[Anonymous]

I was hoping people could maybe share what their experiences are of having a relationship whilst having depression.

I was recently diagnosed, and it is taking it's toll on my relationship quite badly. It's hard, because he would be better off without me in this state, but I'm not in the right state to be able to effectively handle a break up either, so we just keep going. He's not very good at understanding this illness at all.

Positive/negative stories? Maybe hearing some may help me know how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same situation, I have depression and I'm in a relationship and it's really hard at the moment. I have no self esteem and it's hard to imagine someone loving me, I always feel like I'm not good enough for him and I'm a terrible girlfriend. I try really hard to be a good girlfriend but I'm still scared he will break up with me one day, which would ruin my life. :/
He's never had any mental problems so I can't understand me at all. I just hope I can handle it one day because I don't want our relationship to end.

I'd appreciate any advice...

[lsaul95]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I was hoping people could maybe share what their experiences are of having a relationship whilst having depression.

I was recently diagnosed, and it is taking it's toll on my relationship quite badly. It's hard, because he would be better off without me in this state, but I'm not in the right state to be able to effectively handle a break up either, so we just keep going. He's not very good at understanding this illness at all.

Positive/negative stories? Maybe hearing some may help me know how to handle it.

Negative story unfortunately. I couldn't be happy, my girlfriend at the time was very understanding bless her but it just got too much and it made the relationship come to its inevitable end.

Shame really because it was a good relationship until that point.

I took the breakup pretty badly but after a while it got better and im a lot happier now. Being able to deal with it myself instead of bringing someone else down has made me a much stronger person. I was making my ex very unhappy so in a way I was glad we broke up because I felt like a burdeb. We're both happy now and good friends. It's not easy OP but you can do it and fight through it if it does unfortunately end.

[Sabertooth]

I've been in a relationship for 5 years, I've also had depression for that entire period. It's not always easy, often my girlfriend doesn't understand why I won't get out of bed or, and this really irritates me, she asks "why" I'm depressed. Damn girl, if I knew that I'd do something about it. I think she finds it difficult to understand that you can be depressed because of chemicals in your brain and there doesn't need to be a concrete real reason behind it. She's getting better recently though, she's more understanding of when I can't do stuff and always tries to be there for me. If I'm crying she'll try to help, if I can't do a social situation because of anxiety she'll try to find a way round it. She's really understanding and this understandingness is only getting better with every year that goes by. I often think that she would be better without me, if I killed myself or we broke up she could find a nice normal guy to look after her but whenever I tell her this she reassures me that it's not true. I think, OP, you need to speak to your boyfriend about this, tell him your fears and I'm sure he'll reassure you too. Depression and a relationship is not easy, I found it very difficult to balance the two but I think the best thing you can do is be open and honest with your partner, explain to them, give them leaflets about it, help them to understand and then they'll be able to offer much better support to you.

I'm getting married this summer despite all the depression ****, so I know it's possible to make a relationship work despite it. Chin up OP, keep trying, it's not easy but the payoff is definitely worth it.

[Exopaladin]

Currently in a relationship with someone else who has suffered from depression, which helps quite a lot as she understands how it feels. The slightly harder part is when I'm in a mixed/slightly hypo state and incredibly irritable. It can be hard to not snap at her over stupid things, which can take it's toll slightly. Luckily she's normally still fairly patient/supportive.

[Anonymous]

I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 4.

In that time I have had two episodes of having poor mental health, I am currently an inpatient on a psych unit because of my self harm.

It is hard, I feel bad for the stress he is under, I feel bad that he has to keep the house up and do the shopping and pick me up every night (I have 3 hours leave every night). He is scared I will kill myself and I think he feels frustrated that his love and support is not enough. But despite all of it we have a strong marriage because when we got married we really meant our vows (in sickness and in health). In life things are not always easy and I think we just take it one day at a time.

I kind of try to avoid having him as my carer (although at the moment he is more than usual but I am really not well) and I try to be as independent as I can and keep the house tidy etc. I think that helps to keep a decent balance, so it isn't always me needing him.

[jazzykinks]

My boyfriend has been absolutely amazing about the whole thing. He's there for me 100% and knows how bad I can be, but he helps me through it. He doesn't understand how I developed depression and I don't think he ever will, but he doesn't judge me for it. The only thing that causes tension in the relationship regarding my depression is the fact that I have to take antidepressants. I can't survive without them, but he wants me to stop taking them. I'm not really looking forward to discussing my medication with him because it's coming in the way of our relationship sometimes and upsetting him.

[Anonymous]

Please help, I'm in a relationship with someone who has bad depression and even though I've been through it before and still suffer my bad days, his is very severe in comparison. The problem is the more I try and help him, the more my own depression comes back, and the more my eating disorder gets a grip on me. I didn't move from bed yesterday; with exam stress as well and compulsive running, I'm too exhausted to face the day.
What can I do to help him? I know there isn't much except be there when he needs me and keep trying to help his failing self-esteem but I'm drained, in tears and can't cope anymore. I asked if a relationship was too much for him right now but he doesn't want to break up.
I'm scared I'm going to break.

[Delain]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Please help, I'm in a relationship with someone who has bad depression and even though I've been through it before and still suffer my bad days, his is very severe in comparison. The problem is the more I try and help him, the more my own depression comes back, and the more my eating disorder gets a grip on me. I didn't move from bed yesterday; with exam stress as well and compulsive running, I'm too exhausted to face the day.
What can I do to help him? I know there isn't much except be there when he needs me and keep trying to help his failing self-esteem but I'm drained, in tears and can't cope anymore. I asked if a relationship was too much for him right now but he doesn't want to break up.
I'm scared I'm going to break.

You need to get him to have some counselling or outside help because his problems are affecting you and your every day life. I know you care about him but it's not your place to fix him and you are unable to do so. He needs professional help and it sounds like you could do with some as well due to your eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

I entered a relationship whilst I was experiencing a bad bout of depression. I shouldn't have gone into such a relationship as I knew that I couldn't be with someone for a long amount of time, so it wasn't fair on him really.
I regret having this relationship, mainly because I messed him about because I felt too numb / low to be nice to someone. I couldn't be a "proper" girlfriend because at the time I would have rather have spent the day in bed as opposed to seeing him. I dreaded seeing him because I just wanted to be alone, which obviously made him feel bad / worthless.
This was only a short relationship as I ended it with him after 4 months; I felt as though it was going nowhere, however he had started to talk about "love" which completely terrified me to be honest!

[CJKay]

Sorry to say but my experience was negative. Her self-esteem plummeted after a particular event and she was never the same after that. I struggled to keep her happy for the remaining 8 months but she would often come out with some really hurtful things that sometimes I'd react really badly to (things like "you are the reason I feel this worthless"). It was difficult to stay strong for her, especially without knowing whether there was an end to it all, and especially when she couldn't share the emotional connection that she used to to show me that she cared back. I wasn't able to tell her she was beautiful or call her anything close to 'babe' or 'baby' for fear that it would bring back bad memories. I remember a particular morning, I sent "good morning, beautiful", and for the rest of the day hid dark meanings in the texts she sent (without me having any idea why until I asked the next day).

Needless to say, it eventually went overboard after an incident where I just blew the lid - 8 months is a long time to go taking the blame for numerous petty occurrences. We've only spoken a few times since then and only met up once. This all happened some time in September last year, and of course, I still miss her as much as I ever did, but I just don't think it can work. It's too much of a burden to try and support someone that can't show what they feel for so long, and to be shouted at when every effort you make is another bad reaction. It makes you feel almost worthless, like you can't do anything right, but there y'go.

All as a result of a mix of severe depression and other things.

[Phoenix07]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years, and suffering with bad depression and anxiety for about a year and a half! It really is hard work, I am very aware of the fact that I seem to make his life hard work, and he seems to constantly doubt that he can do anything to make me happy! The biggest difficulty is the fact that he doesn't understand that it isn't anything that happens that makes me feel like this, he blames himself! He wants me to talk to him about how I am feeling but doing that just seems to make him panic more about things. So yes it is hard work, and I think every day that he would be better off if I left him to get on with his life ... but I think that deep down it is what drives me most to wanting to get better! I know that this is hurting him, so I want to try and improve to help him! So yes sorry that was quite ramble-y but yes it can be hard work and there are times when you just want to give up, but every relationship goes through difficult periods, I think it just depends how able you both are to put in the large amounts of effort that are needed to get through these things!

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and i broke up because I was so negative and bringing him down. He thought this was just me, but I have since been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. How do i get him back?

[Anonymous]

i had depression when i entered into the last relationship , before i went on a date with him , i thought about it for a very long time ,i didnt think it will be a good idea to drag someone down with you when you were depressed or affacting someone and i dont see any hope or outcome to be honest . but i went ahead 9
for the first few month i was at a better state from depression and i even invited him out for dinner once ,i never been the one who set up a date and event .........he alway booked everything or come to my house to pick me up or something as i m extremely indoor person , it been a very long time since i willing go out on my own and set something up .

but then i had a relapse where i started my psychotic episode as well , and then was informed that because most med was tried and doesnt work , it is likely i m going to be like this forever .the medication also make weight pile on .

i dont want to drags him down and after i found out. fact is , as my psychotic episode progress on , i get worse and worse to a stage where he consider quitting his job to just look after me .and my depression starting getting even worse as well due to how useless i felt .i could hav layed in bed doing nothing but just constantly watch dvd nonstop , while not really watching the dvd ,just image,i dont speak to people as welll ,inculding him and he think i m changing or i done love him as much as

i saw him frown and get upset cause of me , and i dont want it to be like this , i broke up with him knowing he will find someone better , he deserve it . it is hopeless and useless for me to struggle and i shouldnt drags another person into this and bring him down .

he think i was being silly and still trying to get back together now ,but i decided it is better to stop bring people you care down . i rejected the few other date when was asked out , and i simply just not going to go out with anyone , because even till now , i still think it is endless road as well as hopeless and helpless , and because that helplessness , it break those people who love you thinking 'why arnt they enough' and eventually , one day , he/she is going to get fed up with upset by you and constant fear of losing you .