[T-Toe]

It's addressed to more than one agent. I haven't heard back from them in over a month so I guess I've come across as an overly-pretentious prick. Should I scrap the letter all together?

Dear Agents,
I am passionate about acting and would want nothing than to modify my craft as an actor. If given the opportunity to have you represent me, I will fully engross myself in anything offered to me as I ensure that my work ethic and commitment is on maximum velocity. I am extremely easy to work with, courteous, ambitious and determined. I have always wanted to fulfil a career in acting and I am determined to show you that you will not be disappointed in accepting me. I am very good at being directed and always make sure that I show plenty of enthusiasm throughout tasks instructed to me. I am very devoted to acting and will not let you down.
I am currently awaiting a response from castings set by the National Youth Theatre; such included the chance to perform at the Olympics. Being a member of my university’s Theatre Arts Society has ensured that I am able to audition for films and theatre productions, all which will enhance my skills as well as experience.
I will look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Thank you for your time
Yours faithfully

[threeportdrift]

(Original post by T-Toe)

• I am passionate about acting and would want nothing than to modify my craft as an actor.
• If given the opportunity to have you represent me, I will fully engross myself in anything offered to me as I ensure that my work ethic and commitment is on maximum velocity.
• I am extremely easy to work with, courteous, ambitious and determined. < who is going to say anything else?
• I have always wanted to fulfil a career in acting and I am determined to show you that you will not be disappointed in accepting me. < poor construction and who wouldn't say this?
• I am very good at being directed and always make sure that I show plenty of enthusiasm throughout tasks instructed to me. < poor construction
• I am very devoted to acting and will not let you down. < more waffle anyone would say
• I am currently awaiting a response from castings set by the National Youth Theatre; such included the chance to perform at the Olympics. <this is useful
• Being a member of my university’s Theatre Arts Society has ensured that I am able to audition for films and theatre productions, all which will enhance my skills as well as experience. < I'm not sure that being a member has ensured, but otherwise it's ok
• I will look forward to hearing from you in the near future. < You don't need both of these
• Thank you for your time < You don't need both of these

Yes, scrap it. The language you are using is very forced, and you aren't saying anything that anyone wouldn't say, ie it is almost completely generic. The words in bold are forced and unnatural. Break it down into sentences and list them. The only time you really talk about yourself is in the last paragraph, and even then, you make claims that don't really stand up.

You need to sound honest, so that means using everyday language. You need to sound credible, which means giving evidence, not just claiming/ You need to create a persuasive argument about your value to the company, which means you need to have a clear idea about what they are looking for, and frame yourself around that.

[T-Toe]

(Original post by threeportdrift)
Yes, scrap it. The language you are using is very forced, and you aren't saying anything that anyone wouldn't say, ie it is almost completely generic. The words in bold are forced and unnatural. Break it down into sentences and list them. The only time you really talk about yourself is in the last paragraph, and even then, you make claims that don't really stand up.

You need to sound honest, so that means using everyday language. You need to sound credible, which means giving evidence, not just claiming/ You need to create a persuasive argument about your value to the company, which means you need to have a clear idea about what they are looking for, and frame yourself around that.

Thanks threeportdrift, I want an agent and I'm trying so hard to impress them, but it seems I'm doing the opposite. I'm quite unfamiliar with covering letters; I struggle persuade companies to take me on. I know what to say but not how to say it.

I don't think I have anything that would make me stand out. On paper I'm generic. I would ideally like my audition to speak for itself...

I'll read more into the agency and try to make a decent covering letter. I'll post it on here if you're willing to look at it. I've already sent them my resume and covering letter and I feel quite embarrassed as they're terrible. Do you think it's worth sending it to them again?

I haven't had much time to look at your feedback on my CV, I have two CVs, a standard CV and an entertainer's CV. The one I sent you is not the standard CV.

[threeportdrift]

(Original post by T-Toe)
...............

It didn't seem to me that you were 'generic' form your CVs, but we need to work on what unique features are best to bring out in a covering letter.

I've commented on the CVs, I think the thing you are trying to create for the casting agent is too far from a CV to be called a CV, but anyway - we can work on that as well.

[BexiG]

(Original post by T-Toe)
Dear Agents

I won't go over what the other have stated because they make good points. What I did notice is the Dear Agents... Do not send out a cover letter and CV out to several agents and letting them know you have done so. In an email you can send the same thing to many people without them know you have done so. But personally I just send emails separately, and adjust the email slightly depending on whom I am sending it to.

Dear Sir/Madam
To whom it may concern
Dear Mr Jones

Make it personal to the person or company you are applying for. Also state why you want them personally to represent you. Do your research on the company/agent!

[Little Jules]

BeXiG is absolutely right. Lots of employers wont look at anything generic, you need to make it more personal. Look up the person you are contacting and try to make each one more specific.

[keyboard-warrior]

(Original post by T-Toe)
It's addressed to more than one agent. I haven't heard back from them in over a month so I guess I've come across as an overly-pretentious prick. Should I scrap the letter all together?

Dear Agents,
I am passionate about acting and would want nothing than to modify my craft as an actor. If given the opportunity to have you represent me, I will fully engross myself in anything offered to me as I ensure that my work ethic and commitment is on maximum velocity. I am extremely easy to work with, courteous, ambitious and determined. I have always wanted to fulfil a career in acting and I am determined to show you that you will not be disappointed in accepting me. I am very good at being directed and always make sure that I show plenty of enthusiasm throughout tasks instructed to me. I am very devoted to acting and will not let you down.
I am currently awaiting a response from castings set by the National Youth Theatre; such included the chance to perform at the Olympics. Being a member of my university’s Theatre Arts Society has ensured that I am able to audition for films and theatre productions, all which will enhance my skills as well as experience.
I will look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Thank you for your time
Yours faithfully

bits in bold are espiscially cringe-worthy in what is otherwise a decent looking letter

[catoswyn]

(Original post by T-Toe)
It's addressed to more than one agent. I haven't heard back from them in over a month so I guess I've come across as an overly-pretentious prick. Should I scrap the letter all together?

Dear Agents,
I am passionate about acting and would want nothing than to modify my craft as an actor. If given the opportunity to have you represent me, I will fully engross myself in anything offered to me as I ensure that my work ethic and commitment is on maximum velocity. I am extremely easy to work with, courteous, ambitious and determined. I have always wanted to fulfil a career in acting and I am determined to show you that you will not be disappointed in accepting me. I am very good at being directed and always make sure that I show plenty of enthusiasm throughout tasks instructed to me. I am very devoted to acting and will not let you down.
I am currently awaiting a response from castings set by the National Youth Theatre; such included the chance to perform at the Olympics. Being a member of my university’s Theatre Arts Society has ensured that I am able to audition for films and theatre productions, all which will enhance my skills as well as experience.
I will look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Thank you for your time
Yours faithfully

Good feedback from people regarding the language used. However there is a more important point in that I think you are actually giving the wrong impression too.

By this I mean the letter reads like you are a student still learning your craft and developing, which may be true of course. Actors are always learning and growing throughout their life. However an agent isn't bothered about any of that. They don't want to nurture you or develop you... they want to sell you. They want to know what you offer now. For me the phrases I have highlighted above make you sound like a student rather than a person ready for professional auditions and work. Leave out the emotions and be more concise. They are very busy people and will give your application about twenty seconds if you're lucky. They assume you can audition... that's like a writer telling them they can actually write.

You also only mention directed work which implies a lack of experience with other forms such as devised so I would also look at including a phrase such as the following (if true of course).

'I am familar with a range of styles and forms and am at ease with either directed or devised work.'

You are up against people who are being trained in Drama schools. I would only mention the university drama society in my CV rather than making it the focus of my letter. Choose a couple of strengths to highlight... real practical strengths like... 'my particular strength is in voice over work...' or whatever may be the case.

Good luck...