[Harry.K]

First verse of rapy lyrics I'm currently writing- I'm a rookie, don't usually write lyrics so any feedback would be appreciated.


If you see the world in my eyes all you’ll see is a maze
Because all I can see in my mind is a perilous craze
It’s my rap and my beat that’s keeping me sane
I like to work hard because my pleasure is pain
They always tell you that it’s all work and no play
But I’m not selling any of my talent off on EBay
As I increase the beat, I can feel the heat
If you want to witness something special, pull up a seat
You better bear witness and present all the evidence
As I swagger into the courtroom bags full of arrogance
They tell me that I must be naïve to believe I will achieve
But I’d rather grieve than believe that my only existence is to breathe

[Miracle Day]

I like the first two lines..

[batboy113]

..

[batboy113]

It's pretty good

[batboy113]

kinda' gay

[BusinessJ]

They tell me that I must be naïve to believe I will achieve
But I’d rather grieve than believe that my only existence is to breathe

Like this bit the best But not really sure if it makes sense. Possibly should be my only purpose is to breathe? :/

[winning11]

u wan bad ass mofo harold

[RichyFrench]

Not bad, if we could imagine the rhythm you've got it might make more sense. Some bits could be tightened up too but generally it's pretty neat.

[Reform]

(Original post by mangoh)
Needs improving

I've got the tips to make you one of the best MC writers out there

Use my lyrics from my thread before

Say nothing, your moist.

[KingMessi]

I understand I'm now in the habit of hijacking threads
But your rhymes are pedestrian like legs filled with lead
I'm tiring of all this mundane mediocrity I'm seeing
On my homepage, all of TSR is agreeing
Your thoughts befuddled like you've got an aneurysm
The only response here is torrents of criticism
I'm trying to find the positives in your writing
But there's nothing here in which I can be delighting
Fighting to not remain here on this thread and stop alighting
Because whilst I'm reading this I feel my I.Q. dividing
Continuously, the downward progression's logarithmic
Your bars are pathetic, destroying my mind so terrific
Selling talent on eBay? Here's a word of caution
If you're sitting by your PC screen waiting for the auction
You'll be waiting until we have a homosexual pope
You're like a reformed coke addict; you simply lack dope
And if it's true that your pleasure's from your pain
Then it might be an idea to remain in this game
If you're sane, you'll refrain from increasing my disdain
Because I'm no player, I'm a slayer of rhymes with no brain...

[najinaji]

(Original post by KingMessi)
I understand I'm now in the habit of hijacking threads
But your rhymes are pedestrian like legs filled with lead
I'm tiring of all this mundane mediocrity I'm seeing
On my homepage, all of TSR is agreeing
Your thoughts befuddled like you've got an aneurysm
The only response here is torrents of criticism
I'm trying to find the positives in your writing
But there's nothing here in which I can be delighting
Fighting to not remain here on this thread and stop alighting
Because whilst I'm reading this I feel my I.Q. dividing
Continuously, the downward progression's logarithmic
Your bars are pathetic, destroying my mind so terrific
Selling talent on eBay? Here's a word of caution
If you're sitting by your PC screen waiting for the auction
You'll be waiting until we have a homosexual pope
You're like a reformed coke addict; you simply lack dope
And if it's true that your pleasure's from your pain
Then it might be an idea to remain in this game
If you're sane, you'll refrain from increasing my disdain
Because I'm no player, I'm a slayer of rhymes with no brain...

It take too much to touch her
From what I heard she got a baby by Busta
My best friend say she use to f*** with Usher
I don't care what none of you all say I still love her...

[-Illmatic-]

(Original post by KingMessi)
I understand I'm now in the habit of hijacking threads
But your rhymes are pedestrian like legs filled with lead
I'm tiring of all this mundane mediocrity I'm seeing
On my homepage, all of TSR is agreeing
Your thoughts befuddled like you've got an aneurysm
The only response here is torrents of criticism
I'm trying to find the positives in your writing
But there's nothing here in which I can be delighting
Fighting to not remain here on this thread and stop alighting
Because whilst I'm reading this I feel my I.Q. dividing
Continuously, the downward progression's logarithmic
Your bars are pathetic, destroying my mind so terrific
Selling talent on eBay? Here's a word of caution
If you're sitting by your PC screen waiting for the auction
You'll be waiting until we have a homosexual pope
You're like a reformed coke addict; you simply lack dope
And if it's true that your pleasure's from your pain
Then it might be an idea to remain in this game
If you're sane, you'll refrain from increasing my disdain
Because I'm no player, I'm a slayer of rhymes with no brain...

**** just got Messi, you heard it mate
its like you just controlled the ball...with perfect grace
sprinted past one defender, pranced past another
OP needs to enhance if you wanna have a chance with contenders


game.set.match

[Jingers]

I never understand these threads.

Surely you guys must listen to a fair bit of rap to become interested in writing, so why do so many first attempts come off so basic and simple?

It's like you're only hearing the music and not listening.

[Megannnx]

I genuinely quite like it, especially the opening. But only criticism is there's probably a lot of raps like it with the same message - try and think of a subject unique to you and something that means a lot. Words should flow from there

[Id and Ego seek]

Those rigid, basic rhymes...

Like Carmen said, 'it's time to move, time to get loose, anywhere you are.'

[DotComBoom]

This thread is gold. And a lot better than the other rap threads as well!

[Cringe]

Lindor, celebrations, quality streets or roses,
ill split you in two like moses, spitting abusive battle raps, rampant attacks, tax you n make it look lax.
I take a sip of refreshing orange juice with bits, eat some ritz, then send you into the blitz. Eat that now you stupid cow.

[anonymouspie227]

I love this.
It makes me smile.