Can you get married in a church even if you're not religious/haven't been christened?

I'm not planning to get married btw haha :tongue:

it's just a discussion I'm having. I haven't been christened and am not religious, does this mean I am not entitled to a church wedding? Just wondering is all :smile:

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Reply 1

SweetChilliSauce

Depends on the Church..
I know several people have been married at mine though they have no religious affiliation, but others would give a down-right no since you're not religious.

Reply 2

daniellelouise

My parents weren't Christened, apparently they had to go to the church for 6 months before their wedding :s-smilie:

Reply 3

L i b

In England, every person has the legal right to be married in their Church of England parish church. Whilst I think it's utterly mad, you cannot be excluded on grounds of religion - it is one of those peculiarities of having an established church.

With any other faith, or if you try to choose a church, it would be perfectly normal for the resident priest to ask you about your religious faith and in many, particularly Catholic churches, you would be expected to have been baptised. If you don't meet with their approval, they won't marry you.

Reply 4

TheSownRose

It differs; my cousin (who absolutely should not have been allowed to be married in a church) paid a higher fee to marry in a church we didn't belong to.

Reply 5

Lyde

I think it largely depends on the vicar for C of E churches. I'm not sure if it's still the case, but way back you had to attend church services and have meetings with the vicar etc. leading up to your wedding. I think the parish that you live in can also have a bearing, you had to have a local/family connection to the parish which your chosen church is in the last I knew.

I didn't get married in church though, quickie registry office for us, I'm not good with big weddings and such :redface:

Reply 6

ThisLooksLikeFun:)

Original post by Jabberwox

I'm not planning to get married btw haha :tongue:

it's just a discussion I'm having. I haven't been christened and am not religious, does this mean I am not entitled to a church wedding? Just wondering is all :smile:

It depends on what denomination you are considering. Presuming that you're looking at a CofE church, you need to have certain connections - either
a) Having attended regularly for 6 months
b) living in the parish

and my understanding is that recently the laws have relaxed, so certain strong connections will enable you to marry in that church, like having lived in that parish previously or having family who regularly attend that church. :smile:

I think in other denominations it may be up to the discretion of the minister. My advice would be to give the rector of your church a call and enquire - even if they can't marry you in their church, they may be able to direct you to another church you have a legitimate connection to.
Hope this helps!

Reply 7

fyrecracker

The Church of England website gives all the details of what you need/dont need to do to marry in church

http://www.churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/weddings.aspx

I do wonder though, if someone doesnt believe in God, why would they want to be married in a church? The vows are very specific promises made before God, so I dont understand how that works with your own conscience if you dont believe what youre actually promising??

Its the same with baptising babies ... why have them 'christened' if you dont actually believe in God?

Is it all to do with the venue and the party afterwards???

Sad if it is ?

XXX

Reply 8

ThisLooksLikeFun:)

Original post by ThisLooksLikeFun:)

and my understanding is that recently the laws have relaxed, so certain strong connections will enable you to marry in that church, like having lived in that parish previously or having family who regularly attend that church. :smile:

oops didn't read the comment properly, assume this is hypothetically IF you were to get married! :biggrin:

Reply 9

Lyde

Original post by fyrecracker

We haven't had our children christened so that they can make up their own minds about religion when they're older (I wasn't christened for that same reason). We've been married 9 years this year and my husband's family still refuse to acknowledge that we're married because it was in a registry office, apparently it wasn't 'real' in their eyes! :s-smilie:

and

Reply 10

Rainbow-Dream

Quick question: how do they know whether you've been christened or baptised? Is it not easy to lie?

Reply 11

loz876

Original post by Rainbow-Dream

Quick question: how do they know whether you've been christened or baptised? Is it not easy to lie?

You get an official certificate.

Reply 12

ily_em

Why would anybody want to though? I haven't been to a church service, but I imagine it's all about making your promise in front of God and all the religious speech and stuff that that entails. Surely it would feel fake if you didn't believe in any of that. I certainly couldn't do it :s-smilie:

There are nice venues that aren't churches too.

Reply 13

coolmushroom

If you have the money you can do pretty much whatever you want :wink:

Reply 14

geetar

I heard about some people who got married in a decommissioned nuclear bunker from the 1960s, so...there's an option if you get turned down by Westminster Abbey.

Reply 15

evening sunrise

Original post by fyrecracker

In my case it was because my wife believes. But I agree with your basic point. None of our 4 children are baptised/christened, and I have refused to be a god father, even though my wife agreed to be the god mother. I attended one christening, it made me sick to see all these people, including the parents, making promises, having not attended church since they got married, and unlikely to do so again until they arrive in a box. I do not believe, but I do think a religion should be respected, when it means so much to many, including the vicar. Why did they do it ? To get a tick in the box on the list of conformist things to do, in order to do the correct thing.

Reply 16

fyrecracker

Original post by Lyde

and

I really admire people who decide against religious ceremonies if they have no faith ..... rather that than be a hypocrite, just because it keeps people happy. If your in-laws are christians (or whatever religion) they should admire your integrity xx

Reply 17

fyrecracker

Original post by evening sunrise

Well said. xx

Reply 18

BeccaAnne94

I get that some people think it as traditional to be married in a church, but to be honest I don't think you should pretend to be religious just for that reason.
The majority of family events that I've attended in church have involved people lying through their teeth that they will take the child to church every week after they have been christened.

To be honest if I get married at some point in the future, religion has no right to be a part of my day as I don't believe in God so why should I conform to other people's expectations?

Reply 19

Clare~Bear

It depends on the church. When one of my cousins got married, it was convenient to have the ceremony at a church in town and then the reception could be at a hall that was literally a couple of doors down the road. It was a strict vicar and they didn't go to the church but because the mother of the bride was a regular there who helped out a lot and was friends with the vicar, he did the ceremony.

Some vicars will say you have to be part of the congregation for x years or months like the one I just mentioned but some will do it anyway if you've got links to them. And then others are willing to marry just about anyone especially if they need the cash for repairs etc to the church.