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Depressing

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    This is going to be a depressing post. Also a long one. But I need to talk about this.

    I was going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We were best friends before that and would hang out loads. After we become boyfriend and girlfriend we still saw each other as best friends as well. We were living together in a student house when we started our relationship. So I guess in a way we missed the stage of dating and getting to know each other and we got so close to each other fast. At the time I worried things were moving too quickly but they worked out perfectly. When the next year of uni came we still lived in the same house as each other.

    We've always had separate rooms (but our rooms are next to each other) so we could do our own thing, but we would spend some time with each other every/most days, mostly in the evening and during the day/evening at weekends. We would sleep in the same bed and wake up together every morning, we would cook together everyday. If I had any worries then he would be the first person I talked to. I would also just chat to him about any random thing. He was the person I trusted most (except my family). I could do stupid things with him without caring. I felt so comfortable with him. I loved him so much and I thought he loved me too. We were meant to be living together with other students next year at uni too.

    Last week, he cheated on me. He went on a night out, ended up drinking way too much and got together with some girl and ended up going back to her house. That same night I woke up at a ridiculously early time in the morning and as soon as I discovered he hadn't come back home I started worrying, anything could have happened to him. I phoned him and no answer. Eventually he phoned back with some obvious made up story and I asked him if he had been with a girl. He hung up straight away and wouldn't talk to me. The next day by text he told me how angry and sick he felt that I accused him of cheating (although I didn't accuse him) and blah blah and I felt ridiculously guilty, because I did trust him. I spent the whole day hating myself but still had hopes this would fix itself and that he just needed some time to cool down. We both needed to talk properly but he said he didn't want to talk to me until after the weekend.

    The day after I noticed on facebook that he was now single. He didn't even have the guts to break up with me to my face. I had to find out on facebook which made me so upset and angry. He said that he still wanted to be friends and hang out with me though. The next day was his birthday party which he said he wanted me at.

    So I turned up. It was so difficult to be there, and not be my normal self around this guy who two days before was my boyfriend. It was extremely hard. Then hours later I found out from a friend that he had cheated on me so of course I confronted him straight away. Shouted at him more like. I was so angry that he lied to me. He still carried on lying about some things even after I found out. His response was that he couldn't be bothered to listen to me and that he wouldn't let me ruin his birthday. I would much rather if he had come to me the next day and told me he went off with some girl. It would still have hurt, but at least then I would know that he is a decent guy for telling me. but no. he couldn't even do that.

    After a lot of crying and support from a housemate I phoned my mum who come to pick me up.

    The next day I returned to the uni house and me and the cheater talked. He said he don't know why he did it, he was so drunk and didn't remember anything. He said that it hurt for him and he needed to get over me too. He said that he didn't tell me about him cheating because he didn't want to hurt me. He said he still loved me and he wish he didn't do what he did but now he just wants to be good friends.


    Some days later it became clear that he's been hiding so much from me. It appears that it wasn't just a stupid one night stand, he knew this girl before. Who knows if anything has happened between them on nights out before!! He says that nothing has happened before but I don't know whether to believe him or not. I believe that he is still talking to her. It feels like he is hiding so much from me. I know the truth and he still feels the need to lie to me.

    It's hard for me to be in the same house as him. Whenever I see him/hear him moving around/hear his voice I get angry and then that makes me sad.

    I still love this guy. I hate him for what he has done to me, but I still love him. I can't just switch off feelings like that. I feel like I have lost a best friend as well as a boyfriend. It's been 10 days since that night out and I have cried every day since. He says that he wants to be friends and since I found out about the cheating and we've talked, he has talked to me every day since on facebook, just about general stuff that we'd normally talk about. Although I haven't said much. When we see each other in the house he acts friendly towards me although I find it hard to act friendly back. I think he has started seeing this girl that he cheated on me with. I have no evidence, but that's what it seems like... I think he might have even stayed at her house then other night...so it didn't take him long to get over me! It wonders whether he really liked me at all in the first place.

    I just don't know what to do! I see him always going out with his friends since this happened. I have no one. I sit in my room each night feeling sorry for myself. I have.. acquaintances. But I don't have any proper friends really. Everyone has now moved out of our student house for easter except me and this cheating guy because we still have uni next week. I have so much uni work to do and deadlines and I just can't concentrate, I just feel like giving up. I just can't work.

    I actually feel like I don't want to live any more. It sounds pathetic feeling this over one guy. But this guy has been a massive part of my life for over two years, I can't forget that in a hurry. I feel like I have nothing except my uni work and I can see myself failing that now. I have tried so hard to stay positive over the last few days, I really have tried. I miss this guy too much. I even tried getting drunk in the evenings to make them go faster and it worked, but I felt even worse in the mornings. I've been missing uni lectures and I just feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. I feel so sad and hurt and betrayed. I have never felt so sad and hurt in all my life before and I just don't know what to do!

    I'm only writing this because I want someone to talk to about it. I have talked to my mum and a housemate about the whole thing but I can't keep going on and on about it and I've told them how hurt etc I am but haven't told them my true feelings. I hate that he's getting on with his life and I can't. I want him to see me getting on with my life, I don't want him to see me all depressed and sad, I want him to think I'm over this already. But every time I try, things seem to go the other way and get worse. I know it's early days yet, it hasn't even been 2 weeks. But I feel so depressed already and just want to end this sadness.

    I don't know what to do with myself!

    If anyone is going to write a negative comment about this then just don't bother. You can't make me feel any more worse than I am feeling right now.

    Thanks for reading if you have got to the bottom of this!
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    Firstly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifq4bYZnYrc

    Secondly, you're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Try to look at the positives that have come out of your relationship although I can understand how at this stage that's hard. I know you said it's hard to concentrate on anything at the moment and I can empathise with that too (I broke up with a boyfriend of two years just before I had my Alevels and even though I was young back then at the time it seemed absolutely awful, I couldn't concentrate in my exams and absolutely kick myself for that today). It seems like the worst thing ever right now but in a few years you'll look back and hopefully be glad that his nature was revealed to you now rather than a few years down the line. He wouldn't have stayed with you as long as he did if he hadn't had really really strong feelings for you so don't ever doubt yourself.

    Time to move onwards and upwards, regardless of how hard it feels. The sooner you get out there and try to make yourself happier the sooner you'll be yourself again. Don't let him feel sorry for you, that's not what you want. You want him to see how strong you are
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    It was too much at such a young age to be living together, spending so much time together right from the begining of the relationship. It sounds simplistic but most guys under 25 don't really like being trapped or tied down. He had probably been contemplating ending it for some time and this was almost an escape route where it didn't have to be completely down to him to break up. I know it sucks, it's happened to me before but you really need to tell yourself that he isn't worth it - keep the good memories and realise that the happiness you felt with him came from within you, and you can easily feel it again with someone else in the future. Good luck
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Gingens)
    Firstly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifq4bYZnYrc

    Secondly, you're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Try to look at the positives that have come out of your relationship although I can understand how at this stage that's hard. I know you said it's hard to concentrate on anything at the moment and I can empathise with that too (I broke up with a boyfriend of two years just before I had my Alevels and even though I was young back then at the time it seemed absolutely awful, I couldn't concentrate in my exams and absolutely kick myself for that today). It seems like the worst thing ever right now but in a few years you'll look back and hopefully be glad that his nature was revealed to you now rather than a few years down the line. He wouldn't have stayed with you as long as he did if he hadn't had really really strong feelings for you so don't ever doubt yourself.

    Time to move onwards and upwards, regardless of how hard it feels. The sooner you get out there and try to make yourself happier the sooner you'll be yourself again. Don't let him feel sorry for you, that's not what you want. You want him to see how strong you are
    Thank you for replying
    When people say stuff like this it makes me want to try even harder!

    I just wish I could get over this. I want to be friends with him, I feel like I've known him for too long for that to mean nothing at all. But then part of me feels like why should I be friends with him when he's done this. There's this big conflict going through my head the whole time. It's weird, I just want a big hug from him and for him to tell me everything is going to be ok - that's what normally happens when I'm upset.

    Anyway thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for replying
    When people say stuff like this it makes me want to try even harder!

    I just wish I could get over this. I want to be friends with him, I feel like I've known him for too long for that to mean nothing at all. But then part of me feels like why should I be friends with him when he's done this. There's this big conflict going through my head the whole time. It's weird, I just want a big hug from him and for him to tell me everything is going to be ok - that's what normally happens when I'm upset.

    Anyway thanks
    You're welcome.

    You can and you will get over this. Maybe eventually you can be friends with him but if I were you I'd ask him to stop contacting me for at least a few weeks so that in you're head it's clear that it's over, other wise it can be very difficult to be just friends. Is there no one else at all you can have a hug from? :hugs:
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Gingens)
    You're welcome.

    You can and you will get over this. Maybe eventually you can be friends with him but if I were you I'd ask him to stop contacting me for at least a few weeks so that in you're head it's clear that it's over, other wise it can be very difficult to be just friends. Is there no one else at all you can have a hug from? :hugs:
    My Mum will give me a hug. But from him it's just so.. comforting!
    I can't really ask him to stop contacting me as we live in the same uni house and I don't want things to be awkward. It's weird because I spend all the time wanting him to contact me. Then when he does I don't put much effort into the conversation and am slightly cold towards him. I suppose I should just distance myself from him and stop hoping he will contact me.
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    You have to try and focus on building your life back up! This guy has occupied you life for so long, and now he's gone, you have nothing left to do and no one left to talk to. This guy must be a real jerk to break up with you over a social networking site... and saying he hopes you and him can remain friends... :mad: There will be some people on this forum which have experienced very similar situations, and a few may respond to your post, so maybe you could talk to one of them for support and advice on how to deal with everything, and how you can get yourself out of this predicament. Focusing on university and getting back in touch with your friends on facebook will boost your confidence and will make you feel happier. But wow... what a dickhead for a boyfriend. Just be glad he has left you, because he was just wasting your time whilst he was giving another girl attention and keeping you in the dark about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My Mum will give me a hug. But from him it's just so.. comforting!
    I can't really ask him to stop contacting me as we live in the same uni house and I don't want things to be awkward. It's weird because I spend all the time wanting him to contact me. Then when he does I don't put much effort into the conversation and am slightly cold towards him. I suppose I should just distance myself from him and stop hoping he will contact me.
    I completely understand why you feel like that. My ex all of a sudden started contacting me loads because he said he felt bad about it and it made it so hard for me not to want to talk to him. I'd say carry on as you are if you feel it's the best way for you to deal with it. Definitely try to get out of the house as much as you can and out and about. It's a shame the weather's going down hill again else you could have been out in the sunshine
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    (Original post by SugarPuffs)
    You have to try and focus on building your life back up! This guy has occupied you life for so long, and now he's gone, you have nothing left to do and no one left to talk to. This guy must be a real jerk to break up with you over a social networking site... and saying he hopes you and him can remain friends... :mad: There will be some people on this forum which have experienced very similar situations, and a few may respond to your post, so maybe you could talk to one of them for support and advice on how to deal with everything, and how you can get yourself out of this predicament. Focusing on university and getting back in touch with your friends on facebook will boost your confidence and will make you feel happier. But wow... what a dickhead for a boyfriend. Just be glad he has left you, because he was just wasting your time whilst he was giving another girl attention and keeping you in the dark about it.

    By the sounds of things he wasn't giving just one girl attention...

    He seems that he was continuously flirting with many girls.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    By the sounds of things he wasn't giving just one girl attention...

    He seems that he was continuously flirting with many girls.
    Okay seriously... what did you see in this guy that was so dazzling? :rolleyes: 1 1/2 years wasted with that guy by the sounds of it.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Gingens)
    I completely understand why you feel like that. My ex all of a sudden started contacting me loads because he said he felt bad about it and it made it so hard for me not to want to talk to him. I'd say carry on as you are if you feel it's the best way for you to deal with it. Definitely try to get out of the house as much as you can and out and about. It's a shame the weather's going down hill again else you could have been out in the sunshine
    Yeah, I did go out to a party last night. Although I wasn't feeling in the partying mood I went to make friends. Although I did make a fool out of myself when I started crying - I just couldn't hold it in any more! And some guy wouldn't leave me alone and tried to kiss me which didn't help lol.

    And I'm going out tonight with my mum.

    Thank you for your help It's good to know that others have been through the same sort of situation and have gotten through it ok.
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    (Original post by SugarPuffs)
    Okay seriously... what did you see in this guy that was so dazzling? :rolleyes: 1 1/2 years wasted with that guy by the sounds of it.
    I didn't know at the time. I found out when it was too late.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't know at the time. I found out when it was too late.
    Bad luck I suppose So are you going to be doing anything for the next few weeks/months to try and forget about this guy? Please tell me you're not going to remain friends with this guy?
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    (Original post by SugarPuffs)
    Bad luck I suppose So are you going to be doing anything for the next few weeks/months to try and forget about this guy? Please tell me you're not going to remain friends with this guy?
    Yes, very bad luck
    I don't really know what I can do to try and get over him. I have loads of uni work to do and exams to revise for so I'll have to try and concentrate on that. I will also visit my parents as much as possible so I can get away from him. I guess I'll have to get out there at some point to try and make some friends. It's just so hard to think about any of this at the moment though.

    I do want to stay friends with him. At the moment I am feeling like how on earth can I be friends when he has done this to me. But there was a point when we were such good friends and I can't stop thinking about all the good times we had together and how nicely he used to treat me. I guess it's early days yet. In a few months time I might not want to be friends with him or I might, I don't know yet.

    We have a holiday planned and I have a ticket to go to a festival with him and his mates. He says we can still do these things. I am unsure.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, very bad luck
    I don't really know what I can do to try and get over him. I have loads of uni work to do and exams to revise for so I'll have to try and concentrate on that. I will also visit my parents as much as possible so I can get away from him. I guess I'll have to get out there at some point to try and make some friends. It's just so hard to think about any of this at the moment though.

    I do want to stay friends with him. At the moment I am feeling like how on earth can I be friends when he has done this to me. But there was a point when we were such good friends and I can't stop thinking about all the good times we had together and how nicely he used to treat me. I guess it's early days yet. In a few months time I might not want to be friends with him or I might, I don't know yet.

    We have a holiday planned and I have a ticket to go to a festival with him and his mates. He says we can still do these things. I am unsure.
    Well I hope you do okay in your exams! I understand you still feel very connected to him, what with him being your best friend and ex-boyfriend, so trying to forget about him would be extremely difficult only 2-3 weeks after the break-up. It's up to you if you want to still go on holiday with him and go to a festival with him, but I suggest you cut contact with him for a while, just so you can sort your head out and fully concentrate on your revision and exams. Having him around will just make you feel even more upset and angry with him. But then again, you might feel fine after another week or so since it's still early days like you've said.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by SugarPuffs)
    Well I hope you do okay in your exams! I understand you still feel very connected to him, what with him being your best friend and ex-boyfriend, so trying to forget about him would be extremely difficult only 2-3 weeks after the break-up. It's up to you if you want to still go on holiday with him and go to a festival with him, but I suggest you cut contact with him for a while, just so you can sort your head out and fully concentrate on your revision and exams. Having him around will just make you feel even more upset and angry with him. But then again, you might feel fine after another week or so since it's still early days like you've said.
    Thank you so much for your help

    It's been good to talk about it to people who I don't know. Sometimes when you're talking to people you know you can see that feeling sorry look on their face or they try and say the right thing to make you feel better which is not necessarily what you want to hear.

    So thanks!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your help

    It's been good to talk about it to people who I don't know. Sometimes when you're talking to people you know you can see that feeling sorry look on their face or they try and say the right thing to make you feel better which is not necessarily what you want to hear.

    So thanks!!
    Okay :yy: Good luck

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