[Anonymous]

i dont know what to do, i found out this morning my mum is depressed... i have never had to deal with anything like this before, i am doing my a levels i have just turned 18. she frequently lashes out at me for small things and she is not nice to be around, we are very close but now i dont want to do much with her anymore but im scared ill make things worse. my parents are still together but i am not very close with my dad. we have had money problems over the last 2 years and i know she has insomnia. what should i do???? i dont want to tell anyone i know.

we had relationship problems 2 yrs ago and i went to my head of year at school and she said that maybe partly the reason for it was because my mum had a problem with me growing up - a sort of 'as i lose my looks my daughter gains hers' - but i dont think thats right and it upset me that she said that.

[randdom]

(Original post by Anonymous)
i dont know what to do, i found out this morning my mum is depressed... i have never had to deal with anything like this before, i am doing my a levels i have just turned 18. she frequently lashes out at me for small things and she is not nice to be around, we are very close but now i dont want to do much with her anymore but im scared ill make things worse. my parents are still together but i am not very close with my dad. we have had money problems over the last 2 years and i know she has insomnia. what should i do???? i dont want to tell anyone i know.

we had relationship problems 2 yrs ago and i went to my head of year at school and she said that maybe partly the reason for it was because my mum had a problem with me growing up - a sort of 'as i lose my looks my daughter gains hers' - but i dont think thats right and it upset me that she said that.

When someone you know is depressed it can be really difficult. It can make them act in ways that they never would have done previously and that can be scarey and really quite difficult to cope with. It sounds like your whole family have had a really difficult few years so that probably hasn't helped matters. On a practical level it is probably most about looking after yourself as well as looking after your mum. Maybe offer to help out a bit more around the house to generally give your parents a bit of a break. Let her know that you are there for her and that you love her. Providing emotional support can be really hard when someone close to you is depressed but can be invaluable. It also might be worth confiding in a close friend as well so that you have someone to look after you.

Has your mum been to her GP to talk about how she has feeling. If not then that is probably something that it would be a good idea for her to do as they can help to manage her mood with various options not just antidepressants. If you don't feel that you can suggest to her that she goes to the GP then maybe you could consider having a word with your dad (I do appreciate that this might be difficult if your relationship with him isn't great) and ask him to try and get her to the GP.

It was a bit of an odd comment from your head of year. There are lots of reasons why someone could be depressed and as you have already said you have had a very difficult few years. I don't think that it is really fair to put your mums depression on you and your relationship.

Hopefully now that you know what the problem is (an once she is getting help) things will get a bit better.

Take care

[guantanamera]

this must be a pretty stressful time for you at the moment. it's important not to put it on your shoulders, your head of year shouldn't make throwaway comments about things she doesn't know anything about.
as for helping your mum, aside from reassuring that you are there for her, encourage her to see her GP and to open up to your dad.
you need support as well as your mother, whether it's from friends, teachers, or a counsellor if needs be.

[Bey Taco]

I know this is going to sound bad but try not to get in her way. Concentrate on your own studies, yourself and your future. Your mum wouldnt want you to put yourself into any distress trying to please her or help her out if you start loosing grips with things because of her she will start to feel like a burden to you so ignore her and allow her to get back to normal in her own time. She is a grown woman, a responsible woman who has lived many years and will know what is right and wrong, she just needs time, give her some space it is only a phase, do not be worried or stressed out as this is normal for women who reach a time when their children begin to grow up.

Good luck, remember keep your head up and behave like normal.

[rohana]

(Original post by Anonymous)
i dont know what to do, i found out this morning my mum is depressed... i have never had to deal with anything like this before, i am doing my a levels i have just turned 18. she frequently lashes out at me for small things and she is not nice to be around, we are very close but now i dont want to do much with her anymore but im scared ill make things worse. my parents are still together but i am not very close with my dad. we have had money problems over the last 2 years and i know she has insomnia. what should i do???? i dont want to tell anyone i know.

we had relationship problems 2 yrs ago and i went to my head of year at school and she said that maybe partly the reason for it was because my mum had a problem with me growing up - a sort of 'as i lose my looks my daughter gains hers' - but i dont think thats right and it upset me that she said that.

I'm not sure if this will help you or not, but I have been depressed for the past 2 years. The only things that helped me was that people still behaving normally towards me and constant distraction (food, work, other stuff). I know it must bee stressful for you, but just continue as usual and try providing her with distractions, like new recipes she can cook or some interesting book of her genre.

[Anonymous]

i tried to talk to her about today but she just laughed it off so i guess i was being silly