[goodmorningworld]

I wrote this in the time frame given in the exam by hand (and typed up separately), and I was wondering if anyone could mark the essay/give me a rough grade outline for what you think it would achieve: I am relatively confident on the other sections of the English Literature exams - just not this one
****

Question: How does the narrator feel about his father's behaviour following the death of his mother? How is this put across in the poem? (18 marks)

The poem 'Long Distance II' focuses on the effects of loss, specifically on the narrator and his father following the mother's death. The narrator's feelings towards his father's reaction to grief, are explored through the use of a variety of poetic techniques.

The narrator is shown to feel slightly resentful towards the way his father would "put you off an hour to give him time/ to clear away her things." The narrator too was grieving, though due at least in part to his incredibly firm belief that "life ends with death", he never even considered the idea that there could be a 'happy ending'. At the beginning, his father is "Dad", but later is described simply as "he", suggesting a lack of communication between the two family members. However, he also acts as if he understood his father and just wished to help: knowing that his "raw love", the pain still fresh, was not "such a crime". He did not want a "long distance" relationship with his father while the latter was still alive.

He is shown to be especially understanding of how his father was feeling, after his father's death. The father "couldn't risk my blight of disbelief" in a similar was that he felt similarly, still calling the "disconnected number" in the hope that someone would answer. When his father was still alive, after the mother's death, there was perhaps a lack of understanding - but later he understood the strength of his father's grief: when he had lost both parents and was feeling lonely.

The narrator's feelings towards his father's death, are developed by the poet through the use of second person, "you had to phone" as if he is talking directly to someone in his situation. This involves the reader and helps them to connect to the suffering of the forgotten son or daughter. It also highlights the narrator's desperation here, he "had to" obey and follow his father's routine. He is out of control in the face of his father's grief, and at the least,struggling to cope with what was happening when his mother was "already two years dead". In some ways, it is as if he wants to say these things to his father, but knows that he can never hear, so is trying to vent all his anger - even though now it doesn't matter, it is too late.

The title also highlights the way the narrator is feeling - "Long Distance II" shows that he felt the relationship with his father was incredibly strained; almost as if a part of his father had died alongside the mother. Equally, the narrator's loss of his family also shows the desperation to speak to his father (almost as if he didn't do enough to help "Dad" when he was alive), because he had already really lost the man before he had died. An alternative interpretation of the title, is it could represent the effects of the mother's - and later father's - death has. The 'line' is "disconnected", they are no longer here, but you still hope "she'd just popped out to get the tea".

Throughout the poem, the tense is changed to show the differing feelings of the narrator as he experiences further loss. The change from "he couldn't risk my blight of despair" to "disconnected number I still call" shows that he could no longer distract himself from his own feelings by trying to protect and help his father. Even though a considerable amount of time has passed, the narrator still wants the chance to make peace with his father that he will never be given.

Enjambment helps to show the way the father's behaviour affected him and created a disjointed life, affecting the narrator in a direct way: "look alone/ as though his still raw love". Equally, the use of end stopping makes a finite effect: there was no way to change his father's actions regarding the "transport pass"; he felt frustrated and perhaps even hopeless.

In conclusion, I think that the narrator's feelings towards his father's behaviour are shown in an effective way - highlighting the stark effect loss can have. He believed "life ends with death" yet still calls his father. The poem shows how hope can be misconstrued and can develop into something extreme, becoming damaging. Overall, the poem provoked a feeling of deep sadness - I felt for this person, who could not help his father.

[goodmorningworld]

bump

I'd love someone's advice if you have time!

[ArtisticFlair]

More detailed analysis required.

[estmick]

I don't think you should write in first person when giving your own opinion..(last paragraph).

I need to start revising

[goodmorningworld]

(Original post by estmick)
I don't think you should write in first person when giving your own opinion..(last paragraph).

I need to start revising

It was what I was told to do by my teacher
So what should I do instead, to show my point of view?

[goodmorningworld]

(Original post by ArtisticFlair)
More detailed analysis required.

Ok thanks
What grade do you think I would get for the current essay roughly?

[techno836]

(Original post by goodmorningworld)
I wrote this in the time frame given in the exam by hand (and typed up separately), and I was wondering if anyone could mark the essay/give me a rough grade outline for what you think it would achieve: I am relatively confident on the other sections of the English Literature exams - just not this one
****

Question: How does the narrator feel about his father's behaviour following the death of his mother? How is this put across in the poem? (18 marks)

The poem 'Long Distance II' focuses on the effects of loss, specifically on the narrator and his father following the mother's death. The narrator's feelings towards his father's reaction to grief, are explored through the use of a variety of poetic techniques.

The narrator is shown to feel slightly resentful towards the way his father would "put you off an hour to give him time/ to clear away her things." The narrator too was grieving, though due at least in part to his incredibly firm belief that "life ends with death", he never even considered the idea that there could be a 'happy ending'. At the beginning, his father is "Dad", but later is described simply as "he", suggesting a lack of communication between the two family members. However, he also acts as if he understood his father and just wished to help: knowing that his "raw love", the pain still fresh, was not "such a crime". He did not want a "long distance" relationship with his father while the latter was still alive.

He is shown to be especially understanding of how his father was feeling, after his father's death. The father "couldn't risk my blight of disbelief" in a similar was that he felt similarly, still calling the "disconnected number" in the hope that someone would answer. When his father was still alive, after the mother's death, there was perhaps a lack of understanding - but later he understood the strength of his father's grief: when he had lost both parents and was feeling lonely.

The narrator's feelings towards his father's death, are developed by the poet through the use of second person, "you had to phone" as if he is talking directly to someone in his situation. This involves the reader and helps them to connect to the suffering of the forgotten son or daughter. It also highlights the narrator's desperation here, he "had to" obey and follow his father's routine. He is out of control in the face of his father's grief, and at the least,struggling to cope with what was happening when his mother was "already two years dead". In some ways, it is as if he wants to say these things to his father, but knows that he can never hear, so is trying to vent all his anger - even though now it doesn't matter, it is too late.

The title also highlights the way the narrator is feeling - "Long Distance II" shows that he felt the relationship with his father was incredibly strained; almost as if a part of his father had died alongside the mother. Equally, the narrator's loss of his family also shows the desperation to speak to his father (almost as if he didn't do enough to help "Dad" when he was alive), because he had already really lost the man before he had died. An alternative interpretation of the title, is it could represent the effects of the mother's - and later father's - death has. The 'line' is "disconnected", they are no longer here, but you still hope "she'd just popped out to get the tea".

Throughout the poem, the tense is changed to show the differing feelings of the narrator as he experiences further loss. The change from "he couldn't risk my blight of despair" to "disconnected number I still call" shows that he could no longer distract himself from his own feelings by trying to protect and help his father. Even though a considerable amount of time has passed, the narrator still wants the chance to make peace with his father that he will never be given.

Enjambment helps to show the way the father's behaviour affected him and created a disjointed life, affecting the narrator in a direct way: "look alone/ as though his still raw love". Equally, the use of end stopping makes a finite effect: there was no way to change his father's actions regarding the "transport pass"; he felt frustrated and perhaps even hopeless.

In conclusion, I think that the narrator's feelings towards his father's behaviour are shown in an effective way - highlighting the stark effect loss can have. He believed "life ends with death" yet still calls his father. The poem shows how hope can be misconstrued and can develop into something extreme, becoming damaging. Overall, the poem provoked a feeling of deep sadness - I felt for this person, who could not help his father while also conveying a sense of fear shown by the dad ( you should definately develop on this point, as you read you get a feel that the father is scared).

develop slightly on the fear of the father :-)

[ummm]

(Original post by goodmorningworld)
It was what I was told to do by my teacher
So what should I do instead, to show my point of view?

Hey, I was always told not to write in first person. It kind of ruins the sense of professionalism and sophistication in your writing style that you should be aiming for! You can rephrase it.

[estmick]

(Original post by goodmorningworld)
It was what I was told to do by my teacher
So what should I do instead, to show my point of view?

lol..My English teacher told me not to write in first person.. you could just remove the "I"

[goodmorningworld]

(Original post by estmick)
lol..My English teacher told me not to write in first person.. you could just remove the "I"

Thanks, I wasn't show how to show what I felt without I
Yeah, my teacher give us a suggested essay structure, and that was the last part haha.

Do you guys have any idea what grade I might get for an essay similar to this?

[ArtisticFlair]

You would probably get about 14 or 15/18

[goodmorningworld]

(Original post by ArtisticFlair)
You would probably get about 14 or 15/18

Thanks Is that an A? That's what I'm hoping for in the exam haha

[techno836]

i would say 13 i think ...... and i believe thats the top end of a B ??

[Mohil]

(Original post by ArtisticFlair)
You would probably get about 14 or 15/18

The poem ‘Long Distance II’ gives the reader an implication of the difficulties with dealing with the theme of loss and grief, and the reader is made to feel sorry for the speaker who obviously misses his mother, and the poet uses language, imagery, structure and organisation in this poem to present her ideas effectively.
The poem focuses on the theme of mourning, and how people are unable to come to terms with loss. The fact that his ‘mother was already two years dead’, shows how the reader has been without a parental figure for two years, and it is likely that this has had significant consequences on his life. The reader is made to feel that he has however comes to grips with the topic, as he almost questions his dad’s action of ‘keeping the slippers warming by the gas’. The use of the present participle shows how even when writing the poem the poet feels as if his mother is alive. The poet does this to show that his mother has left a legacy so much that her life continues in the present tense. However the reader knows that there is a tragic truth with this, as the reader knows that she hadn’t ‘popped out to get the tea’. This tragedy shows how life has become tramatic for the speaker, and that the characters are living through memory of their mother, showing their attachment and despair at her death.
The poet also makes use of language and imagery to show just how passive and bleak life has become for the speaker. The fact that ‘he’d put you off an hour to give him time’, shows how he is unable to come to terms with his loss. The word ‘hour’ is juxtaposed to the word ‘time’ as it shows how even after ‘two years’, the poet still wants time and patience, suggesting that death should be a matter that shouldn’t be dealt with quickly and that the healing takes a long time to overcome. The poet makes use of everyday images such as the ‘transport pass’, and the ‘black leather phone book’, to make it seem that everything is alright with the world, yet their loss has turned their world upside down. The reader is also put into the setting of the speaker, which allows them to infer the bleak and mournful mood in the poem. The poet also makes use of sensous vocabulary like when ‘it was very soon he’d hear the key’, where the reader is put into the situation of the speaker, where even they wish for their mother to come back, yet they know that this is inevitably never going to happen. The language is also very much simplistic and prose like almost as if the poet is talking directly to the reader, which creates a conversational tone. This makes his loss accessible and his personal emotions are passed onto the reader.
Structure and organisation are also important in this poem as they reflect the passive and bleak atmosphere that entails the speaker. The poem is full of emjambment which has a dual purpose, as not only does it show how the poet’s spontaneous thoughts are spilling out, it also suggests that life has become monotonous and passive. The rhyme scheme ABAB in this poem creates a regular rhythm almost as if to reflect just how tedious life has become for the speaker. The poet does this to show how nothing has changed in his emotions, and he still feels the same way about life. It also creates a slow rhythm, reflecting how life has slowed down ever since her heard about the death of this mother. The last stanza however has a rhyme scheme of ABBA, and this reflects the meaning of the poem, as it shows how the structure of life is disrupted by death. The first line of the stanza connects with the last line, and they are juxtaposed together to create a paradoxical view on death. At first the speaker is made to seem untroubled by the loss of their mother however secretly he ‘still calls that disconnected number’. The word ‘disconnected’ symbolises their relationship, as they are no longer able to enjoy the comforts of each other, and the word ‘call’ shows how people take the ability to communicate with other people lightly, and once death comes, it is sudden and therefore makes the reader realise the importance of the relationship they still have with their mother.

Better/Worse?

[ArtisticFlair]

(Original post by Mohil)
The poem ‘Long Distance II’ gives the reader an implication of the difficulties with dealing with the theme of loss and grief, and the reader is made to feel sorry for the speaker who obviously misses his mother, and the poet uses language, imagery, structure and organisation in this poem to present her ideas effectively.
The poem focuses on the theme of mourning, and how people are unable to come to terms with loss. The fact that his ‘mother was already two years dead’, shows how the reader has been without a parental figure for two years, and it is likely that this has had significant consequences on his life. The reader is made to feel that he has however comes to grips with the topic, as he almost questions his dad’s action of ‘keeping the slippers warming by the gas’. The use of the present participle shows how even when writing the poem the poet feels as if his mother is alive. The poet does this to show that his mother has left a legacy so much that her life continues in the present tense. However the reader knows that there is a tragic truth with this, as the reader knows that she hadn’t ‘popped out to get the tea’. This tragedy shows how life has become tramatic for the speaker, and that the characters are living through memory of their mother, showing their attachment and despair at her death.
The poet also makes use of language and imagery to show just how passive and bleak life has become for the speaker. The fact that ‘he’d put you off an hour to give him time’, shows how he is unable to come to terms with his loss. The word ‘hour’ is juxtaposed to the word ‘time’ as it shows how even after ‘two years’, the poet still wants time and patience, suggesting that death should be a matter that shouldn’t be dealt with quickly and that the healing takes a long time to overcome. The poet makes use of everyday images such as the ‘transport pass’, and the ‘black leather phone book’, to make it seem that everything is alright with the world, yet their loss has turned their world upside down. The reader is also put into the setting of the speaker, which allows them to infer the bleak and mournful mood in the poem. The poet also makes use of sensous vocabulary like when ‘it was very soon he’d hear the key’, where the reader is put into the situation of the speaker, where even they wish for their mother to come back, yet they know that this is inevitably never going to happen. The language is also very much simplistic and prose like almost as if the poet is talking directly to the reader, which creates a conversational tone. This makes his loss accessible and his personal emotions are passed onto the reader.
Structure and organisation are also important in this poem as they reflect the passive and bleak atmosphere that entails the speaker. The poem is full of emjambment which has a dual purpose, as not only does it show how the poet’s spontaneous thoughts are spilling out, it also suggests that life has become monotonous and passive. The rhyme scheme ABAB in this poem creates a regular rhythm almost as if to reflect just how tedious life has become for the speaker. The poet does this to show how nothing has changed in his emotions, and he still feels the same way about life. It also creates a slow rhythm, reflecting how life has slowed down ever since her heard about the death of this mother. The last stanza however has a rhyme scheme of ABBA, and this reflects the meaning of the poem, as it shows how the structure of life is disrupted by death. The first line of the stanza connects with the last line, and they are juxtaposed together to create a paradoxical view on death. At first the speaker is made to seem untroubled by the loss of their mother however secretly he ‘still calls that disconnected number’. The word ‘disconnected’ symbolises their relationship, as they are no longer able to enjoy the comforts of each other, and the word ‘call’ shows how people take the ability to communicate with other people lightly, and once death comes, it is sudden and therefore makes the reader realise the importance of the relationship they still have with their mother.

Better/Worse?

Better, but to hit 17/18 you need to evaluate language rather than just analyse it. Also, you could be a bit more original with your interpretations and try to be foccused on the effects on the reader, particularly for poetry.

Try using the SECSI method; by using this I have achieved full marks in every single practice question I have done.

Explore the themes in more depth; examine the use of individual words and what possible interpretations people may have..

Overall, I'd say 16/18.. well done! xx

[letsbehonest]

Excellent. People on TSR are so harsh.
I'd say solid A.
16/18

I just needed that one point to wow me but that isn't always possible especially if its some boring poem, a tad more in depth analysis would also be essential for 18/18.

I done poetry in Jan and managed to almost get full UMS. My unseen was at a similar level to this. It was about relaxing and I wrote some crap on procrastinating - I guess the examiner liked my funky interpretation .. which actually came from not even reading the poem properly or understanding a word of it. Half way through my essay I realised I was writing total nonsense and I wrote alternatively it could also .. bla bla. I didn't even realise the poet was a woman, kept on referring to her as he. It was disastrous but its never as bad you think it is.

Anyway, I'd say focus more on the semantics of the poem whatever it may be, two points on structure will be more than enough, I think language points and your interpretation is what being assesed the most right? Also try to pinpoint language techniques clearly - metaphor, tricolon, simile, rhetoric etc

[Mohil]

(Original post by ArtisticFlair)
Better, but to hit 17/18 you need to evaluate language rather than just analyse it. Also, you could be a bit more original with your interpretations and try to be foccused on the effects on the reader, particularly for poetry.

Try using the SECSI method; by using this I have achieved full marks in every single practice question I have done.

Explore the themes in more depth; examine the use of individual words and what possible interpretations people may have..

Overall, I'd say 16/18.. well done! xx

Thanks But the SECSI method? It sounds funny :P What is it?

[goodmorningworld]

(Original post by ArtisticFlair)

Try using the SECSI methodx

Thread hijack ;D
Anyway, what's the SECSI method?