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Strange issue with friend

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    Hello,

    I know I need to breach this up with my (female) friend but I'm normally the person who is accepting and doesn't take issue with such things.

    Background:
    Known each other for two years at uni. Have had a crush on her but we're good friends and I'm happy with it as is she. Recently whenever we see each other, she does give short answers and isn't as happy to see me as she is with other people.

    What makes it sad is that how a good friendship may be slowly eroding and I think I know the reason - We don't have much in common apart from a show we do together on radio but we do go out together sometimes and have met during the summer. The thing that I really notice is when we're together, she seems disinterested and has a hand ready for her Blackberry to text out of the situation as well as talking very quietly when answering as if to not want to be heard.

    I wouldn't like her to think of me as trying harder to be close (hence avoiding the silence) as some kind of piecemeal because we never got together. On the contrary, it made me realise how important her friendship is to me.

    One part of me thinks am I being over-critical, the other thinks have I been putting rose-tinted glasses on for too long but the biggest part of me wants to refresh the friendship since she's a really decent person.

    Plans of action: I'm going to approach the subject but not play the blame game since when I next see her and ask her how she feels about our friendship and then let her know that I do feel sad when the 'silence' falls.

    Confusing problem, any tips?
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    Do you enjoy being around her even when she's acting uninterested? I'd ask outright about it, but let her know that you want to be friends. The worst that can happen is you'll stop being friends abruptly rather than drifting apart, but things could get better instead.
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    Good question. I answer obviously no but then I am intrigued as to why it's become like this when with other people she's fine and dandy. Similarly I'm fine and dandy talking to other people too...

    Well Saturday's my best chance of asking her sooo, I'll keep you updated!
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    I didn't bottle it. We spoke and she was aware of it herself and was glad we broached the subject. It won't be fixed in a day but at least it's out in the open.
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    Congrats, am really happy for you. I have been very close to a girl when we lived in Ghana for a year (both volunteers from Europe) and after we returned we paid each other some visits (although we live far away from each other). Then I made the mistake of telling her how much she really means to me and since then the friendship crumbled fast. She never writes or texts any more and I have not heard of her since months. She used to be the best friend I ever had, we made extraordinary experiences together and I know that I have also been the best male friend to her, but by telling her about it it seems I have scared her away.

    Now I'm sitting here, missing her like a six year old misses his lost stuffed animal ...
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    (Original post by Sir Fox)
    Congrats, am really happy for you. I have been very close to a girl when we lived in Ghana for a year (both volunteers from Europe) and after we returned we paid each other some visits (although we live far away from each other). Then I made the mistake of telling her how much she really means to me and since then the friendship crumbled fast. She never writes or texts any more and I have not heard of her since months. She used to be the best friend I ever had, we made extraordinary experiences together and I know that I have also been the best male friend to her, but by telling her about it it seems I have scared her away.

    Now I'm sitting here, missing her like a six year old misses his lost stuffed animal ...
    Chin up :yy:
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    (Original post by WarriorInAWig)
    I didn't bottle it. We spoke and she was aware of it herself and was glad we broached the subject. It won't be fixed in a day but at least it's out in the open.
    Put a smile on my face. Good for you!
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    Good on you OP, honesty is the best policy in these situations and it's good that she felt the same
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    Hmm, issue no.2 now.

    The other week, me, my friend and two of her flatmates went to a restaurant and afterwards I asked her if the group would like to watch a film sometime. Her reply in particular confused me. She said she'd go if her friend liked it which to me seemed like she was dodging just saying no. Her and her (guy) friend are really close and have the same interests and on the same course but lately I've been pulling things together which I and other people have noticed and not liking the findings.

    Feel free to tell me to stop overthinking but I'll write briefly:
    - She has depression.
    - She has few friends.
    - I think she's put this guy on a pedestal and is spending so much time with him that after we finish uni, I worry that she'll go haywire without him around so much because she just seems to hang with him or only with him around.
    - Okay, I think she doesn't want to hang out with me, even though we are okay friends.
    - I think if she only has him on her mind, the rest of her friends who can't match up to him will fall by the wayside and she'll just be clinging onto him.

    I would like to tell her this but I'm not really a person who wants to start WWIII with people. :P

    What do you suggest?

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Updated: March 21, 2012
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