Got some sleep
Yay for sleepy pills. Only an hour or two at a time, but all added together makes six hours. Can't keep relying on the pills though
On another note, it is half 2 and I have done NOTHING today. (apart from eating a bowl of cereal and turning on my laptop) Fail. Need to do some work - gonna get fired otherwise.
Can't seem to get myself up before midday despite not sleeping most nights. I feel so strung out at the moment, constantly on edge constantly tired, nothing's real. What I wouldn't do for 8 hours of natural, snuggly, satisfying sleep.
Can't concentrate on anything. Reading a simple book and my brain is running at a quarter speed. No sense of time anymore, I'll stare into the distance for a couple of minutes, look at the clock and it's 20 minutes later. Once did that for nearly an hour. Isolating myself from my friends. Even though I know I shouldn't, I don't want to bring them down by having to be around me. Why would they want to anyway? I know they're all thinking I'm just **** at life anyway. Always felt on the outside looking in, always felt like the one that's kept around so that others can compare themselves to me and feel better.
Nothing is fun anymore. Sometimes I make myself go out and try to do things that are 'fun' but end up crying because they are not. Want my appetite back. Kinda 'forgot' to eat for a week or 2. Lost lots of weight and felt worse. Now just reminding myself to eat is a massive chore.
I feel like someone has given me a stupid pill. Maybe I could concentrate on stuff if it didn't feel like there was someone screaming in my head all the time. If I want to get something done, even something simple, I have to keep talking to myself to remind myself what I'm supposed to be doing. "Get coat, get coat, put on shoes, put on shoes" etc.
Seeing giant spiders sometimes because I'm so tired. I know they're not really there, but they're still ****ers.
Just want everything to stop. Want to be normal. Sorry for the long navel gazing post guys. Just needed to get things out. It's getting too crowded in here