Depression Society MKVI

"Go out and do something. It isn't your room that's a prison, it's yourself." - Sylvia Plath
Read that this afternoon and it's stuck with me.

Yoyoing feelings such a pain, trying to make sense of it all.
That's really great about your grandad! Sure he will be really excited to see you!

Feeling awful again, I seem to be in some sort of cycle at the moment. Haven't done any work yet, so maybe it's just guilt that I caused myself. Couldn't face getting up properly. Put a stale roll in the toaster to make it edible, felt a little better after eating it, still pretty bad though. Have checked and I am on the BSc, just the thought of having to explain it to housemates and family....bleugh, will probably put it off for ages. Also I shouldn't be taking a masters module which is proving quite a lot harder than the other modules, don't want it to affect my marks if I shouldn't even be doing it, but if I asked to change modules now I would have a lot to catch up on with a new one. Don't want to bring any of it up with anyone because it's all my fault for not even knowing what course I'm on, would look like a complete idiot. Sorry I'm just rambling.

-

"Go out and do something. It isn't your room that's a prison, it's yourself." - Sylvia Plath
Read that this afternoon and it's stuck with me.

Pratt living up to his name there.

-

We have about 4 trich posters in the OCD thread. Just saying

I wish I had rep left. I love that. It's stuck with me too - I love quotes.

I don't view it (for me) as a form of OCD - otherwise I'd probably be posting in there all the time

Well he went seeing him, he looked really pleased to see us. He kept saying he was having these hallucinations and mentioning family members that don't exist. Reminds me of my nan in her last month or so. He's a bit confused but definitely getting better. The hallucinations were probably caused by his fever whereas my nan's were from pain medication I think so at least he isn't at that stage yet. Being at a hospital reminded me how much I want to be a doctor, and then how I will never be one. I've probably told you this before but I don't see a future for myself, so I shouldn't be bothered but I kind of am . I seem to have come down from the feeling better of before. Although I don't feel it as being that bad anymore, feeling betterish made me realise how low I actually feel. I was amazed at how I could just get up, get a drink and tidy my room like it was nothing.

Really sorry to hear that. What's the problem with being on the BSc? (again, don't really understand how universities work in that respect so sorry). But if you were to drop the masters module and do another module, surely it would be easier than the masters module?
It's not your fault whatsoever, you said yourself your university changed it.

I want to go for a walk

I want to go for a walk

Glad you got to see him! Hopefully the hallucinations won't come back and he will be back to his old self soon. Never know what the future holds, if you can get better there will be plenty of possibilities later on. I know it can be really hard to see it, but just see what happens with the appointment etc. See what you mean, hope you have another goodish spell soon.

Just mainly having find someone to replace me in the house for next year and just telling my family who will make a big deal out of it. Also wondering what I'm going to do when I finish which my family will keep pestering me about when I tell them and I'm not ready to think about that stuff yet. It probably would be, don't know how easy it would be to catch up with the three weeks I would have missed though.
Yeah I guess, it's just when I saw my advisor last week he was talking about when I finish this year and I felt too embarressed to correct him, now I feel stupid and if I brought it up he would probably find out and think I already knew. Sorry don't think I explained that very clearly.
Felt a bit better for a while and psyched myself up that I was going to spend all night it the library, but then realisation kicked in about how long that would actually be and how far it is to walk in the cold and dark (and I left my gloves at home) and how much I like sleep.

Well, I chickened out of my GP appointment. Or rather, I went along but said nothing about depression and said about something else instead. I was actually feeling better then, so thought that I didn't need to talk to her after all, but now I just feel crap again.

Feel like I've completely failed socially at uni... I've made some good friends but not a concrete group that I can regularly hang out/go to pub/have nights out with, and not very many friends in my accommodation so I keep sitting around feeling lonely. I'm living with two of my closest uni friends next year, who are in my accom but in a different block on the other side of the grounds, and they don't really like to go out pubbing or clubbing and I feel so restricted and like I can't go and do anything because I have no one to do it with Trying to make new friends/join new societies/be more proactive but it's really difficult.

Anyone else feel like they don't connect properly to other people? Like everyone else seems to have formed amazing friendships and have a fantastic time together and all love each other and can share everything and then... there's me, friendly but not properly connected?

feeling so so down. I even thought of dropping out of uni earlier, just so I could start afresh at another uni and try and find a friendship group, which is a STUPID thought but the fact that I was seriously considering it for a while there...

I have also failed romantically

then I look at you guys and feel like a fraud for not having any proper real problems. (not insulting, just saying... like I haven't been abused or anything... sorry if that comes across rudely) it's just me angsting about my first world life.