Depression Society MKVI

Hey, hows everyone doing today?...

Somebody come over and whip me until I work? Today just isn't happening and my ladywife is whisking me away next Saturday for a week so I'll be even further behind

Hope things improve soon.
Hopefully you'll be OK, when are you back at uni?
I was on my own, yeah.
It's so strict! Don't know why, it's just an average state school.


Today is definitely a crying day, I keep tearing up. Been crying this morning and I need to be ready for half 12 for my step dad's mum's birthday meal and I haven't even had a shower yet. Not at my most productive but hey ho!

its just so tiring, knowing that most of the time we only talk because i initiate the conversations. i see them posting photos of parties and sleepovers and get togethers and i think to myself, do they even consider me as a friend? am i just fooling myself that we're friends? if we were friends, they'd invite me to things, include me in conversations. everybody is going on some form of girls or lads holidays this summer, but im not, because i dont have anyone to go with

It's like you're in my mind, because I felt and still feel the exact same way. It is draining and demotivating. Sometimes my friends at school in sixth form would go out drinking and never bothered to invite me, but maybe they thought I wasn't that kind of person. Still, when the people I've known for half my life don't even remember my birthday when I know theirs off by heart (and I share my birthday with one of my friend's sister), it gets really frustrating and tedious. This might sound malicious and wrong, but sometimes I think that people form cliques far too easily because they themselves are worried about being left alone, they don't seem to realise or care that they're alienating others. It's like a safe base for them.

Have you tried getting to know different people? You sound like a really great person, maybe those people who are making you feel this way either don't know they're doing it, or just aren't worth knowing.

cause im at a relatively small sixth form, there's like, no other people - because of the kind of subjects i do, i typically have the same people in each class because theyre all related to each other. i feel like they only remember my birthday because fb reminds them, and i only ever get invited to parties if i happen to be sitting there when they are planning them. when i come and sit with them they just carry on their conversations like im not there.

its started to get so tiring and annoying that i prefer to be alone. i make plans for myself on the weekends to do stuff alone, or with one close friend i kept from secondary school

That's one thing I don't like about fb, a couple of years ago I disabled the notifications thingy that tells people when it's my birthday to find out how many people would remember, but that was a really stupid thing to do because no one remembered and I ended up breaking down

You could try waiting out sixth form, but I know that can be hard. I preferred being alone too, particularly during my last year of sixth form, sometimes it helps when you get fed up with how others treat you, but it can get lonely, and it's easy to get into the habit of keeping to yourself.

It's a really good thing you have one close friend and you're still active during the weekends (it's much better than letting them get you down so much that it starts to seriously affect you).

the thing i worry about though is that me and my friend are planning on going to the same uni, and living together. i dont want to end up in the same situation, in uni, because the course i'll be studying is 6 years long, and i dont think i could take this for another six years

this half term i havent done anything, and i havent gone out to meet anybody. i just stayed at home feeling lonely and miserable

Try not to worry about ending up in the same situation (again, that's easy to say). You sound like an outgoing person, so it might be easy getting to know people (I'm far too introverted and shy), especially when there's a wealth of people in uni too, and it makes such a huge difference compared to a small cliquey sixth form.

I really do hope you feel better about this soon, I know how awful it is when you feel like you have virtually nobody, especially during what I think is a pretty stressful time in life.

Came back yesterday evening, left the tablets at my family home. Have picked up the new perscription now, should be ok, at least I had a half-dose yesterday.

Hope your day has picked up and the meal went alright.

im not much of an extrovert, i tend only to open up and have a laugh once i get to know people, i envy the kind of people who can just randomly start conversations with strangers, i go all red and mumbly

ahhh only a term or so left of sixth form, i can make it through this

does it help?

you've basically just described how i've been feeling the past few weeks. i over-analyse and over react so dramatically to things its become ridiculous, and my anxiety ocassionally gets so great that i burst into tears for no good reason and spontaneously feel smothered and an urgent need to get out of where i am and be all alone for a while.

I'm at a dilemma. There's a competition coming up called Dare to be Digital, which is an incredible opportunity for games developers ( my career choice ) to get their names out. This involves a team of people making a game that competes with others. However, I'm struggling to get the courage to put my name down, as I know some of the competition personally who are more talented than I can ever hope to be, so i dont think im going to get anywhere, plus im sure that id end up dragging my team down and failing them. Even if i did force myself to enter, if i did do badly or failed my team im not sure i could forgive myself. Can anyone give me any advice?

if you want to become a games developer and this is a good opportunity to advance that role, who gives a **** if you arent the best or most talented games developer in the world? it'll be a valuable learning experience and you won't learn anything or get even the vaguest of chances to take advantage of it if you don't even put your name down. as for dragging other people down etc, i don't mean to be blunt but do you want this as your job or not? do you think the other people involved are worried about helping you out (they're not, they're in it for the opportunities it gives *them*). if you are using that excuse now what's going to happen when you have to work with people *in your job* and you are always so scared of failing that you never even attempt to do anything useful? put your name down and you might surprise yourself. no one ever got anywhere by never ever screwing up ever and always coming first in everything. the bottom line is this is what you want to do and this is an opportunity to go out and do it. nothing else matters.