a long term relationship in high school

You know, one of those year long (at least) things at 16, 17... just seems to be the normal way of doing things. Getting all the sexual stuff out of the way in a steady environment, giving you an idea of what to expect from future boyfriends in terms of commitment.

The being single/in and out of "fling-y" type relationships for so long seems to have screwed me up. I was a commitmentphobe, and now that the first proper semi-longish (4 month) term relationship I had is over I just feel like I'm going to go back to the old ways.

It seems weird to be 18 and never have experienced all that stuff "properly."

Reply 1

member64211

11

BlueRoses

You know, one of those year long (at least) things at 16, 17... just seems to be the normal way of doing things. Getting all the sexual stuff out of the way in a steady environment, giving you an idea of what to expect from future boyfriends in terms of commitment.

The being single/in and out of "fling-y" type relationships for so long seems to have screwed me up. I was a commitmentphobe, and now that the first proper semi-longish (4 month) term relationship I had is over I just feel like I'm going to go back to the old ways.

It seems weird to be 18 and never have experienced all that stuff "properly."

I know how you feel, but there's no reason to give up. I've been in a steady relationship for 18 months now where before I didn't have much like that.

Reply 2

Gourdman

Yeah, I agree, it's the kind of thing that would have been useful to sort all that stuff out whilst younger, rather than making a terrible hash of things with later relationships.

Ah well,too late now. Unless you want to go have a relationship with someone still in highschool, but that's slightly creepy.

Reply 3

BlueRoses

OP

14

I think I just felt there was a lot of pressure to rush things because of my age, that most people work through steadily in their LTRs. And ow I'm too old for that. I know that's silly, but it was just the way things seemd in my head.

Reply 4

nanananabatman

10

I didn't have a relationship in high school. I have one now at uni. Go figure.

Patience, sweetheart, that's what you need.

Reply 5

Guru Sauce

It is not weird at all.. I wish people.. young people especially.. stopped seeing relationships as competition.. or comparisons..

Things in relationships do not change much over time.. in fact.. I had partners that were more mature at 18 than some a lot older!! So you can expect roughly the same.. whatever time you date someone.. All that changes is age and maybe children.. but a lot of people are parents young now too.. so even that not so much!

I never had my first seriously relationship until I was 18 also.. I always saw the rest of my teenage years as having fun with my friends.. I do not know if I really wanted to commit myself to someone that young.. sometimes I think even 18 was too soon!

Just enjoy yourself blueroses.. there is no use worrying about the past.. you will be fine..

Reply 6

BlueRoses

OP

14

nanananabatman

I didn't have a relationship in high school. I have one now at uni. Go figure.

Patience, sweetheart, that's what you need.

Did you take things at a high school pace?

Reply 7

steelmole

10

Trying to standardize relationships like that doesn't really work, though I can see how you would want some good steady experience. I don't really think properly is much to hope for, everyone has such a different time with relationships.

Reply 8

username234673

17

I didn't have a [proper] relationship 'til I'd left high school. It didn't bother me really, it shouldn't bother you either!

Reply 9

blinkbelle

17

I kind of wish I never had my relationship in High School, it turned into the most controlling, destructive time of my life and left me really emotionally vulnerable and damaged. But then again, I wouldn't be the person I am today and thus wouldn't be with the most amazing lovely guy I am with now :smile:

xxx

Reply 10

ccharlyy

9

And it seems wierd to get to 20 and suddenly be single and realise you've never really been single.I think this is worse actually, because you have no idea how to act around single people, and no idea how to be single if you haven't been single since you were 15!!
Swings and roundabouts.
Which ever you do, you'll find it weird that you didn't experience the other yet.

Reply 11

BeautifullyTragic

13

ccharlyy

And it seems wierd to get to 20 and suddenly be single and realise you've never really been single.I think this is worse actually, because you have no idea how to act around single people, and no idea how to be single if you haven't been single since you were 15!!
Swings and roundabouts.
Which ever you do, you'll find it weird that you didn't experience the other yet.

Omg this is me! I've had 4 exes, who I went out with for a year/year and a half each, straight from one into the other since I was 14. I love my current boyfriend, but the thought slightly scares me...

Reply 12

ThirstyForTea

1

Sometimes that's just how it goes.

Reply 13

jenren22

1

Well i did have a 6 month relationship in year 11 but when i look back i wish i hadn't have bothered cos he was a right pillock, although i didn't realise how badly he treated me at the time. But then again, if i hadn't have had that i wouldn't be the person i am now in a very stable long term relationship.

Thing is when you're in school because you're not 'experienced' with that kind of thing you tend to just obsess over said person and waste your lives running after them than having fun with your friends. I spent most of my childhood around horses, that was my passion. I didn't start dating properly until university.

Just don't worry about it. There are no deadlines to this. To be honest the best time to settle down in a long term relationships is when you settle in a career, but that hardly ever happens.

Reply 14

Stu Laverty

15

It'll come eventually don't worry.

Tbh, I'm still in my Relationship from High School, even today while she's not there :smile:

Reply 15

Malsy

18

Trust me; I wish I'd done other things in relation to school than that.(i.e i have worser ''regrets'')

Reply 16

nanananabatman

10

BlueRoses

Did you take things at a high school pace?

Actually, yes. I thought he'd rush me into bed and be gone before the sun came up. But no, he's still here. I didn't think gentlemen still existed past the age of, I dunno, 18 :p:

. I do get what you mean about wanting to get it all over and done with during high school, but I had a 6 month relationship around that time and it's very different to the one I have now. I can't explain, but it didn't exactly "prepare" me for future relationships, if that makes sense? Cos everyday's a new day, regardless of how many relationships I've been in. You just don't know what to expect.

Reply 17

Nalced

14

i'm 19, uni, no long term relationship. woman seem to hate me or maybe i'm just not bf material.

Reply 18

frank01277779

1

BlueRoses

You know, one of those year long (at least) things at 16, 17... just seems to be the normal way of doing things. Getting all the sexual stuff out of the way in a steady environment, giving you an idea of what to expect from future boyfriends in terms of commitment.

I know what you mean in a way, I had this, but at the same time I wish I didn't have a girlfriend through all of sixth form. Should've concentrated on fun/friends/still playing sport, etc. but basically wasted it with a girl...

At the age it's very very unlikely it's going to last forever so you may as well be single, etc.

Probably just proves that whichever choice you make, you'll miss out on something...

Reply 19

xKarinx

12

I got into my first proper relationship right at the end of year 11, and we're still together now 3 1/2 years later :smile:

I'm glad I didn't have any other proper relationships while I was at school, because i've learned everything with my boyfriend and it makes everything even more special

I wish I'd had a long term relationship in high school

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