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Sad Brother and his *******s.

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    This is a really long post but i need help with this situation. My oldest Brother has been going through a really tough time for about 2 years now. He used to be so caring and happy, like honestly he was never down or upset he went about just trying to please everyone else but yeah you get the point he was just happy.

    But then we moved to the U.K and while it didnt make him so unhappy it did bother him since he was worried how he was going to fit in. Hes been going to this school for 2 years and i thought he was popular and all that since in his old school whilst he wasnt popular people liked him just because of how selfless he was and how cheerful he would be. He got a girlfriend and well they were inseperable, it seemed when he did it was the highest point in how happy he was, he would go out buy dinner for us all, take us for just small days out to Devon and Cornwall.

    He had a habit of usually overspending for Birthdays but whilst he was with this girl he really did go over the top. For example he bought me and Ipod Touch, my mum a new laptop because hers had broken 2 weeks before and she was sharing with dad. With this girl he was and i sound impartial but he was the kindest person i knew never would hurt anyone. I thought he was going to marry this girl since they were at the time it seemed perfect.

    Little did i know that whilst he was with her, he was having a tough time in school, hes never been great at school but he does try very hard just struggles to grasp concepts. Parents were giving him a bit of flak but only cause they love him and i guess it may have stressed him out. Still at home was happy and cheery.

    But then that was the high point before the storm i guess, we got a call one day from his best friends mother back where we used to live telling us that his friend had passed away in his sleep. When we told him he was shocked but he did not cry and he went in to school that day. We thought he was putting on a brave face and coping. But then apparently he broke down in his English class and was inconsolable, Him and his friend had known each other since they were 2 and were extremely close also the fact he lived 5 minutes away meant they were at one anothers houses lots. My brother went home and well i did with my other brothers what we thought was right and we bought him a plane ticket to go back, to the funeral and just get away.

    When he came back he had told our parents and given them the money to pay us back, he said he appreciated the thought but he couldn't take it from us. He looked slightly thinner and stressed but maybe that was because of the flight. Later with his girlfriend they broke up, she cheated on him and he took her back only for her to cheat again and her break up with him. This is where i know things went downhill. He stopped smiling, going out and just stayed in his bedroom. I knew he was sad but not that sad.

    Time went by and he was in sixth form i noticed he was by himself a lot of the time just sitting on the benches reading. Someone presumably a girl in his year came up to me and started telling me about him saying how he was getting bullied and facing some racist remarks. What he feared had been happening all along, he was being bullied for being half Chinese.

    When me and my brothers went to go talk to him about it well he broke down crying again and well we knew he was in a bad way. He told us how much he missed his friend and his ex even though we tried to tell him his ex was a bitch(excuse the language but she makes me so angry what she did to him). We never knew to that extent how upset he was and how much he was hurting.

    Also we were told the other day after he had been missing school to go to the hospital secretly that he had a heart condition. He didn't tell us, the school told us he was missing a lot of school and therefore called my parents and they investigated and found out. When my parents went to talk to him that day they heard him crying in his room and decided against it that he wanted to be left alone to deal with things.

    Basically hes going through all this and me and my siblings are really upset, we miss our old big brother who used to be the happiest person we knew become reduced to such a miserable upset boy. We followed him the other day because we heard him sneak out quite late, he had gone to a party where his ex was begging to take him back and well that didnt go down well and we had to take him away because of how upset he was getting infront of everyone. It made me want to cry seeing how even after a year he was so distraught about her.

    How can i get my big brother to smile and be happy once again. Not for us but for himself he deserves to be happy not sad.
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    Bit TLDR, but it's nice to be concerned for your brother.

    I don't think there's much you can do other than offer to do stuff with him to take his mind off things. Go for a walk, play some video games, shopping, or whatever it is you might do for fun. Just let him know that if he ever wants to talk that you are always available.
    #1

    heres what i do having depression for 2 years.

    marijuana, music, and chillnig with friends as well as anti depressants.

    im still depressed, i still ruminate a lot, but its not as bad anymore
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    It sounds like he needs someone to be there for him. Whilst you are all 'concerned' and 'aware', that doesn't make his life any easier to cope with. He's lost two people who were very close to him and made him happy - who will be there to fill the void?

    He has a lot on his plate. As well as the pain of his friend's death and the betrayal of his girlfriend, *******s at school and *******s with his health are exacerbating everything. I guess he feels that he lacks support and can't cope with it all, because it has all fallen so far. Throw in moving to another country - it sounds like a deluge of stress and unhappiness.

    Reach out to him - I think he needs someone to talk to more than anything, someone who can share his burdens for the time being and won't judge him. Take the time to listen and try to put yourself in his shoes. You won't necessarily have to do anything, just support him where he needs it and allow him to make sense of his *******s. Work out what can be fixed and what must be accepted.

    Even if you aren't comfortable doing that, how about giving him a hug every day? It sounds really cheesy, but it might make him smile and realise that there are those who care about him.
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    (Original post by Perdiccas)
    It sounds like he needs someone to be there for him. Whilst you are all 'concerned' and 'aware', that doesn't make his life any easier to cope with. He's lost two people who were very close to him and made him happy - who will be there to fill the void?

    He has a lot on his plate. As well as the pain of his friend's death and the betrayal of his girlfriend, *******s at school and *******s with his health are exacerbating everything. I guess he feels that he lacks support and can't cope with it all, because it has all fallen so far. Throw in moving to another country - it sounds like a deluge of stress and unhappiness.

    Reach out to him - I think he needs someone to talk to more than anything, someone who can share his burdens for the time being and won't judge him. Take the time to listen and try to put yourself in his shoes. You won't necessarily have to do anything, just support him where he needs it and allow him to make sense of his *******s. Work out what can be fixed and what must be accepted.

    Even if you aren't comfortable doing that, how about giving him a hug every day? It sounds really cheesy, but it might make him smile and realise that there are those who care about him.
    Thanks for the advice il do that so i can let him know im there.
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    You really sound like you care and it must be a horrible feeling seeing whats happening to your brother, tell him and hug him let him know your there for him.
    #2

    Hows your situation now going with him?
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    i dont think theres much you can really do
    just assure him it will get better and show him that you will help him in any way you can
    treat him to lunch or something and show him he can have fun
    he needs to realise them idiots in school are not worth it
    i hope he feels better soon

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Updated: March 22, 2012
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