[Anonymous]

Been with gf two years. She was single at the time but had been seeing someone in an 'open relationship' for three years, they met up once a week but only had sex every few months. He was also cheating on someone at the time and sounds like a complete prat.

When we got together she said she didn't want a relationship and just wanted an open one, I said nothing more would happen until she ended it with him, which she did "indefinitely".

Anyway to cut a long story short, they continued to meet up as friends occasionally and she didn't tell me whenever they did because it caused an argument. I saw an email once on her computer that she sent him which was along the lines of "hey gorgeous, sorry i couldn't meet up, i'm being pulled in two directions, i really depend on you bla bla". Understandably I flipped when I saw this and I made no effort to contact her for a while at all. She defended it all saying she uses those kind of words for all her friends and she was "stroking his ego" because she felt bad for ending it.

I hate this guy and don't like the way he speaks to her - his messages back were things like "chat to you later sexy" etc etc and it really annoyed me.

We worked things out and she agreed not to speak to him like that anymore. A few weeks ago we were out and drinking and she said it would be really cool if I met him (she later denies saying this but she did). This started another argument and she said why do I hate him so much etc etc. She always says she loves me but wants to stay friends with him. She said she hasn't seen him since June which is great if that's true. The next day we chatted about it again and she said she wishes that had all never happened but if it wasn't for him she wouldn't be as confident as she is now and he really helped her bla bla.

When she asked me to send a text off her phone yesterday I noticed that this man is now saved as 'Belief' in her phonebook which freaked me out. Obviously I can't ask her about it or it will start another argument as I looked at her phone. I just want her to cut ties with this cheat.

Thoughts? Am I reading too much into this? Thanks

[meloncoly]

I think she is sleeping with him still, or hopes to be in a relationship with him. So you are probably her safety net. Don't stand for it.

[chlobofro]

Sounds like she's playing you for a fool. She sounds a bit weird to be honest. She won't cut ties with him, she's obviously still attached to him and probably will be for a while. Seriously, ditch her mate.

[Foo.mp3]

(Original post by Anonymous)
she said she didn't want a relationship and just wanted an open one

Stopped reading at this point ~ you got played from the start sucker

[dgeorge]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Been with gf two years. She was single at the time but had been seeing someone in an 'open relationship' for three years, they met up once a week but only had sex every few months. He was also cheating on someone at the time and sounds like a complete prat.

When we got together she said she didn't want a relationship and just wanted an open one, I said nothing more would happen until she ended it with him, which she did "indefinitely".

Anyway to cut a long story short, they continued to meet up as friends occasionally and she didn't tell me whenever they did because it caused an argument. I saw an email once on her computer that she sent him which was along the lines of "hey gorgeous, sorry i couldn't meet up, i'm being pulled in two directions, i really depend on you bla bla". Understandably I flipped when I saw this and I made no effort to contact her for a while at all. She defended it all saying she uses those kind of words for all her friends and she was "stroking his ego" because she felt bad for ending it.

I hate this guy and don't like the way he speaks to her - his messages back were things like "chat to you later sexy" etc etc and it really annoyed me.

We worked things out and she agreed not to speak to him like that anymore. A few weeks ago we were out and drinking and she said it would be really cool if I met him (she later denies saying this but she did). This started another argument and she said why do I hate him so much etc etc. She always says she loves me but wants to stay friends with him. She said she hasn't seen him since June which is great if that's true. The next day we chatted about it again and she said she wishes that had all never happened but if it wasn't for him she wouldn't be as confident as she is now and he really helped her bla bla.

When she asked me to send a text off her phone yesterday I noticed that this man is now saved as 'Belief' in her phonebook which freaked me out. Obviously I can't ask her about it or it will start another argument as I looked at her phone. I just want her to cut ties with this cheat.

Thoughts? Am I reading too much into this? Thanks

HAHA foo said it!

Leave her as quickly as possible

[ceris]

(Original post by Anonymous)
stroking his ego

Sounds to me like she's stroking something more than his ego...

[Anonymous]

I agree guys. Haven't spoke to her at all really since Tuesday morning. Not sure how to bring it up as I am in the wrong for looking at her phone. She's the one who is misbehaving but it will be turned on me pretty quickly for going through her phone, hmm

[bumble_bee_zee]

If she cared about you she'd have no problem getting rid of the guy.. and just bring it up, yes you looking at her phone without her permission may be wrong, (tbh im not arsed if my bf goes through my phone and same with him as we have nothing to hide)... If shes still keeping in contact with him, i think thats worse? I know how you feel, because my bf's ex was in the picture for like almost our whole 2 year relationship!

Its better just to be honest with her as to what you saw and how you feel. Best of luck!!

[jazzykinks]

I was stuck between 2 guys recently myself and I owed my ex a lot but you know what? My boyfriend was more important than the ex because he had so many faults. I don't contact my ex and tbh she shouldn't either. Okay, she may owe him a lot but what's done is done.t He's an ex. It's in the past and that's where he should remain. I do think that ex's can be friends but there needs to be boundaries because it's important that the feelings don't return. Her way of talking to him makes it sound like she still wants to be with him. As for looking through phones, it's your fault for invading her privacy but by that stage in the relationship (kudos, 2 years is long!), there shouldn't be any secrets anyway.

[Bryci]

Shes playing you and using you as a backup if all fails with this guy. Get out of the relationship before you really get hurt.

[FuzzySheep]

Doesn't sound good to me, it sounds like she's weighing up her options and hurting you in the process.

[consumed by stuff]

its almost beliefable

[tu_es_jolie_x]

So she said she wanted an open relationship and now you're upset because she is still talking to other guys ...

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by tu_es_jolie_x)
So she said she wanted an open relationship and now you're upset because she is still talking to other guys ...

The OP is naive and possibly fell in love with her. What a crime.

She on the other hand is a selfish, slimey, manipulative slut who is more than likely cheating on him.

You're right though it's definitely all the OP's fault.

[tu_es_jolie_x]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
The OP is naive and possibly fell in love with her. What a crime.

She on the other hand is a selfish, slimey, manipulative slut who is more than likely cheating on him.

You're right though it's definitely all the OP's fault.

Did I say it was his fault. No. Going into an open relationship he should've expected that there would be other guys. If he wasn't comfortable with this then he should have spoken to her about it, and said that he wants an all or nothing relationship. Whilst I admit this is a weird situation, she isn't cheating on him because the nature of there relationship states that they can be both see and be with other people.

He is naive and I feel sorry for him, but he shouldn't be in an open relationship if he can't handle it.

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by tu_es_jolie_x)
Did I say it was his fault. No. Going into an open relationship he should've expected that there would be other guys. If he wasn't comfortable with this then he should have spoken to her about it, and said that he wants an all or nothing relationship. Whilst I admit this is a weird situation, she isn't cheating on him because the nature of there relationship states that they can be both see and be with other people.

He is naive and I feel sorry for him, but he shouldn't be in an open relationship if he can't handle it.

When we got together she said she didn't want a relationship and just wanted an open one, I said nothing more would happen until she ended it with him, which she did "indefinitely".

OK.

[tu_es_jolie_x]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
OK.

Do you even know what indefinitely means?

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by tu_es_jolie_x)
Do you even know what indefinitely means?

Please don't patronise me.

Anyway...

Anyway to cut a long story short, they continued to meet up as friends occasionally and she didn't tell me whenever they did

This is cheating.

[tu_es_jolie_x]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
Please don't patronise me.

Anyway...



This is cheating.

Look I really can't be arsed to get in an argument with a stranger over another strangers relationship. You class it as cheating and I don't. Forget it.

[This Honest]

I feel for you dude. As others have said, it's clear that she's playing you:

- meeting up with ex regurlary
- talking to ex regurlary
- covering up her lies
- saved ex name as belief on her phone. Who does that?!

That's like getting robbed by a burglar and hoping he'll give you the stuff back