The Student Room Group

Pushy Parents Vs Laid-Back parents

I've put this here because this thread is aimed at students studying their A Levels, doing pressuring exams etc. And we've all had our fair share of experiences right now.

Pushy Parents:

Constantly asking you how you did in school, finding out what you've been learning, checking you've done your homework.

Constantly encouraging you and making sure you revise.

Generally takes a massive interest in your education, and is highly involved.




Laid-back parents
Don't ask you what you've learned, generally just let's you get on with your education.
Is proud of your achievements, despite not being that involved.


I have laid-back parents. My two friends have Pushy parents as defined above. Yet I have better GCSEs than them, I revised a lot more in my A levels exam etc.

My mum also said, she was pushy with my older brothers (one's now a salesman and one's a plumber without a GCSE to his name) and said she decided to take more a layed back approach to mine, that people won't do what they're told and they'd do the opposite.


What do you think?

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Reply 1
Mine are pushy but pushy in a negative way. They don't take much interest in my work but they leave the room, if I have to revise. Last year I did have a lot of arguments with the folks during the GCSE period which wasted so much revision time. I prefer laidback parents because the benefits are far greater.
Laid back, which I'm glad of really
I guess more laid back, but they still take a fair amount of interest in my studies.
my parents weren't overly pushy with me, just pushy enough, and it worked out well. Infact my education is something I'm extremely grateful for, perhaps only my health is more valuable to me. They were very lenient with my brother, as he wasn't very "academic" from a young age, and that's the way he stayed.

the only person I ever knew with truly over-the-top strict parents grew up to be a weird guy with some personality defects, who got no real success in his education due to eventually rebelling in his mid-late teens - even did stupid **** that got him involved with police. I avoid him now.
(edited 12 years ago)
Really more than just two categories.

Pushy-as in Asian pushy
Interested-Cares about your work and exams but not to an annoying level
Not Interested-Cares, but more in a "everything okay?" way
Doesn't give a crap- Couldn't care less about your education.

Mine are probably in the second category.
Reply 6
I have parents which represents the cons of both. I'm just glad I know how NOT to be when I'll be a parent myself. I'll be a laid back mum for sure, with shades of the pushy type.
Reply 7
Mine are fairly laid-back which is good because I can just get on with it hassle free but i guess this only works for self motivated kids - my bro flopped all exams maybe partly because of this

my friend has THE pushiest parents. One is a teacher and she sits with for every moment of revision, imposes crazy rules, routines etc etc and has one child at cambridge (huge achievement because the girl really wasnt that bright in the first place) and one at oxford who was already really clever . It obviously can help to have pushy parents for those who need guiding along and motivation etc
Reply 8
Mine were pushy up untill I was 11, sending me to after-school maths clubs (Kumon) to make sure that I got into a decent school. After that, they essentially let me get on with running my own life. I think it worked on me, but only because I believe I can do most things fairly easily and I'm really, really highly motivated to do well.

My brother on the other hand has no motivation whatsoever and prefers to just chill. Maybe their approach could have been a bit stricter with him?
Reply 9
I have the best combination of parents; laid back when it comes to social things, relatively pushy to make sure I get off my ass to do academic/employment things. They'll back me no matter what I do, so long as I do something and I'm happy with it.
Reply 10
My parents are really pushy, they also have a sticker chart for me to mark my progress in my exams. If I don't collect enough stars, no fun time :<
Reply 11
My parents are part of the 'as long as you've tried your best, that's all we ask for' group. To be honest I would prefer it if they were slightly pushier because sometimes it really does feel like they don't care. For example, for the exam results coming up they didn't even know they were 'real' exams until about a week ago :s-smilie:
My parents are really laid-back, and I'm not even sure they know what year I'm in at school.. I'm having to complete all my education myself, as well as applying to university without their input. It really sucks. I would die for parents that took an interest in my education.
Reply 13
Laid back but I would prefer it if they were slightly more pushy on the educational front.
i have laid back asian parents

yep you read it right
Reply 15
Original post by san_M
My parents are really pushy, they also have a sticker chart for me to mark my progress in my exams. If I don't collect enough stars, no fun time :<


OMG are you serious? are you OK with that??
Reply 16
Original post by Miracle Day
...


My mum likes to check on me, but generally let's me get on with it my own way. I tend to have a (wee bit annoying) streak in me that means I tend to not do something when asked to. Take my room for example, until a few months back where I changed a bit, it used to be a tip that I'd tidy every other week or so. However, it was only on my terms. Same with revision, music exam practise. The mother pushed me for grade 7, "Practise every night, etc etc" and I came out with a Pass. Grade 8 rocks up, I practise in my own time without her having asked it of me (which to be fair, I should have done anyway) and got 1 mark from Distinction.

My dad is always interested how I'm doing, but just encourages me to do what I want, but likes to take part in some of the bigger decisions (options, university decisions) etc, but I like that. I wouldn't want parents that are too laid back, else I'd never get college work done, just spend all my evenings reading books or reading research papers on arXiv.... Science <3
Reply 17
Mine care about my grades, but they're pretty laid back and let me get on with my own work. They used to be a bit pushier, but as I got older and maintained top grades, they got that I'm really a lot more academic than either of them. :wink: Right now I'm pretty grateful that they don't stick their noses into everything, because it's not actually going so well...
Reply 18
Mine were very lax. I'm glad I never had crazy helicopter parents like some on here, but I do wish they'd made me do my homework when I was young and gain some self-motivation. I'm the worst craster I know. I laugh when people are like "omg I have 2 days to finish this essay and I haven't started it." That would be starting early for me. So there is definitely a happy medium...

My parents didn't really get an education beyond the basic and thus have no idea what any university grade means.
My mum's kind of both - she says I need to get As and stuff, but she's not really that serious about it. She's obviously proud of my achievements, but there are times when she's like 'only B? you could've gotten a higher grade, etc' but they're pretty negligible since she doesn't bother me over it. It's something she says once and never elaborates again aha.

My dad...yeah, a definitely stricto. Thank the Lord I don't live with him and he's in a country far, far away. He's pushy, in a really unappreciative and ignorant way. It pisses me off. Nuff' said -.-

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