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Depression Society MKVI

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A bit of a Forever Alone! moment inside the spoilers.

Spoiler

Reply 2881
Original post by Anonymous
im not much of an extrovert, i tend only to open up and have a laugh once i get to know people, i envy the kind of people who can just randomly start conversations with strangers, i go all red and mumbly :redface:

ahhh only a term or so left of sixth form, i can make it through this :smile:


Original post by Anonymous
cause im at a relatively small sixth form, there's like, no other people - because of the kind of subjects i do, i typically have the same people in each class because theyre all related to each other. i feel like they only remember my birthday because fb reminds them, and i only ever get invited to parties if i happen to be sitting there when they are planning them. when i come and sit with them they just carry on their conversations like im not there.

its started to get so tiring and annoying that i prefer to be alone. i make plans for myself on the weekends to do stuff alone, or with one close friend i kept from secondary school :frown:


:console: A lot of this applies to me too. People only talk to me when they absolutely have to. They sometimes ask me to hang out with them, but then they ignore me. And I also find it very difficult to talk to strangers. Although I have autism.

When I look at Facebook, this feeling of loneliness gets worse. Everyone is posting about how they had fun with friends, where they went, and pics of themselves at parties.

And in the past my parents ensured that I don't have a social life. They told me not to talk to anyone outside school, I wasn't allowed out by myself or allowed to go to anyone's house, no one was allowed to my house. As a result I was also bullied in the past. No one had such strict parents.


Original post by angelbones
A bit of a Forever Alone! moment inside the spoilers.

Spoiler



Spoiler

Original post by avhhs

Spoiler



Always hardest to take your own advice/consolation, isn't it? :tongue:
:console:
Reply 2883
Original post by angelbones
Always hardest to take your own advice/consolation, isn't it? :tongue:
:console:


Unfortunately yes :biggrin:

Can talk about it on Facebook if you want :smile:
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Superstar6318
Everything is normal and you're functioning adequately isn't it - but your mind feels in 2 parts. The rut like feeling. Really, there is no rut and you're perfectly fine. And then you take life SO seriously.

I don;t know how to appreciate life and make use of what I have got, unless I unblock my mind and get out of this stupid rut. The double effect feeling needs to go first, in order for me to branch WAY out of my comfort zone.

Confidence is also key.

I say all this

and it's just a load of yarn, it's all overthought, why is everything overthought naturally?

I can't order and organise my brain because it's become so lazy, it's gone into a viscious cycle and now everything I do will be stupid but, is it cos im reluctant to change?

Overthinking mode is bad. I don't want to be aware of anything I do! Overthinking mode is so annoying and it's hard to just get on with things as how they are and to see things as how they are.

Relaxation doesn't help.


i know people who can just spontaneously do things and feel happy and confident, whereas i think about what im about to do and whether people will judge me for even just putting up my hand and answering a question in class.

or whenever something casual happens to me i analyse it to the extent that you wouldn't recognise it as the act that happened to me.

internally, im constantly thinking about the consequences of everything i do and everything that happens to me.
Reply 2885
Original post by Anonymous
i know people who can just spontaneously do things and feel happy and confident, whereas i think about what im about to do and whether people will judge me for even just putting up my hand and answering a question in class.

or whenever something casual happens to me i analyse it to the extent that you wouldn't recognise it as the act that happened to me.

internally, im constantly thinking about the consequences of everything i do and everything that happens to me.


:console: I know how you feel :smile:. That's how I generally am too. I think it happened to me because I was bullied for ages. It stopped when I started over-analysing.

Recently I started doing it less. Things started going bad again :frown:.
Reply 2886
Original post by Nut.


Anyone have any advice after this hideously long post?



This post could pretty much have been written word for word by me (aside from the amazingly mature way you seem to be handling it; I am the master of head-in-sand syndrome.)

The way I see it is, barely passing the year is not great, ok its fine from a degree perspective, but, as you say missing so much learning from this year will only make next year harder. For me at least, I think knowing that I am so behind and struggling so hard to actually do anywork, is only making me more stressed and feel that much worse about myself. If you did intermit, you would have 6 months to get better and prepare for next semester.

Of course you might get ill again in the future, but hopefully you could use this past year as a learning experience in terms of how to plan your work etc.. and what support the uni can give you to help. Hopefully with the right support straight from the beginning of term you could manage the course more successfully.

With your family, would telling them very honestly; I am having some terrible days atm, but I am getting the right help and working hard on getting better, be an option? Sorry, I am terrible at dealing with my family, don't really have any great advice here.

Just a few thoughts sorry if its a bit useless, my head is fuzzy today.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Also, hi everyone! May have been stalking this thread for while now and only just got the courage to post :redface:
Reply 2887
Original post by Sultana
This post could pretty much have been written word for word by me (aside from the amazingly mature way you seem to be handling it; I am the master of head-in-sand syndrome.)

The way I see it is, barely passing the year is not great, ok its fine from a degree perspective, but, as you say missing so much learning from this year will only make next year harder. For me at least, I think knowing that I am so behind and struggling so hard to actually do anywork, is only making me more stressed and feel that much worse about myself. If you did intermit, you would have 6 months to get better and prepare for next semester.

Of course you might get ill again in the future, but hopefully you could use this past year as a learning experience in terms of how to plan your work etc.. and what support the uni can give you to help. Hopefully with the right support straight from the beginning of term you could manage the course more successfully.

With your family, would telling them very honestly; I am having some terrible days atm, but I am getting the right help and working hard on getting better, be an option? Sorry, I am terrible at dealing with my family, don't really have any great advice here.

Just a few thoughts sorry if its a bit useless, my head is fuzzy today.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Also, hi everyone! May have been stalking this thread for while now and only just got the courage to post :redface:


Welcome :hug:. That was also how I joined the thread :tongue: :colondollar:.
Reply 2888
Original post by avhhs
Welcome :hug:. That was also how I joined the thread :tongue: :colondollar:.


Thank you :h: and its quite scary isn't it! :colondollar:
Reply 2889
Original post by Sultana
Thank you :h: and its quite scary isn't it! :colondollar:


Don't worry. You'll be fine :smile:
Original post by Sultana
Also, hi everyone! May have been stalking this thread for while now and only just got the courage to post :redface:


Fresh meat. :colone:


(welcome :hello: )
Original post by Sultana
Thank you :h: and its quite scary isn't it! :colondollar:


got more courage than i have in not going anon :tongue:

good on yah! :biggrin:
Reply 2892
Original post by Sabertooth
Fresh meat. :colone:


(welcome :hello: )


I'm not tasty. Honest!

Original post by Anonymous
got more courage than i have in not going anon :tongue:

good on yah! :biggrin:


Or not; made a new account specifically ha :redface:
Reply 2893
Original post by Sultana
This post could pretty much have been written word for word by me (aside from the amazingly mature way you seem to be handling it; I am the master of head-in-sand syndrome.)

The way I see it is, barely passing the year is not great, ok its fine from a degree perspective, but, as you say missing so much learning from this year will only make next year harder. For me at least, I think knowing that I am so behind and struggling so hard to actually do anywork, is only making me more stressed and feel that much worse about myself. If you did intermit, you would have 6 months to get better and prepare for next semester.

Of course you might get ill again in the future, but hopefully you could use this past year as a learning experience in terms of how to plan your work etc.. and what support the uni can give you to help. Hopefully with the right support straight from the beginning of term you could manage the course more successfully.

With your family, would telling them very honestly; I am having some terrible days atm, but I am getting the right help and working hard on getting better, be an option? Sorry, I am terrible at dealing with my family, don't really have any great advice here.

Just a few thoughts sorry if its a bit useless, my head is fuzzy today.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Also, hi everyone! May have been stalking this thread for while now and only just got the courage to post :redface:


Thanks. Yeah everything you've said is true I suppose.

It's very frustrating. I'd been stuck at home for so long. All my friends went off to uni whilst I was still finising off my A levels, and this was supposed to be me 'spreading my wings'. Turns out all I've done is crash land (excuse the terrible word play).

_________


I don't feel at all myself today. I feel very detached and almost not human. Definitely don't feel 'normal', whatever that means. Feels like I'm stuck in a loop of sleeping, then not being able to sleep, restricting, then binging, and endless appointments with doctors, crisis team, people at uni.

One my flatmates is away at the moment, and the rest of them have clingfilmed his room. They've been happily scurrying around for most of the day, finding a seemingly endless amount of joy from it, and I'm just sitting here like a zombie, wishing I could wake up.
Original post by Anonymous
got more courage than i have in not going anon :tongue:good on yah! :biggrin:


Sure does :yep:
This thread makes me depressed :O

EDIT: I didn't mean it in a bad way, reading how others are just as bad as me...kinda makes me feel worse lol
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by ViceVersa
Sure does :yep:


ohhh shushh you :tongue:
Chance of me sleeping tonight? Low to nil methinks. Gonna give zopiclone another shot.

Had a bit of a breakthrough, my friends came over for the weekend and we went to the supermarket, it was scary as **** but I've found if I wear a hat constantly it makes me feel less scared about people stealing my thoughts. Also makes me stand out a bit less which is good too. So at least now I can buy food and stuff, which is awesome.
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 2898
Original post by Nut.
Thanks. Yeah everything you've said is true I suppose.

It's very frustrating. I'd been stuck at home for so long. All my friends went off to uni whilst I was still finising off my A levels, and this was supposed to be me 'spreading my wings'. Turns out all I've done is crash land (excuse the terrible word play).

_


I know how you feel. I took a gap year last year, and stupidly decided to do very little which didn't help things. I thought coming away to uni would be my fresh start that I needed, to get away from bad memories etc.. but turned out I'm not so good at the whole 'living independently' thing.

Maybe what I said is true, but its hard to listen to. If I read back what I wrote I really should take my own advice, but that is the ultimate failure (in my mind.) I wanted so hard to make this work but I've failed miserably and now its rubbish. :sigh:

Would renting your own room away from your parents be an option? Or is that not really financially possible?
(edited 12 years ago)
Reply 2899
Original post by Sultana
I know how you feel. I took a gap year last year, and stupidly decided to do very little which didn't help things. I thought coming away to uni would be my fresh start that I needed, to get away from bad memories etc.. but turned out I'm not so good at the whole 'living independently' thing.

Maybe what I said is true, but its hard to listen to. If I read back what I wrote I really should take my own advice, but that is the ultimate failure (in my mind.) I wanted so hard to make this work but I've failed miserably and now its rubbish. :sigh:

Would renting your own room away from your parents be an option? Or is that not really financially possible?


Not possible financially unfortunately. And then there would be explaining to them that I don't want to live with them, even if it costs me £100 a week.

Taking one's own advice must be one of the hardest things to do :tongue:.

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