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My friend, she confuses me, grr!

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    • Thread Starter
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    Right, okay.

    Sorry if the title isn't very descriptive, but well, I have no idea what to call it. Anyway, before I blurt on to what's causing my confusion, I should really provide the back story.

    I became rather infatuated with one of my closest friends about four years ago (she at one point called me her "best friend"...), and I finally had the guts to tell her - two years ago. And well, after the rejection she remained a very close friend.

    Anyway, what I'm confused about is what she keeps on doing - whenever she was rejected/dumped comes a-crying and saying "why does no one like me" followed by when she finds someone she likes, she comes to me, again crying, "I'm sad, I don't know what to do in <situation>..." and then when I finally get around to try to help her she immediately shuts her self away by saying something along the lines of "considering the past I shouldn't talk about this" - even though I know EXACTLY what she's going on about without her needing to explain it.

    The amount of times she's done this is unbelievable - here's a paraphrase of something she said to me a couple of weeks ago: "I know you still somewhat have feelings for me so I'm not going to tell you this next part so I don't know whether to go out with someone or not ... don't know what to do" and the list goes on.

    In fact, the only thing she speaks about nowadays is bloody relationships. *sigh*

    My logical part tells me to get as far away from her as possible - the illogical part tells me to stay and be a supportive friend to her, despite everything that's happened.

    Is she treating me like a doormat (IE, just using me as an emotional tampon) or does she have issues...?

    (Note: this'll probably come up; no, she doesn't like me in that way/have feelings for me in that way. Perhaps her mentioning the new "BF" should put that to rest anyway...)
    • 9 followers
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    Let her know how you feel. She may come to realise that her behaviour has upset you and the friendship you have,
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    if I was you I'd tell her that you like her and that she should take her boyfriend troubles elsewhere because it pisses you off.
    • 28 followers
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    A friendship never survives a rejection like that.

    She's wittering on about her friends' emotions and all that, all the while you're just thinking about having sex with her.

    It's a pointless situation, and you're being a mug.

    No need to be rude to her or anything, but just move on. There's nothing left there for either of you.
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    Why do people never listen to their logical side?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, okay.

    Sorry if the title isn't very descriptive, but well, I have no idea what to call it. Anyway, before I blurt on to what's causing my confusion, I should really provide the back story.

    I became rather infatuated with one of my closest friends about four years ago (she at one point called me her "best friend"...), and I finally had the guts to tell her - two years ago. And well, after the rejection she remained a very close friend.

    Anyway, what I'm confused about is what she keeps on doing - whenever she was rejected/dumped comes a-crying and saying "why does no one like me" followed by when she finds someone she likes, she comes to me, again crying, "I'm sad, I don't know what to do in <situation>..." and then when I finally get around to try to help her she immediately shuts her self away by saying something along the lines of "considering the past I shouldn't talk about this" - even though I know EXACTLY what she's going on about without her needing to explain it.

    The amount of times she's done this is unbelievable - here's a paraphrase of something she said to me a couple of weeks ago: "I know you still somewhat have feelings for me so I'm not going to tell you this next part so I don't know whether to go out with someone or not ... don't know what to do" and the list goes on.

    In fact, the only thing she speaks about nowadays is bloody relationships. *sigh*

    My logical part tells me to get as far away from her as possible - the illogical part tells me to stay and be a supportive friend to her, despite everything that's happened.

    Is she treating me like a doormat (IE, just using me as an emotional tampon) or does she have issues...?

    (Note: this'll probably come up; no, she doesn't like me in that way/have feelings for me in that way. Perhaps her mentioning the new "BF" should put that to rest anyway...)
    That's a hard one, she wants you there clearly, however looking at the issue,it seems like she uses to reassure herself that people do like her.

    It's quite hard, try distancing yourself slightly from her..... try not to get involved talking to her about her relationships. It might help....
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    She has no interest in you other than being friends. If you cannot accept that then you should move on. Woman are wonderful and mysterious emotional beings that men will never completely understand. Good luck!
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    hah an emotional tampon.. brilliant...
    but it does sound like she sees you as her gay best friend and/or doormat. what you should do is start talking to her about your own relationship issues, and see how she responds... maybe it will make her realise how mindnumbing it is to have her come crying to you all the time, or at least that in a friendship you should be able to talk about yourself and your problems too, not just hers. it will also remind her that she isn't the only girl you ever think about (even if she is...) She probably has the mindset of "he's in love with me... so he'll want to listen to all my crap and help me". Maybe tell her you like someone else, then she won't feel like you 'belong' to her any more. but you never can tell.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Well, she does know that I like someone else - in fact she brings that up quite often too, which again, makes me believe we pretty much only talk about relationships. *sigh*
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Right, a couple of months have passed, and something significant has happened. She hasn't talked to me for a couple of months and now she has got a (bookface official!) LDR-boyfriend, which I happened to find out (reliably may I add) via a friend of a friend of a friend.

    As it was during a near-30 hour hardcore-programming-and-watching-German-game-show-whilst-living-on-Apple-juice stint I was wee bit wired, so I went onto her Facebook profile to check (I hardly ever use it, surprisingly) and with the shock of the thing - okay, it wasn't unexpected seeing as I knew more than most people - but in my tired rage* I just hit the block and delete button and went to bed.

    When I woke up, I was in two worlds as to whether I had made the right decision or not - and in my mind one half of me was shouting "but she was one of your closest friends... ever!" and the other quarter was shouting "yes, but she used me!" and another quarter was shouting "she has a boyfriend now... why does she even need you!" - as you could probably guess, I do have some self esteem issues.

    Because I can't exactly go back to how things were two or so years ago - actually I'm not sure if I want them to go back to how things were... - I'm just wondering if my turning into a right selfish bitch was the right thing to do in this situation?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm just wondering if my turning into a right selfish bitch was the right thing to do in this situation?
    I wouldn't say you've been a selfish bitch. It's your life, you have to do what makes you happy and get rid of the stuff in your life that makes you unhappy.
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    WOW what a significant event, blocking someone on FACEBOOK :congrats:

    She won't even care.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just hit the block and delete button and went to bed.
    In your situation, i think this was the best decision. You're clearly not going to be able to have a normal friendship with her and this will help you move on. Screw her feelings, be a little selfish.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    WOW what a significant event, blocking someone on FACEBOOK :congrats:

    She won't even care.
    She's one of those people that believes Facebook is an extension of one's mind - as she's said to me quite a time, that she'd be "quite upset" if someone, especially someone as close to her as myself (which she did admit, was pretty close) had "defriended" her on any social networking site.

    I hate that word, "defriended" - it's utter tripe.
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    (Original post by CarloUSA)
    She has no interest in you other than being friends. If you cannot accept that then you should move on. Woman are wonderful and mysterious emotional beings that men will never completely understand. Good luck!


    100% agree with this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's one of those people that believes Facebook is an extension of one's mind - as she's said to me quite a time, that she'd be "quite upset" if someone, especially someone as close to her as myself (which she did admit, was pretty close) had "defriended" her on any social networking site.

    I hate that word, "defriended" - it's utter tripe.



    Childish
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...
    What's with the neg rep?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    WOW what a significant event, blocking someone on FACEBOOK :congrats:

    She won't even care.
    And that's where you're wrong! She's been non-stop texting me, asking (okay, demanding) me why I removed her as a friend - she's also been texting her friends, saying that she's worried about me.

    I think she cared about that!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And that's where you're wrong! She's been non-stop texting me, asking (okay, demanding) me why I removed her as a friend - she's also been texting her friends, saying that she's worried about me.

    I think she cared about that!
    People are dying all over the world from famine, war, disease - and you're friend is worried about you because you removed her as a friend from facebook?

    Why don't you talk to her instead of texting and facebooking?

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Updated: April 5, 2012
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