[SensibleUsername]

..

[DeadPixel]

(Original post by SensibleUsername)
Cher Adam,
Bonjour ! (In french there's a space before double punctuation. However rethink about that, it's redundant; one usually says either "Cher Adam" and starts the letter, or "Bonjour Adam", but not both) Je m’appelle George, et j’ai treize ans. Mon (That should be in another sentence) anniversaire est le 15 février (We usually write dates with figures, also there's no determiner, it's like 15 February not 15th of February). Je suis pakistanais. Je veux aller à (in French the acute accent is used only on E, on the A it can be only a grave accent) Venise (cities names are proper nouns, so they have a capital letter) parce que Venise est très beau. Avez-vous un animal ? Je n’ai pas d'animal (it's singular, as there's no animals — also, in the plural form, it's irrégular, we say animaux) mais je voudrais un chat. J'ai les cheveux courts noirs (un cheveu not "une" cheveu) et j’ai les yeux bruns. Je suis de taille moyenne (peut-être un peu grand) et je ne suis pas sportif, je suis impatient et travailleur. J'ai faim souvent (you're often hungry, not hungry "a lot of time", are you?) mais je suis mince, j’aime manger de la dinde parce que c’est très savoureux et délicieux. Mes (you have several hobbies, it's plural) passe-temps favoris sont la photographie et la lecture. Avez-vous des hobbies ?

J’habite en L’Angleterre à Slough, près de mon école (mon l’école est appellée MY SCHOOL NAME (actually one would rather say "mon école s'appelle", it's a pronominal verb but mean "my school is called")). J’aime habiter en Angleterre mais, j’habitai (it's simple past tense) en Malaisie pendant six années, et je préfère habiter en la Malaisie parce qu'il fait très beau (you said "it's very sun" — you can either say sunny, "ensoleillé", but usually we say "il fait beau" = the weather is fine). Où habitez-vous ?
J’ai une soeur, elle s’appelle est NAME. (you said "She's called xxx", not "her name is xxx") Avez-vous une soeur ou un frère ? Ma soeur a quatorze ans. Elle est très paresseuse (she's a girl!) et elle ne voudrait rien de plus que de dormir toute la journée. Elle est plus petite que moi, et elle a les cheveux plus longs que moi.

Je suis très désolé je n'ai pas pu venir (that's a special tense — also don't confuse "aller" et "venir"; to go to ? to come, "I couldn't come at your home") à votre maison la semaine dernière, mais j’ai des examens et je dois réviser (the verb "devoir" is always followed by an infinitive, it's the same in English — I must revise). Je suis un peu nerveux pour mon examen (an exam = un examen) mais, je pense que (I think that) j'ai assez étudié. Souhaite moi bonne chance !

Ma (une routine) routine quotidienne : en le matin habituellement je me réveille à sept heures et je fais mon lit, ensuite je m’habille, je (it's an enumeration, use commas and "et" for the last thing only) me brosse le dents et je vais ("aller" is irregular — and yes, to confuse you even more, that looks like "venir", which is "je viens"…) à l’école. En L’après-midi quand l’école est terminée (I put something like "when school is over", I think that you tried to translate "after school finishes" but it's complicated to say that in French, that would be "après que l'école soit finie" but I think it's a bit too complicated for your level) je mange mon dejeuner (beware, déjeuner = lunch, don't you mean "dîner" ?) et je finis mes devoirs, et je me couche à onze heures.
Ma soeur se leve à sept heures vingt et elle passe une demi-heure à s'habiller.

There's a lot of red but I tried to explain what were your mistakes Feel free to ask if you don't understand something — I'm a native French speaker but I'm not very good at explaining linguistics in English.

You usually make the same mistakes; sometimes determiners are missing and sometimes you use them when you don't have to. Check the accents too, the gender of nouns and the verbs agreements.
But apart from that it's quite good, especially if you're 13

I don't think that you learnt everything I corrected, I don't know what's the English curriculum like, but be sure to leave some mistakes so that it looks genuine haha

[Wully]

(Original post by DeadPixel)
There's a lot of red but I tried to explain what were your mistakes Feel free to ask if you don't understand something — I'm a native French speaker but I'm not very good at explaining linguistics in English.

You usually make the same mistakes; sometimes determiners are missing and sometimes you use them when you don't have to. Check the accents too, the gender of nouns and the verbs agreements.
But apart from that it's quite good, especially if you're 13

I don't think that you learnt everything I corrected, I don't know what's the English curriculum like, but be sure to leave some mistakes so that it looks genuine haha

Thanks for spending time to look through my essay and correct my mistakes! Your help is much appreciated!