[GoingInsane]

When someone does something "bad", for instance (cheating, lying, steal etc..)

Why do people seem to define the person on that bad thing they did? Even if they may have done everything else right; its usually the one bad thing they've done that overshadows everything else.

On the other hand, there are some people who will repeatdly cheat, lie, steal whatever the bad thing is, who fair enough are rightly defined by their actions.

Have you done this? Have you been the victim of this? What are your views?

[xcesciee]

I'm so so glad someone's kind of, opened this up.
My ex ended it with me after being in love me for 5 years, and us being together for 3 (he was my best friend for the entirety of the 5, I refused to begin with cos I didn't want to ruin it).

He's gone to uni, not seeing me every day, has taken every bad thing about me, even stuff that happened before we got together, and warped me in his head and fallen out of love with me. I'm still reeling, there's nothing I can do. I've tried for 6 months now to get him to see me and I've seen him once this year, for him to break up with me, and another time for 5 seconds where he slammed the door in my face and said we couldn't be friends cos I feel for him more than he does for me, it's guilty and awkward.

Idk how I feel. Obviously heartbroken, obviously the fact that his views aren't all true. My good outweighs my bad and he just won't give me the chance to right what I am certain is a complete phase. So it's his loss where I can't make up for where we've gone wrong.

But yeah. I believe you should trust people's hearts and forgive and all that stuff. Your gut instinct. Yeah, I'm 'that type' of girl.

[xcesciee]

Although, whenever a guy's cheated on me, I've ended it and never gone back. If this specific ex did that though, cos I love him insanely, I reckon I'd take him back. Though it would hurt me like hell cos he isn't like that, and I honestly believe he never would.
Kinda one of the trillions of reasons why I tried for him, but yeah, it's not working out.

[Lucia.]

It's easier to focus on the bad so you move on...a bit of healthy distrust is better than being naive about the goodness of people. Everyone has to prove themselves by their actions. If people didn't categorise others so easily, they'd be less likely to try and make themselves into a better person.

As for people having negative opinions of you...Only you know your own heart. Your closest friends and family will know and appreciate you for who you are. You have to pick the people who really treasure you and don't put as much into others' opinions. To thine own self be true, and all that.

For example, I'm far from saintly and have done some terrible things. I know that to some people I will be defined by that. I've accepted this as a consequence of my actions. What's important to me, however, is that I don't define myself by it. If I did, I would never be able to move on from it. So really what you have to be doing is thinking more on your own terms, and not putting your self-worth wholly in the opinions of others.

[Sophiemaybabe]

it makes people feel better when theyre int he right and youre in the wrong i suppose