She kissed me, I hit her, she's left me - HELP!

Hi, been a while since I posted on this topic; you may remember my previous posts:
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1433359
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1485816
The simplified story is: many years ago, a friend was in a bad mental state and tried to strangle me - that left me with a hatred of having my neck touched, although I forgave my friend. My girlfriend liked touching necks and, one time, she did it and I accidentally hit out at her. We worked through that incident, with an agreement that she would stop touching my neck. I never told her the full story of why I didn't like it - I sort of did, but pretended it was my weird alcoholic cousin that did it and not my friend.

Well... It happened again. We were in the 'throes of passion' when she kissed my neck. Only this time, I didn't just hit out accidentally. It's not like I backed her against a wall and broke her jaw, but it wasn't just my general flailing. I meant to get her away from me. I'm not that sure if I hit her or just pushed her away, but I did something.

And it didn't just stop there. Last time, I felt so guilty immediately. This time, I went absolutely mental. Shouting, screaming, yelling all about what the **** did she think she was doing and why the **** didn't she learn from last time, why must she keep on trying to assault me. She was crying the whole time.

I eventually calmed, which is when I realised what I'd done (and surveyed the mess; apparently I'd thrown a vase at the wall at some stage, I didn't even realise I had), and started crying myself. I tried to hug her in comfort, but she stood up, sadly and tearfully said, "You're just messed up, Johnny" ... and left.

What am I going to do? I've realised now that this is some misplaced anger towards my friend and what he did ... but I can't take it out on him, I found out a few days ago that he was off of his medication and killed himself. I even identified the body (his only friend in the world, and his mother was too distraught.) And now I've ruined my relationship with my girlfriend - she can't trust me, she has no way of knowing what I'm going to do next time she accidentally kisses or touches my neck.

I need help ... but I don't know where to get it.

I remember the previous threads, sadly enough!

Echoing my last post, get help for it.

I think you need to see a psychiatrist. I don't mean that to be rude, but it's the only way you're going to sort things out for yourself. I understand perfectly that your past has made things difficult when it comes to getting intimate with someone, but the fact is that a girlfriend is going to touch your neck at some point in your relationship, even if you ask her not to. If you can get someone to help you work through this, then things will be better. You might have ruined things forever with this girl, I don't know - it depends how understanding she is - but don't let something so small ruin the rest of your love life.

Maybe talk to your parents - I'm sure they'll understand.

Good luck

I did. They said it was misplaced anger (which I didn't fully believe at the time) and recommended that I work it out with him. Well, he was back in the institution and his family and medical carers didn't want me upsetting him. And now he's dead, so I'm never going to be able to work it out with him.

I'm never going to get to tell him how much he's ****ed me up. They're right, I am angry with him ... but I don't know how to get over it now.

What if you do eventually? You didn't realise you smashed the vase to the wall - what if that hit your girlfriend? You shouldn't be waiting for it to happen to do something about it - get help.

I did. They said it was misplaced anger (which I didn't fully believe at the time) and recommended that I work it out with him. Well, he was back in the institution and his family and medical carers didn't want me upsetting him. And now he's dead, so I'm never going to be able to work it out with him.

I'm never going to get to tell him how much he's ****ed me up. They're right, I am angry with him ... but I don't know how to get over it now.

"You're just messed up, Johnny"

Well, I can't now. She's back home in a completely different country, saying she knows it's not all my fault but she can't stay with me.

She isn't coming back. She left me a note saying she knows it's not all my fault, but she can't stay with me ... and has gone back to Ireland to be with her parents. I was half expecting the police to show up, but apparently she's still kind enough not to do that.

Yes Johnny, you're messed up.

I sincerly hope this is a troll, don't try pinning any blame on the girl, you're the one with issue, you're the one who hit her and ultimately you're the one who needs to change.

Obviously you need some sort of therapy as you're not able to just move on, on your own, to deal with the issues you have with what happened to you.

Why can't you? I know your girlfriend's history but what about other girlfriends you may have? Are you gunna wait til they accidentally touch your neck? It's never too late to get help before you actually hurt someone.

You have to understand that she is terrified of her behaver. If this is an instinct for her (to touch her neck) and an instinct for you (to block anyone trying to touch your neck) then this will never work.

Unless she can restrain her-self, but if I saw my guy having a violent outburst, especially towards me, I wouldn't be able to stay, so unless somehow through some proper mental sessions can get this fear away, there is no way. Not now with this girl, and perhaps for some other girlfriends in the future... I would try and seek help for this problem... One day the outburst could be dangerously bad.

Tell her.
Get therapy
this sounds awful, i'm so sorry xxx

Hi, been a while since I posted on this topic; you may remember my previous posts:
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1433359
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1485816
The simplified story is: many years ago, a friend was in a bad mental state and tried to strangle me - that left me with a hatred of having my neck touched, although I forgave my friend. My girlfriend liked touching necks and, one time, she did it and I accidentally hit out at her. We worked through that incident, with an agreement that she would stop touching my neck. I never told her the full story of why I didn't like it - I sort of did, but pretended it was my weird alcoholic cousin that did it and not my friend.

Well... It happened again. We were in the 'throes of passion' when she kissed my neck. Only this time, I didn't just hit out accidentally. It's not like I backed her against a wall and broke her jaw, but it wasn't just my general flailing. I meant to get her away from me. I'm not that sure if I hit her or just pushed her away, but I did something.

And it didn't just stop there. Last time, I felt so guilty immediately. This time, I went absolutely mental. Shouting, screaming, yelling all about what the **** did she think she was doing and why the **** didn't she learn from last time, why must she keep on trying to assault me. She was crying the whole time.

I eventually calmed, which is when I realised what I'd done (and surveyed the mess; apparently I'd thrown a vase at the wall at some stage, I didn't even realise I had), and started crying myself. I tried to hug her in comfort, but she stood up, sadly and tearfully said, "You're just messed up, Johnny" ... and left.

What am I going to do? I've realised now that this is some misplaced anger towards my friend and what he did ... but I can't take it out on him, I found out a few days ago that he was off of his medication and killed himself. I even identified the body (his only friend in the world, and his mother was too distraught.) And now I've ruined my relationship with my girlfriend - she can't trust me, she has no way of knowing what I'm going to do next time she accidentally kisses or touches my neck.

I need help ... but I don't know where to get it.