Do you like being approached by guys in the daytime?

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If someone is staring at you and you wish they would either talk to you or stop staring, you could maybe ... talk to them?

Nah, it's the principle of the thing. It's rude to stare; it's just a societal convention. Like letting a door slam in someone's face - yeah, you can just open it yourself, but it's not really the point. It's about treating people with respect ... staring is disrespectful. If they're interested, it's up to them to find a more polite way to express that interest.

Reply 61

Gob Bluth

This should be polled. And for vice versa as well. Would be an interesting study especially if you carried it out in other countries as well. Could show the different ways of lives.

Honestly, i would like it, but i might find it a bit odd, depends on what was said tbh i guess. But would i do it? Doubt i would have the guts, but being on the doorstep of a city i probably could do it lol - The fear of rejection would get to many though hence why not many probably do it. But i would agree actually to a point this is a much nicer way to approach people you like rather than clubs. And our culture seems to be gripped with drinking and clubbing as the way to talk to people and get to know new people, so it's a shame actually that this might not happen more.

Tip: If you dress well and do your hair well or something (aka don't make yourself look chavvy or a **** in general) i'm sure a lot of people might get success from this. If you don't believe you can do it, well you won't do it. Everything is confidence at the end of the day, if you don't have it you won't get on well with life. You only live once :smile:

Reply 62

Hooj

It doesn't work over here cus American Pie ain't real.

Reply 63

jenny.chu

yeah it's much more genuine than getting a drunken touch up/hit on by a guy in a club.

Reply 64

Pastpresentandfuture

Original post by Hooj

It doesn't work over here cus American Pie ain't real.

American pies are real :yep:

Reply 65

Miss Behaving

LOL yeah British guys don't tend to approach, they stare. I had a Romanian guy give me his number about a week ago though. It was quite flattering, and I suppose I did flirt with him a bit lol, so that's probably why he was confident enough to give me it.

Reply 66

noobynoo

If you want to be approached by random strangers on the street go live in Italy. Someone who approaches random strangers on the street is almost the definition of "sleazy".

There's loads of reasons why we don't talk to random girls on the street.

1) They might have a boyfriend
2) They might want to walk down the street in peace without being harassed.
3) What you going to talk about?

Whereas, for example, you are at a Spice Girls gig or something. You can say "Oh, so you are into the spice girls, me too. lets go on a date." Or if you are both at your flower arranging lesson you can say "We have so much in common us both liking flower arranging." What you going to say to someone on the street. "Hello... I notice we both like walking down this street."??? Get real.

BTW. I am assuming thats what you mean by day time. Lots of people in the day time ask their workmates out or their schoolmates out and so on. what you talking about? Where else do you go during the day? To the dentist? DO you want your dentist to ask you out? Are you crazy?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 67

IQ Test

It might be because during the day they may have other things they need to do without you knowing, and I wouldn't want to interrupt someone.

Reply 68

noobynoo

Hang on a minute!!!! You're a 17 year old girl who wants an older man (like Paul McKenna or Lemmy from Motorhead) to approach her in a shopping centre.

If I was your dad I'd lock you in your bedroom and throw away the key!!

YOU ARE NUTS IN THE HEAD YOUNG LADY!!!!

Reply 69

alphaeta08

I actually like it, and it happens fairly often (but then again, I live in the U.S.). It's more flattering than being approached at night because the guy (hopefully) isn't drunk and it shows he's probably genuinely interested.

As far as cultural differences, it's funny because I heard that from a guy I hung out with in London. He said he didn't go up to many girls because they tended to be rude to him. I'm sure that's not indicative of the majority. Maybe it's a city thing (in which case, there are rude people in all big cities), I don't know. I do know that it would never occur to me or my friends to be mean to a guy just because he asked us out or whatever. 90% of the time, I'll at least go on a date with a guy because he was nice enough to ask. There's no harm in one date, and it might be fun! It must be scary to approach girls, and unless the guy is strange/dangerous/a criminal, I'll give him a chance. If he does freak me out, I'll make a believable excuse to get out of the situation. No need to hurt the guy's feelings. :frown:

Reply 70

noobynoo

England doesn't have a dating culture in the same way as the USA where you can date lots of men at once at not mean anything by it.

Reply 71

A_master

There is no doubt about the fact that it's a cultural thing. UK females are invariably far more rude than girls from other places, and far less willing to engage in decent conversation.

Having said that, I was out a few weeks back with a friend and we ended up chatting to two American girls, who were the rudest, snidiest people we had ever spoken to. There was just nothing about them that was appealing, but I don't want to generalise because I've chatted to some great American girls too.

Reply 72

saddlers17

I do it quite a lot. Although only at the right times, wouldn't do it in the middle of the street, if they had a friend with them or they look stressed/busy. Say if they were sitting down in a cafe or something like that, I go over and ask "may I join you?". Besides what's the worst they're going to say, "no?"

Although i've had a girl say "F**k off you creep!", but I count her as her having a bad day and a one off.

Most girls are nice people and are unlikely to tell you to go away in an impolite manner, and if they reject you, it's usually a "I'm sorry but i..etc." If you see a girl who you find attractive, grow some balls and go talk to them! :biggrin:

Reply 73

beecher

no i don't like it when guys approach my in the daytime because i am a guy and completely straight (i think????????)

Reply 74

damos92

I've approached a few randomers and from it have garnered one date and a cigarette lighter, which i then sold for bus fare.

Pays to be brave.

Reply 75

James Gregory

Original post by alphaeta08

As far as cultural differences, it's funny because I heard that from a guy I hung out with in London. He said he didn't go up to many girls because they tended to be rude to him. I'm sure that's not indicative of the majority. Maybe it's a city thing (in which case, there are rude people in all big cities), I don't know. I do know that it would never occur to me or my friends to be mean to a guy just because he asked us out or whatever. 90% of the time, I'll at least go on a date with a guy because he was nice enough to ask. There's no harm in one date, and it might be fun! It must be scary to approach girls, and unless the guy is strange/dangerous/a criminal, I'll give him a chance. If he does freak me out, I'll make a believable excuse to get out of the situation. No need to hurt the guy's feelings. :frown:

If the above is even vaguely representative of girls in the US, then the answer is right there - the reason that men are more likely to approach girls in the US rather than the UK may well be just that in the US there is a better chance of it leading to a date. It is not that UK men are especially cowardly, they are just acting logically given the circumstances.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 76

mrnightcat

Original post by Meus

Most people complain when they don't get their mail during the day. You're complaining that you're not getting enough flattery compliments from male admirers during the day, because that's when you prefer it. Everyone likes to be complimented, but we don't advertise it outwardly when a stereotype of girls is that they're egotistical or big headed. It doesn't give a good impression. :dontknow:

You've approached guys just to have a chat or get their number? One of the difficult parts about this for guys is that when you approach a girl it immediately becomes obvious to everyone, including her, that you're courting her. The fact that she knows it and you're there to get her number. When you're approaching someone at campus or school, it is easier because you'll see them often and so you can just make an impression and introduce yourself the first time. But when it's someone outside, someone you won't see again, you throw the dice. And naturally, girls aren't comfortable in giving you their details unless you completely bewitch them. Most guys aren't capable of such impressive feats, and so you have a terrible walk of retreat to endure. Rejections aren't a result of him, but the environment also. However, you can't always choose your time or place and this is the most common example; guys who are acting weird or 'do it wrong' doesn't mean they are creeps, but simply took a gamble. In anything, it shows their courage to even attempt an embarrassing approach.

From a personal point of view, I hope the girl isn't the type to just give her number after being sweet talked by what seems like a nice guy. He doesn't want your number to exchange nail painting tips, so she should try to know the guy far more before she chooses to give him a platform like a phone number. Maybe some guys think the same in this regard and don't want to ask for her number yet but just want to know her. But when shes a random girl on the street, how do you do that? You can't. Hence why some don't approach. If you were a regular somewhere they visited often, you'll then see them approach (which is why things liek that happen in gathering locations more commonly e.g. library, cafeteria, bus stop etc)

Great post, and sorry that I've run out of rep for today. I think the whole social perception of getting someone's number is troublesome and plays a part in why many feel approaching people in the daytime is difficult. Apart from something else like an email address, it's pretty much the only way you can contact the other person. Unless you're somewhere where you'll meet more than once. Since giving away your number is almost always perceived to show attraction, romantically or sexually, it seems most people would only give out their number to those they may want a relationship with. With the exception of casual classroom friends, etc.

My point is that this creates a perception that you've only one chance to get everything in place at once - that is, getting to know the person a bit, getting friendly, expressing a romantic interest and getting your suave right. Because chances are, after this you'll never be able to contact that person again without a phone number, and getting a number means looking at the dating route. Please forgive me if this is a bad assumption, but I get the impression in the UK anyway, that a guy and girl exchanging numbers just for friendship is almost an alien concept. I understand that you won't want to give out your personal number to someone who might turn out to pester you, but honestly, if you've got to know each other in a friendly way and he/she seems nice, there's no reason to jump to that conclusion.

If exchanging numbers was seen as something that can happen to start random friendships as opposed to only dates, then the pressure would surely be less - you can get to know each other briefly, swap numbers and then meet up again a bit later for a coffee or something, as new friends. I don't personally see anything abnormal about that whatsoever. If there's a romantic spark between the two of you, or if one of you wants to show it, then do it then; when you already know each other a bit and have time to talk properly. None of this walking up in the shopping centre and jumping right through stranger-->friendship-->romantic interest-->phone number in 5 minutes or game over. Don't get me wrong, this works for plenty of people and I respect that, but with this pressure, no wonder some people don't feel confident to do so, and no wonder some people don't like it much when people approach them - because as you said, it's virtually always for courting, and some people don't want dates (or are taken).

I study in China at the moment, living with my lovely girlfriend of over 2 years, and whilst I'm honestly not trying to generalise the entire country, in every experience I've had the idea of getting a phone number is always to start a friendship. You can show romantic intentions there and then I guess if you were looking for that, but there's no assumption of that from the outset. Exchanging a number in a club or bar, well that's an entirely different culture, but I'm talking about normal daytime life. The reason is obvious - how on earth do you get to know each other in one 5min meeting? Sometimes you're just busy, it's a fact of life. The majority of people I meet - e.g. Chinese students on campus both male and female, view exchanging numbers as simply starting a friendship.

To share an experience or two - I walked into a bookstore lately, and a lady working at an advertising booth for an English school said hello to me. We talked about the typical subjects for a while - how long I'd been in China, where else had I travelled, etc. Her two male colleagues came back and we all sat down at the booth for a chat about Chinese and English culture. By the end, I had the numbers of all three of them and they had my number. Since then, I've just exchanged a text or call or two from them talking about daily life and whatnot, and usually say I hi and chat for a while when I go back in the bookstore. There are no dating intentions whatsoever in any of this, or in meeting with anyone else, and I always make sure to mention my girlfriend in conversation to make that clear. Yet I still exchange numbers sometimes because it's all called friendship. An older man around 60 who chatted to me about his experience talking with foreigners whilst in the PLA (Chinese armed forces) gave me his number to meet for coffee sometime, and it was amazingly interesting to talk with him. Furthermore, all my classmates and teachers have my number, and I have theirs. Our numbers and email addresses are on a (voluntary) shared list given to all of us. It's called being open and networked within the class, so that people can look out for each other, know each other better or share important class info with everyone at quickly.

Like I said before, you can't know someone on your first meeting, so why not get their numbers and meet again? If there wasn't such a connotation of romance, dating or sex associated without giving out one's number, surely it would be easier to get to know, nay talk to people you've just met for the first time during the day, for friendship or otherwise. Because if you want a stranger's number, the perception is that you must aim for romance.

Many of my Chinese friends feel very surprised that many people in the UK give out numbers almost only when potential romance is involved. Their explanations are what I just explained. Here in China, I barely need to say hello to start a short, friendly conversation with someone during the day, male or female.

(edited 13 years ago)

Original post by mrnightcat

My point is that this creates a perception that you've only one chance to get everything in place at once - that is, getting to know the person a bit, getting friendly, expressing a romantic interest and getting your suave right. Because chances are, after this you'll never be able to contact that person again without a phone number, and getting a number means looking at the dating route. Please forgive me if this is a bad assumption, but I get the impression in the UK anyway, that a guy and girl exchanging numbers just for friendship is almost an alien concept. I understand that you won't want to give out your personal number to someone who might turn out to pester you, but honestly, if you've got to know each other in a friendly way and he/she seems nice, there's no reason to jump to that conclusion.
...

I study in China at the moment, living with my lovely girlfriend of over 2 years, and whilst I'm honestly not trying to generalise the entire country, in every experience I've had the idea of getting a phone number is always to start a friendship. You can show romantic intentions there and then I guess if you were looking for that, but there's no assumption of that from the outset. Exchanging a number in a club or bar, well that's an entirely different culture, but I'm talking about normal daytime life. The reason is obvious - how on earth do you get to know each other in one 5min meeting? Sometimes you're just busy, it's a fact of life. The majority of people I meet - e.g. Chinese students on campus both male and female, view exchanging numbers as simply starting a friendship.

I kind of half agree with this post, and then half think it's totally misplaced. In China everyone wants to talk and be friends with you if you are a westerner, particularly if you are young, relatively tall, etc. If nothing else, it is a chance to practice speaking English (there is even the phrase "TEFL vampire" for those who speak to random westerners about random nonsense just to get a free english lesson). Would all those people who you've shared numbers with also have happily shared numbers with a Chinese factory worker who approached them on the street?

It would be nice if girls would be more open to just being friends with random people so that asking them out wasn't such a big thing, but perhaps realistically the reason this doesn't happen so much is just that girls have enough friends without needing to spend time with random strangers, unless that random stranger has something which makes them special or different.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 79

mrnightcat

Original post by James Gregory

That's not necessarily true, and I think you're rather misplaced with what you've written. There surely are some amount of foreigners in China who end up with Chinese people, usually students, coming up to them to speak English and find those are the majority of their encounters, but I don't find that at all. To be honest, while there are "TEFL vampires" out there usually from universities, the stereotype that foreigners only get attention for being foreign holds no water. It's actually a little insulting; it assumes that we're cows for English or some superficial trophy to talk with, when in fact it's none of that.

Almost the only people who tend to rush over for English practice are those actively studying it - i.e. nearly always university students. There are plenty of them, but that doesn't mean everyone wants to talk for English training. I talk to a lot of Chinese people every single day, including plenty of uni students, and in one month I'd say I'll meet one or two whose only motive is to practice English, and I've gone plenty of months without finding one. In other cities it might be different, since there is a low foreign population here in my small city.

Granted, there are folks who bump into plenty more "TEFL vampires" than I do. But you're assuming they are the only people such people meet. They are just a minority group of people who show up every now and again - and as I said, I see almost none of them myself. And besides, I don't see them all as something to avoid - it's good to help someone with their English once in a while.

To get one fact out of the way, I only speak Chinese to people here, unless they specifically ask me to, or are not Chinese. What's ironic about what you write is that the people I see all the time - uni students, students doing part-time in the shops, the apartment security guards, the Tesco staff, the various students/interns/office workers on the street, are often more open to talk with me when they realise I speak Chinese. Because those Chinese students not actively studying English or working in an international environment are less likely to speak it fluently, thus feel it's a pressure to do so, or might feel shy about doing so, and feel relieved when they can relax and speak Chinese to me. English conversations can be great, but tend to circle around textbook topics unless you're talking with someone of a particularly high level, whereas Chinese conversations mean you can talk more about things more meaningful to them, which make better conversations.

It's rather clear. The majority of expats here who only have contact with such "TEFL vampires" are usually the ones who don't learn Chinese or only speak English. Not everyone of course, some Chinese learners can find this a bit of a frustration too. Those who speak Chinese (or do so while learning) and don't hang about too much in English-speaking circles integrate like a Chinese, and talk with anyone they like in Chinese. So, Chinese people are happy to exchange numbers and become friends not because I'm an expat, but because they can talk to me almost like talking to a local (to an extent, I'm not boasting my Chinese level here, I don't speak too great). All those times I mentioned before - in the bookstore, etc, I spoke Chinese to them.

Regarding the factory worker question. Assuming this factory worker is 35+ and talking to young students, then it's still a maybe if he's not dirtied up from the job. Who am I to say yes or no? If he's dressed normally, you won't exactly know he's a factory worker. If he's a stereotypical tank-top wearing guy out from work and not looking clean, then probably not - he doesn't exactly give a good impression.

If a young factory worker providing he's all cleaned up, struck up a conversation with a young female in a shop, there'd be nothing unusual about them parting with numbers, romantic interest or not. Obviously it's a little less likely with an older guy because of their age difference, but there's nothing unusual if the guy's nice enough. A 50+ factory manager struck up conversation with a Chinese friend of mine on a coach, and they exchanged numbers after getting on well. The two of them left with numbers and occasionally meet for dinner when he visits here on business trips. She's the girlfriend of another friend of mine, and he's married with a child - they meet because they're friends and banter about their jobs.

Original post by James Gregory

It would be nice if girls would be more open to just being friends with random people so that asking them out wasn't such a big thing, but perhaps realistically the reason this doesn't happen so much is just that girls have enough friends without needing to spend time with random strangers, unless that random stranger has something which makes them special or different.

I do agree with this somewhat, but at the same time I don't think it's just a question of whether or not a girl is open to having more friends. I understand some girls, or any given person might not be looking for extra friends, but at the same time not every relationship starts from a mutual spark right away, and some build up of getting to know each other or friendship is there. You don't have to call it friendship really - just the getting to know each other before the storm. It's hard to do all that in the usually short moment a random encounter brings, so is nice to have the opportunity to meet up again sometime more convenient and know each other a bit better if you get on well.