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How sensitive should we be?

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    • Thread Starter

    So, today Friend A received a graduate job offer. Naturally, he's very happy and would love to celebrate with his friends. However, the two he has told (excluding me) warned that he should be a bit muted; Friend B is just shy of two years since graduation, and in that time she has only had a Christmas temp job.

    I was thinking about that advice. Part of me is thinking fair enough, it would be a bit gutting for Friend B to know Friend A found it easy. But another part is saying that it's not like Friend A stole this job from her - they're in completely different fields, she's not applying for the same jobs that he is. Her not having a job yet is nothing to do with Friend A.

    Which leads me to my main question: how sensitive should we be regarding other peoples' feelings? In the situation above, would it be insensitive for Friend A to express happiness at his luck or reasonable to expect Friend B to view the situations as separate?

    sounds like friend B is a bit of a poor friend if they cant be happy for their friend because of their own circumstances.
    dont rub it in friend B's face, but he shouldnt have to feel guilty about being succesful.

    I think that mentioning it to friend B is fine but any continued conversation about it started by friend A is insensitive.

    Sensitivity is pointless.

    Im graduating soon and I have loads of friends getting interviews or already got offers and I've heard nothing back!
    The 1st time it was mentioned I was happy for them but if they had of kept going on about it, it would have got really irritating because it just brings back how stressful my situation is
    I think it's ok to mention it and have a celebration drink etc but that's it.. if it keeps being mentioned it will stress out your other friend
    • Thread Starter

    So basically, having a celebration drink is fine, but maybe not going on about how simple the process was and how relieving it is to have a job?

    I see no problem with this. By all means they should celebrate the job offer! If I was person B I think I would be annoyed if I noticed them skirting round the subject. Similar to how irritated I get when people get high marks in an exam and say things like 'oh I did not do very well' and then claim how well you are doing. They should celebrate and naturally their friends should be happy for them whatever their personal situation.

    So "I've been unsuccessful for some time so nobody else can celebrate"?

    Bit selfish in my opinion. As long as A isn't rubbing it in all the time or just 'mentioning my brand new cool job' in every conversation, it should be fine.

    I'd feel considerably more irritated if I felt people were consciously avoiding talking about it in order to preserve my feelings than if they had a normal celebration of something good happening.


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